Jessamine Dixon lives in the apocalypse

What It Always Is

"Normally, my chief concern would be the hidden beauty of the grain, but with quantity being of the essence, rift the quarter saw and it will be." Eugene told us while Yumiko walked over. Alden turned his head towards me and Earl and I just shook my head. Sometimes when Eugene talks you just have to nod and let him do what he's gonna do anyways.

"Happy to recapitulate." Eugene told Yumiko and the look on her face was priceless.

"Oh, no, no, just checking in. Y'all good?" She asked.

"Eugene's come up with some zero waste plan. Claims he can use every cubic inch of the tree, even the bark." Alden said and it didn't really seem like he believed it would happen.

"Seems as good a time as any to master the Pueblo art of basket weaving."Eugene said and Yumiko started walking away. I pushed myself up off the tree and looked at the two guys looking at me.

"Well, this wall isn't going to fix itself." I said and started walking away to find anything to do.

Ezekiel was standing at the horse circle and I took a deep breath. He'd been acting different and after what Michonne told me I became even more worried. He was zoned out on the dirt and I walked over.

"What's going on, buddy?" I asked trying not to sound suspicious as I put my arms on the fence. Ezekiel looked at me and I knew he knew why I was here.

"Alright, I'll cut the bullshit. What's going on?" I asked. I knew he was going to fight me on it, maybe we'd have to battle to get him to admit something. But I knew something was wrong and I wasn't going to walk away.

"Thyroid cancer." He told me while looking me dead in the eyes. It felt like I had been stabbed in the chest and I didn't know what to say. Ezekiel turned his head back forward and I continued to stare at him.

"How do you know?" I asked in a whisper.

"I watched my family go through it, I know what it is, and I know you can't come up with a cure." He told me and I continued to stare at him.

"Ya know, I worry about a lot things, but somehow when it comes to death I always think of murder or walkers. It's never crossed my mind that people can still get old world problems...Like cancer." I finished and he slowly started to look at me.

"But I will find something, I promise. Maybe not a cure but a pause. There are a lot of books." I told him and he shook his head.

"You can't find anything to fight something to this level." Ezekiel told me and I shook my head.

"I won't let you go down without a fight. I won't let you let yourself go down with a fight." I told him and he smiled at me.

"And still you smile." I whispered. Thinking of all the times he had said it.

"And yet I smile." He repeated.

"I promise I won't tell anybody."

"I know you won't. That's why I told you. But I also don't want you to bend over backwards trying to find a cure. We have other things to worry about, you know that. This can wait." Ezekiel told me and I shook my head. Before we could say anything else I could hear the familiar motorcycle engine coming our way.

We slowly turned around as they pulled the gates open. Dog came running towards me and I knelt down. He jumped at me and started attacking my face with kisses. I brushed my hands through his fur and watched Daryl stop a few yards from the entrance. I stood up as Siddiq came after him and I watched Siddiq get off the horse.

"No sign of Negan?" Ezekiel asked Daryl as he walked up. I was still petting Dog and he saw down against my leg.

"Searched all day and night, no sign of him." Siddiq said while they shook hands with Ezekiel. They both gave me a hug and I tried not to think too much about Negan.