OFS 1: Behind Those Smiles (My Untold Story)

Chapter 56

"I hope the star you were saying shines brightly."

"It is." He softly said, showing his pleased face while looking at me. Tumango-tango ako at saka muling tumingin sa kalangitan.

My heart is beating louder than earlier so I have to take a deep breath to calm myself. Tumikhim ako at muling umimik. Kailangan kong gumawa ng ingay dahil pakiramdam ko maririnig niya ang tibok ng puso ko kung mananaig ang katahimikan sa amin.

"So.. How's work?" I asked without looking at him. I can feel his stare so I made sure not to look at him to avoid the possibility of being hypnotized in the end. Nope. Hindi ako marupok.

"Good. Okay naman." Sagot niya habang nakatingin pa rin sa akin. Tumango ako ulit.

"You happy? .. With what you are doing?" I'm sure he is. It was his dream, anyway. I know he finished his degree in programming, but ever since we were in High School, he always talk about himself being a firefighter in the future. Ganoon din ang nilalagay niya sa mga papers niya sa school kapag pinaggagawa kame ng essay about what we would be, 10 years from now questions. It was his plan all along. To take programming because he's into  computer, but later on magte-training na siya to become a firefighter. Kailangan daw kasi doon ay may 4 years course na tinapos, iyon ang sabi niya sa akin noon.

"Ofcourse. It was like God gave me more and absolute purpose to live. I'm happy helping people. How about you? Happy teaching? Naalala ko, ayaw mo sa kurso mo noon." He chuckled. Napangiti na rin ako habang nakatingin pa rin ako sa kalangitan. Right. Ako iyong taong hindi malaman kung ano ba ang kursong para sa akin noon. Lahat ng mga kursong pwedeng aralin ay pinag-isipan ko na at tinantya kung pupwede ba sa akin pero wala ni isa akong nagustuhan.

Mama said, mag mascom ako, pero ayaw ko. Then mag business daw, pero takot ako sa math. Kahinaan ko iyon. Kaya nga iyong pangarap kong mag archi mula grade 7 ako, ni-let go ko na. Bukod kasi sa hindi naman talaga ako magaling magdrawing at bulok ako sa math, magastos daw ang kursong iyon kaya hindi talaga para sa akin.

I love reading and writing but I don't want to take course related to it. Ayokong gawing trabaho ang libangan ko. Nagsusulat at nagbabasa ako kapag stress ako sa buhay ko, kung nagkataong nagjournalist ako at nastress ako, saan pa ako tatakbo?

So I have no other choice but to take education. I'm good at public speaking so sa tingin ko, pwede na. Pero hindi ganoon kadali.

I have a lot to consider. Ang dami kong isipin noong kinuha ko ang kursong iyon noon.

"Lahat naman ng bagay natututunan nating mahalin. Minsan kasi, para na pala talaga sa'tin pero ayaw lang nating tanggapin." I said while looking at the stars, soft smiling. Feeling greatful na hindi ko isinuko ang kurso ko noon sa kabila ng pagdadalwang isip ko.

Being a teacher is not easy. You have a lot to consider, mga bagay na hindi ako sanay gawin pero kailangan. Naalala ko noon, I was 1st year college that time and nandito pa ako sa pinas.

Everytime na papasok ako ng school pakiramdam ko ang bigat-bigat ng katawan ko. Walang araw na sinipag akong pumasok pero pinipilit ko kasi kailangan. Lahat ng bagay na nangyayare sakin, even the slightest thing, lahat para sa'kin source of stress. Ganoon talaga kasi kapag hindi mo gusto ang kursong kinuha mo.

The only thing that made me keep up that time is the thought of, Kung hindi educ ano pa ang kukunin ko? And also iyong oras na naigugol ko na para sa kursong iyon. Kung magshishift ako, edi ulit na naman? Sayang sa oras.

With all those thoughts morethan 6 years ago, look at me now. I am so in love my job. I am so in love with teaching and giving knowledge to my students. It was like not a job at all. I'm not looking at my salary anymore, kung mataas man ito o mababa.