Broken Promises

Keep going tears can't fall forever

Y/N's POV

I was being a bitch on Rose's birthday, and I couldn't help but feel bad about it after leaving and seeing Lizzie there didn't help at all. I apologized with Scarlett but she told me that I needed help and that even if I say that the trip helped me it didn't and that I needed to talk with someone. I agreed with her and I have been going to therapy, and it seems like I did need help because the therapist told me that she wanted to see me everyday, I mean I have to be so fucked for the therapist want to see me everyday, sorry I am not fucked the therapist said that I need to stop telling myself that I'm broke and fucked and all the bad things I used to call myself 

I'm making progress I know it, because I saw Lizzie and I didn't get mad not feel hurt, of course I didn't talk with her the therapist asked me why and I told her that maybe I haven't forgave her, and she said maybe, that's why I don't like go to therapy they just ask you why about everything you do and how you feel and when you want them to tell you something they just keep asking you questions, I hope she would have the answers. How am I suppose to tell her how I feel when I don't even know the answer

Anyways the progress is slow but it's progress which my therapist says it's good, and I'm starting to believe her because I feel a little bit good, I mean I don't feel the pain and my mind stopped telling me that it was my fault Lizzie left me and that I am not enough for anyone, so that's why I think going to therapy is helping me, and Scarlett is not mad at me anymore

The next week is Luca's birthday he doesn't want a big party like Rose's, so my mom decided to be just us the family so it will be just a couple of people and my mom is cooking his favorite food that is enchiladas is Mexican food and they taste pretty good so I'm so excited for his birthday. My mom asked him what he wanted for her to give him as a present and he said that he wants to stay here forever and live here, my mom didn't tell him anything but she didn't say no so she is thinking about it. They have been here for months so I think they will stay here 

I am not working, my therapist said that it was better if I concentrate on my myself but of course here at home and not running away, she also said and I quote her ' You did run away from your problems you wanted to masked it saying you were following your dream but you just ran away from your problems and you thought everything would be fine when you came home'  bullshit I know, but maybe she is right, I wanted to be away from everything and everyone and I decided to leave when it became harder for me to stay here so yeah I did run away. You saw that,  I'm doing better the therapist said that I need to accept the good things and the bad things about me, I just accepted that I ran away so it's progress, I'm progressing everyday

Also I started to look houses I need to move on I can't live with my mom all my life even if she cooks me and everything is easier, I'm a grown woman that is independent, so I'm looking for a house. I was thinking on moving to the cabin but there are a lot of beautiful but painful memories. The therapist is helping me to move on and to not let the things I used to do with Lizzie affect me, it also includes the places we were together and created memories. Of course I am not coining back to the house I mean she cheated on me there, and maybe more than once I don't know the truth yet

The therapist, ok I need to stop calling her the therapist, Emma said that is better if I don't know it yet, she said that it was better but I know she meant that  I am not ready to hear it, she said that I need to be able to forgive Lizzie not matter what she did, forgive her means that I don't have anything against her and that I want to really forgive her, sometimes is so confusing but I hope someday I will be able to understand

I like that I am not working, I still get paid because I still own the Law Firm, Roger is just the head of it but I get all the money, of course I need to paid them for their work. I don't know why I used to ask Roger everything and do whatever he asked me to. I am the goddamn boss, and if I don't want to work for a year I won't do it