Tom's Sky (¡A Tom Hiddleston fanfiction !)

#73

"I can do this...

It's gonna be hard, but i can do this.

Have a perfectly and completely healthy friendship with the man i felt in love with, have sex with, i got pregnant and had a miscarriage from, without telling him... and said i loved him but he didn't say he love me back.

Totally healthy.

I can do this.

I can have lunch with him and not make a big deal of it.

It's called, growing up, being mature"

"You are so screwed" Nicky commented from the door, as i watched myself on the mirror.

"No, i'm not" i said, fixing my hair. "How long have you been there?" I asked, wondering if she heard everything i said.

"No, of course you're not" she rolled her eyes and sat on the bed. "I just got here and heard you mumbling alone in your room" she said.

"It's just..."

"It's just worse, you are just still in love with him, he knows you are still love him and he didn't say or do anything" she cut me off.

"You are supposed to cheer me up" i protest.

"That's what a bridesmaid is for, when the bride is nervous, and I, am not one and you... are not getting married"

"Such a mood you are in today, aye?" I scowled at her. "Something happened between you and Sophie?"

"Nothing... happened between us, it's you that i am worried about, you are doing exactly the same you've done before and how did that ended up?"

"This time it's different, i will be prepared when..."

"When, you say?" She widened her eyes. "Do you hear yourself? When he hurt you again? When you say you love him again and he again doesn't love you? Or he's coward enough not to admit it and hides it pretty well" she snarls.

"So we just can't be friends anymore?" I shout.

"Not when you both act like if nothing happened but you can't look into each other's eyes for 3 seconds without looking away, yes, i saw that in the exhibition" she said when i scowled.

"You can't pretend that everything's alright, you can't start something new when you haven't solve old issues"

"I will have to take that risk" i shrugged.

"Yeah and what about us, the people that actually loves you? Your brother and Liam? Michael and the boys? Evy and I? Even Harry! When you are hurt, we are hurt too, what about you? don't you love yourself enough to stop and think! Have you ever considered? This is not good for me, i deserve better?"

I remain silent, staring at her, intensely.

"Skylar?"

"Skylar!" Nicky shakes my shoulder roughly. "I asked if you want some help!" She asks, snapping her fingers on my face. "Did you listened?"

"I listened, i listened everything!" I whispered quite too loud, if that makes sense.

"Okay?" She frowns.

"You are right! I can't do this to myself, to you, to anybody!" I mumbled.

"Okay, i don't recall telling you anything but to help you with your outfit" she put her hands in front of her, like a barrier.

"This is wrong, this is so wrong, i shouldn't do this" i keep murmuring.

"Skylar, you are creeping me out, what are you talking about?" She asks, confused.