haikyuu reacts to ships

Bokuto x Akaashi x Kuroo x Kenma / Bokuakakuroken

(A/N - This is for -evphoricb6mbi!)

Atsumu: oh my god Bo is so hot.

Kuroo: You Read My Goddamn Mind. Look at him. He's stunning, his hair is SO GOOD. Please wear it like this from now on-

Oikawa: You're so beautiful I swear to fucking god-

Akane: HES NOT WEARING ANYTHING UNDERNEATH HIS HOODIE-

Kenma: i want to unzip it and find ✨rippling abs✨

Mattsun: I'd let you crush my skull with your pecs.

Makki: like a fucking walnut.

Lev: Alright Just Steal My Job I see You Model.

Alisa: His face is so well proportioned I don't understand. It's like someone drew him and he just popped off the page like 'hey hey hey'.

Noya: His Neck. I want to bite it-

Suna: his neck? what about his collarbones? loOK at them-

Natsu: Excuse me what about his DIMPLES?

Hinata: okay one) NO AUTHOR CHAN DO NOT LET HER IN HERE SHES TOO INNOCENT. two) YOU WANT TO BITE BOKKUN'S DIMPLES?!

Natsu: one, i'm like literally almost out of high school. most kids already watch porn and shit like that. i'm one of the good ones. two, i want to gently kiss his amazing dimples i'm not a goddamn psychopath Sho.

Tanaka: He's right at the intersection of cute and hot where you'd both die for him and are incredibly intimidated by him.

Yachi: Bokkun you're perfect and I would die for you.

Meian: Well, it's been...horrible watching you collectively simp over Bokuto, but maybe we should talk about the actual ship? You know, before things inevitably collapse?

Yachi: AwwWWE but we dIDn'T GET TO HEAR AKAASHI-

Akaashi: i think Bokuto-San is attractive all the time, hoodie-with-no-shirt-under-it or not.

Atsumu: okay butcha can't just say stuff like that an' still be platonic.

Akaashi: by that metric, half of you are dating Bokuto-San so...

Atsumu: stop using well-constructed arguments ta dismantle my points.

Akaashi: stop making weak points.

Akane: Okay, here's how I see this ship working out: Bo would constantly be trying to get Akaashi's attention but Akaashi would be more interested in hanging out with Kenma because they're the most chill of the four. Which would make him sad so he goes to Kuroo, but Kuroo wants to be with Kenma because they've known each other so long and Kenma doesn't want to be with anyone because he doesn't like socializing.

Akane: Therefore, the entire thing would crumble and Bokuto would cry.

Kuroo: You're just bitter about Bokutsuki.

Akane: Yes that too.

Oikawa: But they would be super aesthetic...

Alisa: Yeah, and Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi already have the dynamic, add Kenma in and you'd just have another counterbalance to Kuroo and Bokuto's insanity...

Kuroo: I'm not even going to begin to tell you why this isn't happening.

Yachi: Good, that way you'll be free to run into Kenma's arms.

Daichi: *Tsukishima's

Alisa: *Akaashi's

Oikawa: *Bokuto's

Kuroo: Okay I don't know why I bothered.

Yachi: Neither do I. We're never going to agree on who you're meant to be with.

Kuroo: Any of you ever thought about the possibility that I could end up with a complete stranger that I met at a bar or a work conference or college or something?

Everyone: *crickets*

Kuroo: Right. Of course not. Statistical probability is absolutely ludicrous.

Akane: Can we just skip to ratings? I'm tired of Kuroo ruining everything.

Kuroo: How am I ruining Bokutsuki for you??

Akane: You're dating half of them!?

Kuroo: WHICH HALF?? I'M NOT DATING ANYONE. I'M LITERALLY SO SINGLE.

Tsukishima: hah loser.

Kuroo: NIETHER ARE YOU.

Tsukishima: me calling you a loser had absolutely nothing to with your relationship status.

Kuroo: i hate our relationship.

Tsukishima: me too.

Daichi: Then Change It.

Suga: Daichi didn't just fall down the Kurotsuki rabbit hole, he jumped down it headfirst.

Yachi: Please Can we Rate Bokuakakuroken? Author-Chan where are you??

Unicorn-Flowers: Author-Chan decided to take a break for a chapter and see if you guys could manage to hack it on your own because the last one really took it out of me. I'm not saying it's Mattsun's fault but it's Mattsun's fault.

Kuroo: SO YOU LEFT US HERE TO DROWN?

Unicorn-Flowers: in essence, yes. but the chaos is of your own creating so...

Mattsun: Wait so you're saying that this chapter is completely unmoderated?

Unicorn-Flowers: I'm going to regret saying this but...yes...

Makki: Ohohohoh boy-

Oikawa: PLEASE RATE IT. RATE THE SHIP BEFORE IT ALL DISINTEGRATES.

Yachi: KUROKEN 1/10-

Kuroo: 0/10 I'm leAVING-

Alisa: I like it so 7/10!

Oikawa: i'll give it a solid 5/10 for the aesthetics. 6 if Kenma drops his possessive streak.

Akane: Bokutsuki 0/10.

Atsumu: bokuaka 0/10.

Akane: I don't know you and I don't want to.

Atsumu: Good 'cause I don't wanna know ya either.

Hinata: *shivers* whoa Atsumu-Kun and Akane-San are terrifying :D

Daichi: As the only figure of actual authority in this book, I'm opting to end this here.

Mattsun: NO I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY-

Makki: YOU CANNOT DO THIS-

Daichi: i will arrest you.

Mattsun: ...you can't do that ?

Daichi: can't i?