My lovely Wattpad rant book, focusing on multiple Cliché and over used tropes with enough salt, pepper and olive oil to appease Gordon Ramsay.
Ever reach a point in life when every werewolf/Vampire fic you read seems like the one you read earlier b...
On one of these days, for some reason unknown to mankind, Lizzy Sidd bought a 3D printer.
Mommy and daddy dearest couldn't object, for I paid with my own piggy bank. With my 3D printer, I ventured into the dark lands of Wattpad, the efficiency of my printer suddenly upgrading to cliche 3.0. Meaning: Instead of taking a week to print anything, it can print anything in mere seconds + it can print commercial stuff like toothpaste etc too.
This gave me an idea.
What if i start selling dru- er... What if i start selling stuff to Wattpad characters? What's the worst that will happen? Therefore, I printed a shop and claimed the counter as the owner + salesgirl since I am on a budget and can't afford staff.
The door creaked open and a man with hair issues entered.
I immediately fired up my printer and started printing hair removal creams, wax strips and a 'How to look less like a creepy hobo' guide.
"Good morning Ma'am! I am Alpha Wolfo, and since you can never guess by the name, I am a werewolf! I heard this outlet supplies anything and everything. I was wondering whether it can help me get some stuff. Since my google search history is already suspicious and I don't want the FBI coming and taking my 17-year-old mate away from me, and my lovingly-abusive ways."
I stopped the printer and looked at him.
"What would you like to have?" I asked.
"I want [CENSORED FOR YOUNGER AUDIENCE], [CENSORED FOR YOUNGER AUDIENCE], and ..."
"You basically want adult stuff. Hello? Both me and my machine is underage. I'm 16 and the printer is only 1 year old with a 3 years warranty. I can't wreck it now! The company will question me. I CAN'T SAY MY MACHINE BROKE BECAUSE IT GOT STUCK PRINTING A DILDO! Besides, my print history can be viewed by anyone. I don't want my parents to kill me and dance on my grave. GTFO BEFORE I CALL ANIMAL CONTROL!"
I fumed and puffed as the man with hair issues fled. After throwing this tantrum I sat down and 3D printed a cat and started petting it. Just then, I again heard footsteps. It was a lady with expensive clothes on her body and cheap talk in her mouth.
"Gah! I look so ugly!" She said, flicking her unicorn puke hair and rolling her multicolored-glitter marker eyes. After visiting the back of her head and finding the absence of a brain, her eyes returned back to being normal.
"How may I help you?" being that one nice Asian kid, I politely inquired.
"Well, no one can cure this uglines-"
"I can recommend a psychiatrist," I pitch in, politely.
"Augh! Since no one can fix my ugliness, lets not discuss the possibility. Rather, my billionaire Hubby needs some stuff. I love him and even though deep inside I know he is just an insecure jerk who wags his pipe at anything with two legs and attacks anyone who dares to talk to me, and is also the one who is firm on the IDEA of me cheating on him despite me being right next to him 24/7 365- *DEEP INHALE* -I believe that i need some handcuffs and security cameras and some trackers. After all, it's all in the name of love!"
"That is effed up, doe." I interjected, rubbing my temple, trying to ease the headache. "Surely, you must be head over heels for him, right?" I spoke sarcastically.
"Tell me something I don't know" She snorted.
The lights fluctuated and the room got swallowed by darkness. The 3D printer automatically printed creepy noises and spiders.
I brought a flash light underneath my face and flicked it on.
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"50 shades of grey is only romantic because the guy is a millionaire. Try applying same the 'Christian Grey' logic on someone who lives in a trailer park and is mildly alcoholic. Change my name if Chris Hansen doesn't pick this as the story for his next series. BEGONE THOT!"
The lights reopened as fast as the weird customer ran outside.
Heaving a relieved sigh, I reclaimed my seat and printed a magazine. While reading it, I sensed something. It was the feeling of approaching steps. That one feeling in which you know who is coming and what type of customer the person is.
Beads of sweat trickled down my brows as I stood up, "PETER GOODGUYSON! Don't you dare enter. I will not print you a girlfriend!"
All of these customers were driving me nuts and I thought it might be for the best if I simply print myself a life.
And that's how my first day as a Wattpad shop owner went.
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Put down you pitch forks. ISTG I was about to update this book , but because of a few assignments I couldn't.
Anyway, today was the last day of my online high school classes. And in 4 minutes from now i'm gonna have my virtual farewell. It was so weird submitting my last assignment today and making a short video for my campus. Can't believe I'm going to college (virtual one, for now). I mean... damn...
After the session, (if i could still see stuff without getting teary), I'll upload another chappie. Hopefully, it'll be better than this one. Until then, don't forget to look under your bed for the ghosts of votes you decide not to add. ;)
