One Chicago: Health First Part 4

Chapter 1171

Erin's POV: After making our way upstairs to bed, I smiled as I got in bed before Jay because I wanted him to be just crawl into bed with me and get close to me. Once I was all comfortable, I rolled over and faced Jay when I saw him take his phone out of his pocket before sitting down in bed next to me. Opening his arms to get me to crawl over to him, I smiled when I went to lay down in his arms. "Of course you want me to lay down in your arms while we talk." Jay laughed and nodded as I slipped my legs in between his. "Like you don't want to be here too."

I nodded before moving my hands to his neck and then leaning my forehead against his. "Jay, talk to me babe. I can see what all this worrying is going to you. You aren't sleeping that good anymore...you are tossing in turning most of the night and now, you are being distant. I have feeling this distance between us and I want it to stop. Tell me what I can go to help you babe." Jay then sighed and went to rub my leg. "Erin, that's the problem. You have no clue just how bad my fears are. Sure, it's probably not going to be as bad as when I was in Afghanistan but..."

I then went to ask him something I always promised that I would never ask him but...I hoped he would understand that this is a special case. He is worried out of his mind about something that I can help him with and he needs to open up about his past so that I can help him. "Jay, I want to hear the stories so I can help you okay? I get you said that you don't want to talk about them but Jay....I am your wife and I need to know what I am dealing with when you are having your panic attacks. You need to tell me what I can say so that I can get you to snap out of it and relax."

Jay sighed and nodded as he looked down. "I just feel ashamed that I am even having all these dreams. I mean, I am supposed to be this strong...intelligence officer and veteran. Meanwhile, I have PTSD and I swear...sometimes I regret even joining intelligence. Please don't get mad when I say that. You know for a fact that of course I am glad I joined. It led to us getting married and having a child together. But the stuff I see everyday in intelligence is just hard to comprehend. It doesn't help my PTSD at all. And it's stuff I always thought was just stuff terrorists did." 

I nodded and decided to just let Jay talk. "But now, with what the intelligence is saying....this is taking me back to a specific night while I was in Afghanistan. I was working in Kabul. Biden was in town and I was part of his security detail. There was threats against the Afghanistan parliament where he was scheduled to have a meeting with the President and Vice-President of Afghanistan relating to the ongoing war there. So, it's a little weird now because there are threats against the US congress and both the VP and VP-elect are going to be in the same room."

Laying down his chest as Jay moved his arms around me, I felt him rub my back. "I am just scared of what's going to happen. Are we going to have a war on home soil this time? What does that mean for me...does it mean that I am going to be forced to go serve to protect the government? Am I going to be able to choose a side or will I have to listen to our current commander-in-chief as to who to defend? I know it's a lot to consider but...that's what's going on in my head right now." I understood and decided to kiss his cheek.

Jay then turned his head and looked at me. "I think I might want to go into work on that day and just not watch the TV. I am going to need to burry myself in a case." I nodded and understood. "Listen, you stay here okay? I need to go make a phone call." Jay sighed when I said that. "Erin, I'm going to..." I just leaned down and went to kiss him softly. "Jay, trust me when I say this...I am going to make a call and this is going to be okay. We are going to get through this."

Jay just nodded and decided to trust me. "I might just relax here okay?" I nodded. "No news, no e-mails, just rest okay? You tossed and turned last night. Did you get much sleep?" Jay shook his head. "Then get some rest and I will be back in a minute okay?" Jay nodded and smiled, letting me go. "Don't get too stressed okay? Remember that as much as you want to take care of me...you still need to take care of yourself and our beautiful baby girl in there."

I then felt him put his hand on my stomach and smiled. Bending down to kiss him softly, I smiled as I went to help him relax. That's when I felt him grab my neck and just hold me close for a minute. "When I get back, we will do something to change your mind okay? I think that's really what you need right now." Jay then smirked and nodded as he gave me one last kiss. "Love you." I smiled and nodded. "I love you too Jay." I then went to get up and grabbed my phone.

It was time to call Hank and Antonio. They were going to help me on January 6th by setting up a sting operation or something to help get Jay's mind off of the possible things that could happen. If he just sits here all day that day...he is going to go crazy and have a major episode of PTSD that I am not sure he is going to be able to handle.