OFS 1: Behind Those Smiles (My Untold Story)

Chapter 57

He's actually one of a kind. With him, you could never ask for more. He was like my guardian angel who always got my back when I am at my lowest... A guy with a golden heart who will always choose to help as much as he could.

Kung tutuosin ay wala namang magiging problema kung tatanggapin ko ang alok niya. Primo and I are both comfortable with him... My family also likes him knowing how he take good care of us in those years. He never leaves my side and even if he was in the middle of his job, when I asked for help, he will always choose to run to me.

He was so selfless...

I know if I'll choose him, he will never hurt me just like what Daryll did. We can also go back to Singapore whenever we want.

But...

Isipin ko palang na hindi si Daryll ang tatayong ama ng anak ko, hindi na sumasangayon ang puso't isip ko. Ayaw iyon tanggapin ng puso ko dahil...

Iisa lang ang gusto ko. Pilit ko mang itanggi sa sarili ko, alam ko na iisa lang ang mahal ko... ang gusto kong makasama, so I guess there's no need to be in denial anymore. I can't just fool myself because I know, it will always be him. Palaging siya. Siya lang, kahit sobrang gago pa niya.

My lips trembled as I look for the right words to say. Because I know, the moment I open my mouth, it will pain him.

"I... I c-can't... I'm sorry..." I softly said. Nanghihina sa sitwasyong kinaroroonan naming dalawa.

What he just said surprised me. It was like he throws a bomb on my face, I never expected it. Ni minsan, hindi sumagi sa isipan ko iyon kahit na inaasar pa ako nina Elly sa kaniya. My feelings for him are pure platonic. Kaya hindi ko malaman ang gagawin sa sitwasyong ito... Ayokong masaktan siya, he did nothing but good to me. To me, he was like my savior. A man with his welcoming arms for me when I don't know where to run to...

Pero kasi...

Kahit anong galugad ko sa sarili ko, hindi ganoon ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.

Malumanay siyang ngumiti sa akin.

"I already expected that."

"V-van..."

"It's okay. You have a lot of time to think about it. I'm not pressuring you, Jane... but I'm not going to give up just like that. I hope you understand." Marahan siyang naglakad palapit sa akin at saka hinaplos ang aking mukha. Worry filled my face.

"V-van. Kasi..." Kung hindi pa siya titigil, hindi ba at mas lalo lang siyang masasaktan? Ayoko nang ganoon. Hindi ako komportable...kailan man ay hindi ako magiging komportable sa isiping may nasasaktan nang dahil sa akin.

"Hindi mo naman ako iiwasan diba? Hindi mo ako lalayuan?" Marahang tanong niya habang hinahaplos ang aking mukha, maagap akong umiling sa kaniya. Hindi ko magagawa iyon.

"Then, I'm good. Tanggapin mo man ang alok ko o hindi, basta nakikita ko kayo ni Primo, masaya na ako... So please just let me... habang nagiisip-isip ka pa o kapag napag-isipan mo na at ayaw mo talaga, hayaan mo lang ako sa tabi niyo ni Primo. Kahit iyon nalang..."

Tears keep falling from my eyes. Napakalumanay nang mga tingin niya sa akin at nagdudulot iyon ng kirot sa dibdib ko. Tila ba wala pa man ay alam na niya ang sagot. Marahan akong tumango sa kaniya at saka ngumiti. Para naman kasing kaya kong wala siya sa buhay ko. Halos nakadepende na nga kami ni Primo sa kaniya.

Bakit ako iiwas sa kaniya? Kailan man ay hindi iyon magiging sagot. Hindi na kami bata, we should act responsibly on our actions.

"Thank you..." Van whispered as he hugged me tightly. Napanguso ako at saka gumanti nang yakap sa kaniya.