Jessamine Dixon lives in the apocalypse

This Is The Change

We sat at the hospital while the outside world changed in ways we could never imagine. Carl fell asleep with his head on my shoulder. Shane and Lori were a few feet away staring at the t.v together. I couldn't make out everything on it. But I knew it was showing the end.

Lori and Shane could hear it and they were full of fear, all I could see from them was fear.

It had already been days when Shane came up with a stupid idea. It seemed like he had been running off of stupid ideas lately. But this stupid idea was one where we would leave the hospital to go somewhere safe. 

"You're insane! Rick is here and he's not dead, yet. You want to leave your own best friend? We're not gonna leave him here so he can die." I told him.

"I know but Rick wouldn't want you guys to die while waiting for him, to wait for a miracle."

"That doesn't mean that his family leaves him. He would do the same exact thing for us and you know that." Shane knew that I was right. Rick would have done anything for any of us. 

"Jess-" Shane tried to make himself sound more stupid but I stopped him for his own sake.

"I'm staying. I can stay, I am more than capable. I can go to the trailer I have everything I need, and I know how to get everything that I need. I don't want to hear that I'm only 11. I've done more exotic things than half the people in the hospital. I've been through it. I can protect myself from this. I am more than capable. I would also like to wish you luck if you decide to go against me." I glanced over to see Lori slowly nod her head.

"The most horrifying part is that everything you just said stands 100% true. Which is why you should stay."

"Thanks, Shane."

"We're leaving the hospital, today."

"Okay, that works. I don't need to prepare myself. I'm ready." Lori pulled me into a hug.

"You better be safe, we're gonna need you to come and protect us when he wakes up. I know you're gonna be fine so I'm not gonna say much. You can hear my words when the time's right." She held me for another minute. The more I heard you're gonna make it back to us, the less I started to believe it.

Lori slowly let go. But when she did she kept her hands on my shoulders and just admired me for a second. Lori let go against her will so that Carl could have his turn. Carl slowly wrapped his arms around my neck.

"You don't have to go, you could come with us." Of course, he would be the one to try and talk me out of going.

"I'm here for more than one reason. I do have to go to the trailer anyway, but it's going to be for longer than you guys are willing to stay, longer than you should stay. Just because I'm staying doesn't mean I don't love you guys any less. I just know what the right thing to do is."

"You always have been the one to know the right thing."

"Just be careful. I need you more than anything."

"I know you do." I laughed and let go of him. I knew I couldn't hear anymore, I knew I would change my mind.

I was shocked when Carl let me go and Shane pulled me into a hug.

"Just because I'm letting you do this doesn't mean I'm okay with it. If you never get back to us I will never let myself live it down. You need to make it back." Shane slowly let me go and I nodded my head at him. 

I looked around the three people looking at me and smiled. I didn't know if it would be the last time. I didn't know if I could make it. Atlanta was kind of a long haul. All I could do was try for them. But what if they don't even make it, this would be pointless. I do better on my own, I have a higher chance of survival. 

"I love you, guys, remember that." It felt so easy to turn and leave the hospital. It felt easier to leave on the motorbike. I drove for miles and miles until I was finally on top of that hill with my father's trailer.

I stopped the motorbike and let it hit the ground. My feet pulled me to the front door but my hand trembled above the doorknob. Fear fueled my body. There was nothing but fear. I was scared I'd never see them again. I'm scared of this house. I haven't been here for a month. Not that my father ever noticed. I was scared of the scars, the pain, the misery, the emptiness. I wanted this place burned to the ground and all of the memories from it. But I needed what was in here so I opened the door.

The house was the same, everything was the same. Except for the fact that nobody else was there, it was just me standing in the doorway. But when I went into the kitchen all the cans were gone. 

My father had always been paranoid about the end of the world. That was on top of every other problem he had. 

This house had at least 200 cans and now all of them were gone. All 200 are gone. I sighed there was nothing I could do. I couldn't wish for them back. I couldn't pray for them back. Even though God wouldn't listen to me anyway.

I slowly walked myself through the entire house. I slowly snaked my way into my father's bedroom. With every fear that he might return. But with every hope that he would return because this would be the time that I could blow his brains out, or torture him for five days before he dies.

I started to dig under his bed. Finding some things I did not want to know were there and then some things I still didn't want to know. But I finally found the box. I slid it out from underneath the bed.

Two rifles, four handguns, two machetes, and half a dozen little knives. That was only half of what used to be under this bed. Somebody already went through the house and did a horrible job of stealing everything. Or somebody knew I was coming.

I went through all of the bedrooms. Including Merle and Daryl's old rooms. Altogether there were three rifles, 12 handguns, six machetes, and 20 small knives. I threw them all in my school bag. Like I said my father was preparing. 

I walked out of the house and got on my motorbike.

I drove another mile to the right. Behind all the trees was the very small cabin I built when I was seven. 

Nobody knew about the house. Except Merle and Daryl because they followed me to it one time. I never wanted to feel the anger I felt on the day I saw them following me. Thank god they pretended to never see it or know what it was.