One Step Ahead part I | Sirius Black

Chapter 94

{{Oh my gosh another one}}

Dorcas flies apart from Marlene when the door to the dorm bangs open.

Gwen stands there, just in the doorway, eyes wide and frantic. Dorcas jumps to her feet, hurrying over to her friend and asking quickly, "Gwen, what's wrong?"

The Veela blinks, staring at Dorcas like she didn't realize she would be there. Marlene's eyes widen and she whispers, "Dor, what's wrong with her?"

Dorcas waves a hand in front of Gwen's face, flinching when she smacks it away, her chest still heaving up and down. Gwen slaps her hands over her ears and yells,

"IM A FUCKING IDIOT!"

Marlene jumps to her feet, jaw dropping as Gwen marches to her bed and flops down, screaming nonsense into her pillow. Dorcas glances at Marlene and flushes, muttering, "Button your shirt up for Merlin's sake!"

"It's not like she doesn't know!" Marlene argues haughtily, her finger moving to button her school shirt anyway. "This is Gwen we're talking about. She knows everything!"

Dorcas turns a deeper shade of pink and rolls her eyes, moving to her friends bed and watching as her breathing slowly grows slower. Marlene muses cheekily, "Is she dead?"

Dorcas shoots her a flat look, the Scottish witch holding her hands up in defense. Dorcas tentatively pokes Gwen, jumping in surprise when the Veela immediately turns over.

"Gwen?" Dorcas wonders, eyes growing rounder when she sees the slickness of the Veela's cheeks. She never cried. Dorcas sits down next to her and takes her hand, asking nervously, "Is everything okay?"

Gwen moans, eyes closing, "I've never been so embarrassed in my life."

"Oh," Dorcas says slowly. "Well, Marlene embarrasses herself all of the time."

"Oi!" Marlene cries, glaring at the Ravenclaw. Dorcas just smiles cheekily and turns back to Gwen, quickly wiping away her tears with her thumbs and asking gently, "Tell us what happened."

"I told Sirius that I loved him," Gwen says flatly, opening her eyes to see Dorcas glance back at Marlene. Both of their jaws practically hanging to the floor.

"And then I called him a bumbling baboon!" Gwen cries, flopping back over to press her face into her pillow. Marlene slaps a hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh. Dorcas sends her a warning look but smiles, both of them taken aback by their normally peaceful friend. Gwen had never been this flustered, this emotional. She usually left that to Dorcas or Lily.

Marlene hesitates before asking, "Well, what did he say?"

"I don't fucking know! I ran! I've never run so fast in my life," Gwen's voice is comically muffled by her blue pillow. The Veela turns her head and scowls at Dorcas saying, "This is your fault."

Dorcas quirks a brow, enjoying this change of pace. She takes a page from her normally passive friends book and asks calmly, "How is that?"

"You told me to give him a chance! Told me that he liked me!" Gwen points out, frowning when she realizes how insane she truly sounds. Her heart twists painfully in her chest and she whispers, "Merlin, he probably hates me. He probably thinks I'm a fucking nutter."

"No one thinks that," Marlene says with mirth. She and Dorcas both rear back when Gwen let's out a quiet sob, saying anxiously, "I've messed up. Fuck, I've messed it up."

"Gwen—"

"Dorcas, I basically vomited my feelings onto his shoes! And Sirius, H-he's given no indication that he at all feels love because love is a big scary emotion and we don't do scary emotions! W-we're not emotions people! I mean Merlin, he's going to freak out. I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out!"

Dorcas gently pats her back and murmurs soothingly, "Gwen, take some deep breaths. Deep breaths."

Gwen does as her friend says, whispering tearfully, "I didn't even give him the sodding map! That's what I wanted to do—just give him the map. And then I had to profess my undying love for the poor bloke."

Marlene and Dorcas shared a confused look at the blonde's words, glancing at where she's half heartedly waving towards parchment thats fallen to the floor. Dorcas decides to leave it alone, offering, "Why is this so scary for you? Why is it scary for you to think that maybe he feels the same way?"

Gwen pushes herself further into her mattress, craving her beach despite the waves of anxiety that crash in her mind. Pale, white eyes suddenly appear in her mind and she winces. Her mother. Her mother.

"I don't think anyone has loved me since I was 10."

Dorcas' heart drops at her best friends words. If it were anyone else, she would be offended. But Gwen meant it. She didn't think that she was capable of being loved, not since her mother had died. Dorcas whispers, "Gwen, we love you. All of us."

"You have to say that, you're my friend," Gwen mumbles flatly. Dorcas looks to Marlene for help, patting the spot on Gwen's bed next to her. Marlene climbs onto the blue clad mattress, saying warmly, "Gwen, we love you because you're brilliant and funny and the best hang man player we know. Not because we have to."

Dorcas sits nervously until the Veela slowly turns and asks quietly, "You mean that?"

"Of course!" Dorcas cries loudly, earning a surprised look from Marlene. "You thought this whole time we loved you just because we are friends?!"

Gwen blinks and shrugs a little, admitting hesitantly, "Yes, I thought that was just how it was."

Dorcas smiles knowingly and asks cheekily, "Why do you love me, Gwen?"

A tiny smile pulls at her best friends lips as she says slowly, "Because you always have my back, Dorcas. You're the smartest and kindest person I know. And the bravest Ravenclaw I know."

Dorcas laughs and nods, "Exactly! So you think that you're love for me is real, but mine for you isn't?"

Gwen blinks, brows furrowing. She'd never thought of it that way. Never thought of it at all. Love seemed unattainable, at least the returning of the affection. When her mum died, so did the love she felt she would ever receive. Family members certainly didn't want her, the ministry didn't protect her or make her feel loved. She'd been alone, isolated. And maybe she'd shielded herself from receiving love. Because the potential for pain was too great.

"You guys love me?" Gwen wonders cautiously. Marlene's eyes grow watery and Dorcas' heart breaks for the girl. The Ravenclaws flinch when Marlene shouts tearfully, "YES YOU BLOODY IDIOT!"

Gwen laughs when Dorcas and Marlene pile on top of her, hugging her until her lungs struggle for air. They finally let go of her and Gwen feels a flicker of doubt, saying pointedly, "That doesn't mean Sirius does."

"Gwen," Dorcas starts but the Veela cuts her off, saying quietly, "I-I don't want to talk about it anymore tonight. I'm fucking exhausted and I'll never sleep if I keep thinking about him. I'll just...have to wait and see I guess."

Marlene sighs and goes to say more, but Gwen says flatly,

"Instead we can discuss the fact that you two were in here shagging. With the door unlocked."

Marlene's jaw drops and her cheeks pink as she defends, "We weren't shagging!"

Gwen quirks a brow and quips, "Pity. Dorcas could use a shag. She's been rather uptight lately."

"Hey," Dorcas squawks, smacking Marlene's arm when she nods her head in agreement with the veela's words.

Dorcas wants to press more on the subject of Gwen and Sirius, but her friend is finally calming down, returning to her serene state. She hesitates before sighing and relaxing too.

She can only pray that Sirius Black doesn't screw this up. Or else he'll be dealing with two violent Gryffindor girls and a Ravenclaw out for blood. They meant business when it came to Gwen.

They loved her.