𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑱𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒓 & 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑨𝒄𝒆 (hisoka x reader x chrollo)

Puzzle Pieces

The sky twisted into darkness as the sun and moon rotated. You sat, under those covers, trying to hold yourself together, all alone. You hadn't moved, you hadn't ate, you hadn't cried, you hadn't talked, you just sat. Chrollo stayed out of the room, trying to stay mad at you to prove his point. It was difficult for Chrollo not to immediately forgive you, but he strived forward for his own sake.

As the night grew deeper the remaining members at the base waited for the return of their kin. Everyone returned, except Uvogin. The troupe proceeded into rest and slept reassured he'd return soon after he went to do his own will. Chrollo wasn't worried either, his mind stayed glued to you.

After the events of the night settled Chrollo returned back to the room with you in it. The sound of the door shutting behind him didn't cause any reaction as you stayed silent. After about 10 minutes Chrollo crawled into the other side of the bed. He placed his warm hand on your back. His touch felt like nothing, as your mind consumed itself with depression.

Chrollo hadn't taken serious notice until a few a days passed by.

"Why hasn't she left her room?" Hisoka asked Chrollo directly.

"Seems like she doesn't want to, she has no reason not too." He said calmly towards Hisoka. Hisokas words traveled deep into Chrollos clueless thoughts. His rage grew as he realized this cluelessness, that he had to learn from Hisoka.

Chrollos POV:
Did I push her that far? I should've been there for her, but I just pushed all my anger onto her. She was so hurt to see him again, and I pinned all my emotions on her, without letting her feel. I'm supposed to be there for her and I haven't. Maybe that's why she kissed him, but I don't even know if she instigated it. She would've told me if he forced himself on her though, she wouldn't idly stand by for that. It doesn't matter if she kissed him though, well it does matter. But she's more important to me to lose over something like that. I feel selfish, I feel, bad, I don't know how to explain it but, I should've been better.

"Are you going to see what's wrong with her? She's an active person, she gets bored, she wouldn't stay in there all damn day. It doesn't seem like you noticed these things at all. Maybe I should go check on her instead?" He said purposely provoking Chrollo. Hisoka thought if he made Chrollo angry and insecure he'd prove himself by being there for you, and that was the most Hisoka could do since he couldn't do it himself. He hated giving Chrollo the advantage but making sure you were okay, after everything, was more important.

"No. It's none of your business. Know your limits before I have to show you them again."Chrollo responded ominously as he stood up.

"Tell her she's okay." Hisoka told Chrollo with heartfelt intentions behind his piercing amber eyes.

Chrollo turned away and walked off to the room. He knew Hisoka was right, although he hated the idea of listening to him. He knew it was best for you.

Hisoka watched him go into the room, desperately hoping he'd bring you out, so he could see your face.

"Y/n" He said as he slammed the door.

You stayed silent.

Chrollo sighed and sat down at the end of the bed. He pulled the covers off you slowly. The silk blanket slithered off your bare shoulders. Your arm flooded in chills from the cold air breezing through the room. Chrollo pulled the blanket down to your hips, his fingers barley touched your skin from the grip of the blanket. You laid there, cold, only wearing a bra and underwear. Your eyes stayed open, but they were filled with despair as you stared only at the sheets next to you.

"You haven't moved in days, you haven't said a word in days." Chrollo said calmly.

You turned your face into your pillow and stuck your arm to your ear to drown out his voice.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't there for you like I should've been. I kept taking things out on you, and you told me, you told me you loved me, and I still shut you out. I'm sorry" He said truthfully as his heart twisted in pain.

God Im so selfish, I'm just sitting here, hurting him, only thinking about me. There's another thing to add to that list. All I do is mess up. I can't do anything right, no matter what. I just want it to end.

"Just leave." You said without any emotion.

Your idea was to push everyone away, so you wouldn't hurt anyone anymore. To Chrollo and Hisoka, it didn't matter what you had done, what mattered and really hurt them was to see you hurting.

"No." Chrollo said as he laid down on the other side of the bed, pulling you into him.

"Just go." You said as you pushed his chest away from you. His grip only got tighter

"I promised I wouldn't leave, no matter what, so I'm not going to, until your ready to leave with me."

Why is he so good to me? Why does he still love me? Why do they both? All I do is cause unnecessary problems. I'm just a parasite, something that leaked into their lives, just creating chaos. Why does he love me? How can you love someone who hates themselves?

Tears streamed down your face into his skin. Your jaw clenched tight, tight enough to crack your teeth. You just wanted it all to end. But, you couldn't as he held you. He heard your quiet cries and felt your cold tears fall. He held your head in his hands as he stroked your hair. His heart sank as he realized he couldn't protect you from yourself.

Your mind drove you to break down and release in his comforting arms.

"I-I'm so, so-sorry" You stuttered out to him.

"You haven't done anything to me, forgive yourself, please." He begged as he kissed the top of your head tightly.

"I don't think I can." You cried softly.

"It's okay, listen to my words, listen to his to if you must, just know that it's okay" Chrollo told you truthfully. He didn't care who you had to believe, even if it was Hisoka, he just wanted you to be okay.

Your cries grew slower as your breathing evened out. Your mind traveled back to the first time you'd ever heard those words. It was in Hisokas arms, he held you and gave you comfort. Something that you had lost early on in life, a trauma that faded away after you had Hisoka to share it with. He told you it was okay, okay to feel. His words sinked like dusk setting in that far off moment. He was the first person who told you it was okay, that's why for some superficial reason, you'd run back to that moment. That moment where you fell in love, and admitted to yourself. That moment where your true inner strength showed. That moment your entire world changed.

I have to be okay, for them. Them? There can't be a 'them', there needs to be just one. But, I have to be okay for that to happen. I have to. I might despise myself, but only I can change myself. I have to be okay for them. Them? For now, them. Maybe this is what love is? being okay for the one you love. No! I've got it wrong! Maybe, just maybe, I can finally do something right, but I need to do it for myself. Not for them. I need to do it for myself. For myself. That's what he's telling me, because this will only become a never ending cycle. It's not about Hisoka or Chrollo anymore. I need to be okay, for me.