Snakes and Lions (Draco x Reader x Harry)

4.22 My First Spell

I had to tell Melis that our parents are dead. She broke down, trembling. I-I don't really know how to help, our family was never very sentimental or expressive of our feelings. I had to give her attention at first, then leave her to herself. She wanted to isolate and have her Hufflepuff friends. Everyone grieves differently, and I can't change that. She wants to feel, and I don't. She grieves by processing emotionally, while I put myself into denial, and then deny my feelings in general. I throw my efforts into work, into things, into goals. People think I shut off my feelings but that's not true, I compartmentalize. I push myself to protect the people that I have left. How I can prevent this from happening again. It shows in the amount of research I've done to protect Melis. I think I've figured it out, and I've made a proposal for Dumbledore.

I've cut myself off from Draco, we broke up. He's still a bit unsure why, I can't bear to tell him what his father did. I still like Draco, I still consider him my friend. I just can't be around him without seeing his father kill my father.

"Draco...please just stop trying." I beg him, he keeps on hounding me about every little thing. He wants to get back together.

"Why, you're going through a rough patch with the loss of your parents. I know that will end eventually. I know you compartmentalize; so please, let me help you." He puts his hand on my shoulder.

"You just can't." I slide his hand off my shoulder. I sense he's getting upset. He thought I'd come around for help a few weeks after, but I'm not. All I see in him is Lucius, I can't help it.

"Fine, I'll stop trying. Waste of my time anyways." He saunters off.

Draco hasn't spoken to me since. He's been adoring the attention of Pansy though, and she sure lets me know about it. It bothers me, it does; I can't control what happened between our families though. Despite still potentially having feelings for Draco, knowing that sometimes the thought of his kiss lingers on my lips, his father killed my father. We can't be together, it would be toxic. I'm assuming we will both need holiday to process and come back, ready to be friends.

Luckily, I've found solace in my Gryffindor's. Hermione and Ron help when they can, but Harry and I find comfort in each other. Nothing romantic, nothing romantic at all, our minds aren't even in that space. We've suffered great trauma together, and sometimes it helps to know you're not truly alone. That someone else completely understands what you went through. Fred and George help lighten my mood with their shenanigans. Blaise helps me silently. Sitting next to me in classes when we are with our houses. He just makes sure I'm not completely alone when we're surrounded by happy people.

The end of the year nears, exams still come. The end of the year feast turns into a memorial for Cedric. I am not opposed at all, although it's hard for me to listen. It's hard for me to pay attention, even though I want to, because every word spoken for Cedric brings me back to that horrific night.

"Today we acknowledge a really terrible loss. Cedric Diggory was as you all know, exceptionally hard working, intricately fair minded. And most importantly a fierce, fierce friend. I think therefore you have the right to know exactly how he died. You see, Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort." Students gasp. "The ministry of magic does not wish me to tell you this. But not to do so I think would be an insult to his memory. Now the pain we all feel at this dreadful loss reminds me, reminds us that while we may come from different places and speak in different tongues, our hearts beat as one. In light of recent events the bonds of friendship we made this year will be more important than ever. Remember that and Cedric Diggory will not have died in vain, you remember that. And we'll celebrate a boy who was kind and honest and brave and true right to the very end." Dumbledore ends his speech and thunderous applause roars. I have to hold a few tears back, but Blaise gives me a comforting look.