I hate you from the bottom of my heart

Part 21: Slow recovery

Shiggy's POV

The next day the doctor told me about the whole recovery process I have to go through.
At first we will try to regenerate the muscles in my arms and then slowly start with my legs. I have to learn all this stuff again like writing, grabbing, holding and walking. The first time when we do my arms and then start with my legs I will probably be in a wheelchair. After that I will also train with crutches. The heroes will not find out that I am here because this is a private hospital and 'Dabi' already paid for the whole thing. I told him that I may have dreamed about something but I couldn't put my hand on it. He said that this is completely normal and that I shouldn't worry about it to much. The dream somehow made me fell relaxed and I had a fuzzy feeling in my body. I don't know if I like it or not. It's confusing since I never felt like this before.

'Yesterday was soo fucking exhausting. The doctor and nurses made multiple check ups and everyone talked to me. But now I'm up and not even one of these bitches shows up!?! This is fucking stupid anyway!' I laid in my bed and suddenly felt bad that Dabi had to pay for my recovery 'I could have just paid for it myself...I have to repay him sometime!!' I thought and in the exact same moment the door opened again.

My eyes went to the direction of the door and I saw the doctor with a tray. On the tray was a little bowl and a clip board. "So Tomura we are going to try out some stuff with your hand today. I brought you some real food since you can't just keep getting needles with some stuff in them forever." I nodded slightly and he pulled out a little table thing from my bed and placed it in front of me and put a bowl with hot soup and a spoon on it.

It was this meal that made me notice how hungry I was and how much I graved real food. 'That looks so delicious.' I wanted to grab the spoon so badly but my arm just wouldn't move. 'God fucking damnit' I thought as the doctor sat down on the chair next to my bed.

"So at first we are going to test if you can still move your fingers. Even if it is just a little bit." He explained as the laid my left hand on my lap and pulled out a pen to write everything down. "You may start now. Take your time." He added and looked closely at my fingers.

I followed his eyes and focused on my fingers. 'Come on Tomura. Just move these motherfucking things just a little bit.' I silently ordered my fingers and suddenly my middle finger moved a tiny little bit 'Good four more to go' I thought and tried moving the other fingers.

One by one they moved a little bit the little finger being the hardest to move. I was happy and started playing around with the little movement of my fingers. I was doing this until the doctor took my hand and said "Ok you did pretty good now let's try out the other on too." He grabbed my right hand gently and laid it to my left hand.

After ten minutes I could move the fingers on both of my hands freely. The doctor had scribbled down nearly everything I did and now I was even more hungrier. The doctor said he could feed me but I insisted to not be fed by a complete stranger and that I would rather have a straw to slurp the soup.

~2 minutes later~

*Insert angry slurping noises*
"You know I could just have fed you." The doctor said concerned as he held the bowl close to my chest. I just glared at him for a moment and he smiled a bit. After I finished eating the doctor nodded and added "Some of your friends and Dabi are going to visit you later. While you wait for them I'll go get you a wheelchair so you can go in our big garden."

The doctor left the room and I laid there starring holes into the white wall. 'What happened while I was gone?? The others told me that they visited me nearly every day but when I asked them about Dabi they just changed the topic or avoided the question...Did the others force him to visit me?? Did...Did he not care about me anymore?!' This question filled my mind and made me feel incredibly miserable and somehow betrayed. I felt like crying but I didn't really know why 'He never even cared for me.. why would anyone care about a disgusting creep like me!!' But something in the back of my mind told me that this is bullshit. I don't know why though....' Maybe it is connected with the dream..'

I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep like all those other dark depressing nights. But I couldn't..I couldn't move. Only my fingers quivered in fear. I felt lost and lonely again. 'I am soo fucking useless!! I couldn't even defend myself from a bunch of kids and I am supposed to be the next leader of the league!? Why is everything so hard, why does everyone make things so hard for me!!'      Bullshit

Then the door suddenly opened. I looked to the side quickly so he won't notice my teary eyes. 'Calm down Tomura, calm down, everything will be just fine. Just put on a happy face and don't let the see through.. I'll fix this on my own!!'         Bullshit

"You can go outside in a second." The doctor said and came closer to my bed 'He probably thinks that I looked out of the window.' I turned my head around and smiled "Yeah I missed going outside." He nodded and placed the wheelchair next to my bed. The doctor placed some strings and machines near the wheelchair and some things on a metal stick with rolls. He then proceeded to grab me when we heard a knock on the door.

Dabi walked in a second later and looked at me. At first he seemed confused but then he just pushed himself past the doctor and mumbled "Let me do this..Your weak anyway Nat'" 'So his name is Nat or something like this.'

Then Dabi gently grabbed my chest with one arm and my legs with the other. He then carried me bridal style. I blushed a little bit as he let me down on the wheelchair next to my bed. 'This is fucking embarrassing!!' I thought but the thought imidently exited my brain as Dabi spoke "I will bring you in the garden where the others wait for us. We'll be using the elevator." Nat just nodded and Dabi pushed me out of the room.

The walk to the elevator was kinda awkward for me. I just kept looking on the ground the whole time. When we entered the elevator Dabi pushed one of the buttons, then he turned around and asked "Is something on your mind??"

I froze at how accurate this question was but I just answered "Nothing...I'm just a bit tired and I miss going outside." I smiled at him but he just replied "You are a terrible liar but I won't push you. Tell me when you feel ready to." I was shocked at the fact that he could see right through my lie but I just nodded slightly.

When we entered the garden Toga ran towards us with Raven in her arms. "I'm so happy to see you again. You can finally get some fresh air Shiggy!!" She yelled happily. Kurogiri, Magne, Mr. Compress and Spinner walked behind her. "So what's up bud??" Spinner asked "Idk but the doctor said I'm doing good." "That's good to hear. As soon as you can move your arms and fingers freely we can play video games again!!" He yelled excited. "Boy after your physical therapy thing we could give you a new fresh hair style. You definitely need it!!" Magne stated as she ruffled my hair. "Hey don't get it to messed up!!" I laughed. "I sure do hope our young leader will recover soon. So we can continue to cause chaos in this intoxicated world." Mr. Compress added while playing around with marbles in his left hand.

We talked about some stuff while walking through the big park. Like my physical therapy or new games or haircuts for me. In the end we decided to keep my hair long and maybe make a bun or braid it. Magne wanted to shave of all the hair on my left side and leave the hair on the right side long...At the end it was a bit to much change for me but I said that I might consider it in the future.( In her POV left side which would be right side in Shiggy's POV). They also told me that it was Dabi's idea to bring me here and I honestly am relieved that he brought me here. We laughed a lot together and joked about. Kurogiri told me that the bodies are save in some kind of big glass with substance we usually use for Nomus. Mr. Compress told us about the wonderful magic tricks he learned and demonstrated a few of them.

We stopped at a rose garden with all different kind of roses. It also had a huge marble fountain in the middle with some stone benches. The others decided to leave since they need to do some unfinished business and probably beat some heroes up because the league has been quite inactive. Dabi was left to bring me back to my room.

So there we were. I sat in my wheelchair while he sat on a bench next to me and enjoyed the beautiful scenery. The birds were chirping and the wind was blowing in my hair. I heard the leaves rustle and everything seemed perfect for a moment until the thoughts came back. The thoughts of being weak, a disappointment, ugly and useless.

I breathed in and looked over to Dabi "Hey, can I ask you something Dabi??" I said "Mhm" he nodded and turned towards me to show that I have his attention. I looked down for a moment to find the right words to ask him such a thing but then it just slipped out of my mouth "Am I useless Dabi?"

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