Tom's Sky (¡A Tom Hiddleston fanfiction !)

#79

"Can we talk? about earlier" Tom asked me as soon as I turned around to stare at him.

"I don't know if this is the moment to talk about what i think you want to talk about, Tom" i said calmly.

"But why? I'm trying to tell you what i feel, i need to tell you" he insists.

"I don't know if i'm ready to hear it, because i don't know if i'm going to be able to accept it, to believe it"

"I still remember the sound of your voice that night, i keep replaying it over and over again"

"And do you think i don't remember? Do you think i didn't spend a whole year trying to stop replaying that night again and again just to feel more miserable each time? I had a hell of a year recovering from the humiliation a got myself into" i whined, trying to stop the tears.

I hated that whenever i was too angry or upset i started crying.

"I'm sorry, i didn't mean to..."

"You never mean anything, Tom, that's why we are in this situation, and now... now you want to talk about feelings, feelongs you didn't have the guts to talk about before, now that i have tried so hard to stop feeling, every time i try to get over you, you show up and everything is ruined, because no matter how much and for how long i try to forget you, i still lo..." i stopped abruptly, realizing what i was saying.

His eyes widened, surprised with my unfinished words.

"Please" he simply said.

I knew what he wanted to hear, i just don't know why he wants me to say it when he doesn't feel the same.

Is this just his ego playing with me?

"I promised myself that i would never say it again, for my own sake, to keep me sane" i admitted. "I think you should go back to your life, and stop coming back, because i'm broken, i'm so broken, it's not going to be good for any of us if i tell you again... just, don't" i looked down at my feet.

I don't even know what i want anymore, i don't think i would even feel the same if he tells me he loves me right in this moment, although he wouldn't.

"Sky... please, don't push me away" he pleads.

The sound of his voice echoing in my brain.

People were curious about us, a lot of them pretended to talk to each other but i could see them glancing at me, curiously.

"We shouldn't be doing this right now, there's people i need to talk to, i'm sorry" i apologised and started to walk.

He catches my hand before i leave, turning be back to look at him.

"I'm going to make it up for you, i promise, i will make you love me again" he says and let go of my hand.

I stare at him for a moment, unsure of what to say or what to think about what he just said.

"Why?" Was all i could think of.

"Because... I--" he stutters.

"When you figure it out, let me know" i said, bitterly.

I walked away, making my way thru the people to reach the front door, i need to feel that fresh autumn wind cooling my face.

So far i managed not to cry in front of him, in front of everyone.

But the burn in my throat was too painful.

There were a few couple of people outside in the patio too, talking quietly to each other, they were quite far so they didn't acknowledged my presence.