I hate you from the bottom of my heart

Part 15: Anxiety and Questions

⚠️ Warning ⚠️ angst

Shiggy's POV

I woke up in my slightly dark room feeling incredibly cold. I shivered even though I had a blanket and it was early autumn. I was cold because of fear. It was so cold, I'm scared!! 'What does he know?!!!' I asked myself. Yesterday's closet incident repeated in my head over and over again. It was painful but I couldn't stop it.

He looked at me as asked calmly 'What did your dad do to you?' those damn words from this stupid bastard. And those damn ocean blue eyes. I want to destroy them, their wearer is such an asshole. 'He even let me cry into his hand!! What does he want from me!!' I curled up in my blanket and I shivered in fear.

My breathing got quicker and I felt a warm liquid coming out of my eyes 'Why am I crying!!! I don't have a fucking reason to cry. Didn't I cry enough already?! This is so pathetic. I'm so WEAK!!' My vision got blurry. Everything seemed to melt into everything, it was just a blurry mess. I couldn't see shit no more.

The air got thin around me and I couldn't breathe in properly. 'Oh no where's my goddamn inhaler!!' I panicked and my breathes turned into chocking. I threw the blanket of me and reached onto the cold bedside table searching for it with my hand. 'Where is it!! Where is it!!' It got harder to breathe every second. I could not get enough air in my lungs to focus anymore.

I felt something in my hand. 'My inhaler' I brought my hand back to my body but then it started crumbling. ' Fuck no no no no no no!!' I silently cried out. 'My inhaler!!' It as gone, I disintegrated it. Now my only hope was just a little pile of dust in front of me. I wanted to scream but I got no word or even a sound out of me. I was a silent desperate scream for help. My lips were trembling. I was so scared. 'Why is it even so fucking bad??' I asked myself.

It began to dawn on me that I forgot to take it yesterday. I panicked too much and my thoughts were all over the place yesterday. I felt a sharp pain forming and spreading in my lungs. Like someone was stabbing me but I just couldn't die. I was tortured by the pain. My lungs and body was screaming for air. My whole body gave up on me and I fell undamped on the bed. I wanted to focus and calm down but I just wouldn't work. I was trapped in this pain, trapped in this never ending nightmare, trapped in my life .

I laid on my bed while my breathing got weaker. My mind got foggy and I felt like dying. 'Is this the end?? Was that my fucking life?? Is it over now?? What about my friends and Raven?? What about that damn Dabi?? Will they miss me or just laugh at my stupidity??' I felt even colder in this moment, everything fainting away. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. It was terrifying. My vision started to get darker and I lost the feeling in all of my limps. I wanted to fight my tiredness but it was just so overwhelming. It was almost tempting, it was like giving up but sweeter. 'I don't want to fucking die, not now!! But maybe I get to finally see my mom, sister and mon again' I wanted to cry but felt to weak to even try.

"What kind of fucking weakling are you!!" I heard a voice in my head. It was my dad "Dying so fast, I thought you were supposed to be the successor of All for one!!" He snickered. I don't wanna hear his voice anymore. It was just painful.

So I simply gave up and let the numbness flood over me. I closed my eyes. I didn't accept this kind of game over but I can't fight against it. I was not prepared for this end. One last thing popped up in my head 'Did he really care or was it just acting?' Then my thoughts shut down and I faded away into a lonely darkness.

But then one thought came into my head ' I still need to slap Dabi in his whole fucking face!!' It seemed like nothing special, like an unimportant wish, but in such a situation it was life-changing. 'I want to life!! I need to life!! I need to slap Dabi across his whole face. I need to take care of Raven!! I WANT to proff to my father that I am a worthy son!! I NEED to LIVE!!' It was like a thunder hit my body. A new will to life besides destroying everything that pisses me of. I fought my numbness with my new strength. 'I need to survive this shit!!'

Suddenly my eyes opened again and I laid in my bed 'What the fuck!! Aren't I supposed to be dead!!' Then I noticed some black lines or musters on my skin. I looked in the big mirror across from me and saw my literally red glowing eyes. As soon as I noticed it they just disappeared. 'What the fuck was that!! Could it be" I thought surprised "that I have two quirks!! It's the only explanation on why I'm alive right now. But also why do I have two quirks now?? Did I always have two quirks or did All for one gave one to me?? What kind of quirk is it? Like Regeneration or something else' I was confused but also glad that I can see the light of another day.

Explanation:  If you read the manga you know that Tomura had no known quirk till the age of 5 or 6 until some man in a black suit brought him home one day. I think or at least believe that Tomura had some kind of quirk like All for ones younger brother. A hidden one that only shows itself in extreme or no situation. And that All for one gave him his Decay quirk. Which would explain why he had no control over it and killed his entire family. The other quirk is called 'Survivor' (it is basically what doesn't kill you makes you stronger). It makes him survive deadly situations like this one but only if he has enough will to life. The quirk also gives him some kind of little upgrade for his body. Like if he nearly died in a fire, he'll still get a lot of burns but he would get like 10% fire resistants from his quirk. The quirk also takes away a whole chunk of stamina to let his body survive which is why he will fell really exhausted after it activated and have a lot of appetite or a thirst for sweet things. So he can die of exhaustion after using it and he won't be able to save himself since he has no energy left. The quirk doesn't have an anti-aging thing so he'll still die if old age. I just wanted to say that so I won't confuse you guys too much.

I stood up and walked closer to the mirror. 'Still nothing, those lines won't show up anymore.' I sighed and walked to my closet to get dressed. It was almost creepy at how calm I was when I almost died just a minute ago. 'I should ask Kurogiri for a new inhaler and eat or drink something. "I'm so fucking exhausted!!" I whined out loud. I decided to wear one of my older thin black hoodies and some gray short pants. I shuffled back to the bedside table to get my gloves. They laid on the floor beside it. 'I must have pushed them down while looking for my inhaler.' I thought as I slipped them on.

I decided to go to the kitchen to get myself something to eat. 'I'm starving!!' I sighed as I opened the kitchen door and to my surprise some cupcakes were on a big plate. 'I want one!!' I drooled at the sight of all the colourful cupcakes. 'I normally don't have a sweet tooth but now I would fucking kill to eat one of those!! Maybe it's a side effect of my new quirk??' I grabbed a cupcake with blue icing and took a big bite.

To my surprise the sweetness was just right and I really enjoyed it. Out of nowhere I heard a chuckle behind me. I turned around and saw those damn ocean blue eyes again. They seemed to focus on me but then looked away. "You have some icing on your cheek." he said with his usual dark voice. I blushed slightly and tried to wipe it away with my sleeve. "I didn't know you had a sweet tooth." he added and walked to the fridge. "I don't particular like sweet things. I just felt like eating one right now!" I hissed back and grabbed another cupcake with yellow icing.

"No need to get so worked up Shiggy" he answered and walked out of the door with some kind of soft drink. I blushed again and yelled "Don't call me Shiggy!!" I heard a faint "Yeah Yeah whatever." I was slightly blushing again. 'Who does he think he is!!' I felt something in my chest, a tight feeling. It was not painful but still bothering. 'What is this feeling?? Why can't I stop blushing?? Why is this day so confusing?' I asked myself as I grabbed a cupcake with green icing and walked out of the kitchen.

I decided to go back to bed again. 'I should get some sleep since I barely slept last or this night.' I yawned and laid down in bed. I fell asleep pretty quickly and I dreamed about some kind of forest with a lot of beautiful flowers and other plants. 'I like plants' I smiled and walked deeper into the forest.

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