Tom's Sky (¡A Tom Hiddleston fanfiction !)

#89

"My dear" the man in front of me spoke.

Those words felt like knives in my stomach.

There was a time where i thought Georgio reminded me of him...

But now, now that i'm staring at him.

The more i look at him, the less he looks like anyone i have met and loved before.

He's a stranger now.

"I know... i know" he continued since i just kept staring. "You have all the right to be mad, you are hurt" he said.

"Hurt? Hurt?" I asked, in disbelief. "You think i'm hurt after all this time because you left us?"

"Monkey" Zach murmured, i don't know what he's expecting to do with that.

"You have no idea what we have been thru, what I have been thru, my mum died, my grandma died and you..." i looked at him, disgusted.

He stood there, with his head down, looking sad.

"What were you thinking?" I asked, like if i was talking to a teenage girl. "Leaving like that? No explanations? We meant nothing to you? Why are you here now?"

"I was..."

"My grandma took us with her and raised us good, with all the love we deserved... from you! She did what you should have done"

"Little Monkey" he called but i shut my eyes closed and held my breath, pointing my finger at him.

"Don't you dare call me that, you don't have the right, we don't have the intimacy my family and i have to call me that" i muttered.

"You know what? I thought i didn't have any resentment toward you, i thought i could accept any reason you had to leave us, now i realize why i never trusted anyone far enough to let them break my heart, i know why i was scared to feel something for someone, i know why i ended any relationship i could have because i was afraid they would leave me when i needed them the most" i took a step closer and kept barking.

"I thought it was my fault, i thought i wasn't good enough, but now... i know why i felt that way all these years, because the first man that ever broke my heart... it was you, Father" i spat the word with a sour flavour in my mouth. "Because i needed you, i was just trying so hard not to admit it to myself, that i needed you, that i missed you, i convinced myself that we didn't need you, not only for our own sake, but to make it easier for my grandma that worked so hard to make us feel safe and loved, that i didn't want her to see me sad, crying all day because i wasn't happy"

"We lost our mother and father the same damn day, i lost the ability to trust people, i was always afraid they would betray me, i thought we were too bad to be around with that i also didn't trust myself, was i being too friendly? Was i being too loud? Was i too annoying? I waited for days, weeks, even months in front of the front door, hoping you would come back and tell us you were just too sad, I needed you, I needed you when started High school, i needed you when i was having troubles with my homework and my grades, i needed you when i first started to like a boy, i needed you when that boy broke my hart, i needed you to tell me he wasn't worth it, i needed you to tell me i deserved better, i needed you when the mean and popular girls started bullying me, when i had no one to talk to, i needed you when Zack left for College, i needed you when I graduated from College, i needed you to tell me mum would be proud, that you were proud of me, i needed you when i moved to America, to tell me i was brave and to stay strong, i needed you when i felt nothing was worth the effort, i needed you when my friend died, the man who took me in and trusted me and loved me like the daughter he never had, like the daughter you had but abandoned, i needed you when i met the man that could make me happy but i was so insecure about everything that i pushed him away, i needed you when i found out i was pregnant! the same! Day! I found out! I had! A miscarriage!" I yelled, realizing too late what i just said.