My Lover's Keeper

52. Unstable

Jiraiya sat in front of the psychiatrist. The buzzing sound of light was all his ears could focus on.

The mouth of the doctor ran on but he didn't catch a single word of what she said so he stayed silent.

"Ōgata-san" the doctor called again. She looked at his file. It was riddled with suicide attempts, self harmful behavior. Periods where he seemed to do better and then going back to it again.

"I won't...do it again" he said calmly. "I don't want to hurt them."

"Who?"

"My godsons" Jiraiya fiddled with his fingers. Sometimes he forgot just how old he was.

But the little brown spots on his hands...
The wrinkles and the shakiness that was slowly starting to claim his ability to steadily craft guitars...

They were all reminders that he was not a young innocent boy anymore. He didn't mind death. Having seen everyone he loved die before him; death would have been mercy for him.

But it mocked him, it continued taking everyone but him. Sixty-five years, can he truly say he had lived sixty-five years?

She yet again asked him something he didn't bother to hear.

He only stared at his trembling hands. Hands he used to kill people. Hands he used to try and save his teammates. Hands that failed to protect all that was dear to him.

He was escorted back to his room and that's when he saw the two Uzumakis. Kurama had just heard about it all from Naruto. He didn't know what to think of it all. He always thought that there just was no one there who wanted them.

But this didn't sit well with him. He tried to be understanding, he knew the old man in front of him had his own issues but Kurama couldn't stand there another second.
Because looking at Jiraiya meant looking at a possibility of a different life. It meant all the troubles he and Naruto had been through could have been avoided and for that he was angry.
"Nii-san" Naruto sighed as the redhead left without saying a word. "Jiji, how did it go?" He held the old man's hand.

Jiraiya simply laid in bed in a catatonic state. Kurama hated him, he could see the redhead was outside. Anger coursing through his veins.
And Kurama couldn't keep it to himself any longer, he walked back in yelling.
"Why did you leave us?! If they trusted you...why didn't you just-..." Kurama gulped bitterly "we didn't want much...didn't ask for much. Just a roof over our heads...just... someone...there when it mattered!"

"Kurama" Naruto stood up. "It's best you wait outside"

"No! I want answers! I want to know why? If he is just going to show up now...I demand answers!" He yelled at Naruto.

"They...didn't see me fit to take you. I couldn't look after you. I was a mess...I sobered up, I rented a bigger place....I did everything they had asked me to so I could take you but then you two disappeared. And I..I kept checking with the police until you were presumed...I thought I'd never see you again...please forgive me"

"Jiji" Naruto knelt in front of the man. "It's okay...that's all in the past now, dattebayo?"
Sure it mattered to Naruto too but there was no point dwelling on what could have been. What could have been changes nothing of the reality they were living. It only hurts all of them. "I'm graduating high school, Kurama is a brilliant doctor. We have two lovely parents who would absolutely love to meet you." He held Jiraiya's hands. "Kurama's a bit angry... because...it was rough before we got adopted. He doesn't hate you. Right, Aniki?"

"I don't...hate him" the redhead breathed out. "I need some air. This is...a lot" Kurama exasperated before leaving the room.