I hate you from the bottom of my heart

Part 9: Panic at the league

⚠️Warning⚠️
This chapter contains angst, blood and mention of abuse. Also background information.

Dabi's POV

'This house, no this mansion is way luxurious than the house of my old man. The floors are made out of stone, the bathrooms have floor heating, the paintings seem expensive and the furniture is pretty good too.' I walked out of the large bar in the hall. 'The whiskey here is really good but I wonder what happened to Tomura after we left in our rooms. It must be really depressing finding out that your perfect plan got cancelled and you lost 3 members.

I continued walking to my own room. Suddenly I heard silent crying out of Shigaraki's room. I knocked at the door "Hey you ok crusty?" I just heard whimpers coming from the other side. 'Should I or not? You know what fuck it!!' "I'm coming in!" I said and opened the door. When I looked on the darker room I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

Tomura was crouching on his bed, crying uncontrollably. His snow-white sheets were blood stained. His arms, neck and face were bloody and severely wounded. His eyes were red from his crying and his nose was running. He was just whispering "Why why why why why!!"

I was in shock 'I've never seen Tomura so vulnerable and hurt' I felt young again when Shoto would come to me after my dad would force him to train. He was always crying after that bitch abused him.'

I closed the door behind me and walked closer to Tomura. He backed away screaming "Don't hurt me dad, please!!! I promise I won't talk about heroes ever again!!" I said gently "Tomu, it's me stitches don't be afraid." His crying and screaming just intensed and he even scratched his neck harder. 'He doesn't seem to hear me at all. It hurts a bit since he would get pissed of only of my existence. Why do I want to be noticed by HIM!!'

'He has a panic attack. It seems like I was right or something just has been bothering him for a while. Maybe some attention helps' I walked up to him and he backed away again to the other and of the bed and curled up in the blanket. I sat on the bed and looked at the cocoon.

Then I hugged it and his crying intensed and I rubbed his back because that always helped me when I was crying. I rubbed in little circles and it seemed to help. I got his head out of the blanket so he can breathe better. "Hey it's okay, he can't hurt you anymore." I answered calmly. Now I can actually see his face with the multiple scars, his birthmark around his lip and those beautiful Rubin eyes which normally just glare at me in hatered. 'What beautiful?? Did I just describe the creeps eyes as something pretty??' I was confused but decided to ignore it for the moment since Tomura needs my help now.

I pulled him on my lap and he cried on my chest now. I grabbed his hands and pulled them down. "Don't do that, your already bleeding enough Tomu." I said gently. "Can you hear my heartbeat? If you do please concentrate on it. It'll calm you down." I pulled him to the place where my heart is supposed to be. 'Why am I so nice to him?? Why do I even care about that crusty leader of mine??? What is happening with me??'

We just stayed in this position for 10 more minutes until I was sure he was calm again. His breaths got longer, he closed his eyes and cuddled onto my warmer body. "See it's way better now." I leaned back and rised my body heat a bit. He started to snore a bit and I knew he was asleep now. 'But what has triggered him!! He said something about his dad. I need to ask him that when he wakes up.'

~Before the panic attack~

Shiggy's POV

I woke up in my bed. At first I was surprised and panicked because I was at my master's second house, but then I remembered what happened yesterday. I pulled out my inhaler and used it. Then I panicked again 'What am I supposed to tell All for one. This is the second time I totally messed up. Is he going to get rid of me?? What should I do??" I started biting my lower lip and scratching my neck hardly.

Suddenly a black shadow came out of the corner. It was my dad. 'What is HE doing here?!' "Looks like your in trouble Tenko. What did I tell you for years about useless weaklings like YOU?!" he snickered. "I'm not useless dad!!" I responded. "Not useless. Don't make me laugh you screw up. Just look at you, you failed horribly TWICE you haven't done anything than laying around lazy." he yelled. "That's not true!!" I yelled and tears started come out of my eyes. "Aw are you crying?! Your so pathetic!! And think, that we didn't even count the fails you had as my mistake of a son!!" he said. My sobbing got worse and I curled up, laying my face on my knees.

Then Master showed up "He's right Tomura, you haven't accomplished a single thing. You are totally worthless as my successor!! I should have left you on the streets to die!! You are not necessarily and you were not my first choice." "Why why why why??" I whispered to myself. My real dad walked loudly towards me and pulled out his belt. He swung it around a couple of times. "You might as well delete yourself, NOBODY would even care!! No hero will come to save you from me!!" "Don't hurt me dad, please!! I promise I won't talk about heroes ever again!!" I yelled afraid.

I scratched myself even harder and scream cried loudly. My dad reached the end of my bed and I backed away and tried to hide from him in my blanket. I was so scared of him. I cried for help which I know will never come. No hero had come to save me, only mom was there. But she never stopped dad from beating me up, she was too scared of him herself.

Then suddenly something warm wrapped around me. The warmth was welcoming, protecting and caring. The voices started to become blurry and quieter. 'It feels likey mom. But somehow not like mom at all. I like it.' Then suddenly it felt a lot easier to breath and the warmth filled up my entire body. Sometimes pulled my hand down and I heard a heartbeat....It was slow and nice to listen to. I leaned onto the heat source and closed my eyes listening to this beautiful heartbeat. It was so nice and constant that I started feeling sleepy.

The voices of my dad and Master were gone, the warmth made them go away, it protected me. 'Unlike some people called heroes!!"  I was really thankful that it saved me. I felt how everything around me started to fade away. How my limps got limp, my mind got quiet and I fell asleep. 'Thanks warmth for protecting me!! Like a real hero' was my last thought before I completely faded into the nice heat.

Dabi's POV (again)

I gently pulled Tomu out of my lap and laid him in his bed. I got up and went to his own bathroom looking for bandages and medicine. I found some in a little cupboard. I got a little towel and walked into his bedroom again. I put some alcohol on the towel and cleaned his wounds softly with it. He moved around a couple of times and whimpered once, but I had to continue. 'We have to do this unless you want your wounds to get infected.' After cleaning his wounds I put some ointment on them and wrapped them up with the bandages. 'It's good to know how to correctly treat wounds, unless you want them to get infected. I'll just do this and leave him alone.' I wrapped the blanket nicely around him, I walked to the door and opened it. But before I left the room I looked one last time at the sleeping Tomura before closing the door quietly. 'He looks so peacefully, you wouldn't know that he is an asshole by this sight.' I shuffled angrily around the hall and in the bar. 'Why am I angry, there's nothing to piss off bit still I fell like killing someone.'

In the bar I wanted to get myself some vodka, but I ended up getting water since I still needed to use my brain. I sat down on a barstool with my water bottle. 'Why is he so afraid of his dad?? Could his dad be like mine, an abusive asshole?? What can I do?! If he starts getting panic attacks out of nowhere he won't be able to lead the league.' I interrupted my own thoughts 'Why do I even care?? Aren't I supposed to hate him?? Why couldn't I leave him alone back there??? Why did I feel the need to protect him?' I continued thinking and got to the final conclusion that I needed to do something quickly, before it'll get worse. The feeling and the panic attacks. But I didn't know what to do. I got up frustrated and walked to the door. "Where are you planning to go Dabi??" a voice asked. I looked behind me to see Kurogiri. "Can't I go out for a walk around the area??" I asked pissed. "Do what you please just don't get caught." he responded. I nodded and opened the door to freedom.

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