Broken Promises

Never regret anything that made you smile

Y/N's POV

Today is New Year, I spent Christmas with my mom, and today Scarlett will throw a party, a part of me is excited but the other part doesn't want to go. I ask Scarlett who will be at the party but she said it was confidential I mean she could have use another excuse but confidential that's bullshit

Luca is sad he can't come with me, I told him it was an adult's party, I'm not sure of it but I know Scarlett so I'm not taking Luca to that party, besides Rosie won't be there, I'm sure there will be alcohol and I'm not planning on taking care of a kid, I will have fun or at least try to have fun. I haven't talk with Lizzie since the photo shoot, I felt like we were getting closer so I had to step back, I can't let her in, not again

Also I have an appointment with Emma today, which is weird because I mean she should have holidays, I will ask her why she wanted to see me today, I mean I thought all the appointments we have were going to be cancelled because of the holidays but it seems she really likes her job

So now I'm on my way to see her, we have been talking a lot about Lizzie, I told Emma what she has been doing and trying to get closer to me and I told her how I feel about it, well I tried to told her because I don't even know what I am feeling. Anyways everything is so complicated right now

I entered the building and smile at Ellie and she let me come in to Emma's office "Don't you have another place rather to be here?" I asked Emma as I walk in the office "Hi Y/N nice to see you too" she replied. I sat on the couch "So tell me what do you want to talk about? Why am I here today?" I asked her and she raises her eyebrows at me "I'm the one who is supposed to ask you those questions" she said "So tell ME Y/N how are YOU feeling?" She asked and I hummed in thought "Today or like emotionally?" I asked her "I see you don't want to talk" she assumed "What makes you think that?" I asked her "Because you tend to answer my questions with questions" she said "Right, my bad, ehh what was the first question again?" I asked her and she sighed

"Did something happen this week Y/N?" She asked me "Oh no, I don't think so" I told her and she hummed "Did Elizabeth contact you after the photo shoot?" When I'm here I always feel like she is interrogating me it's like to be in court literally, they ask you questions and you can't lie, I mean here I can lie but I will lie to myself too so it's not good "Yeah she did, on Christmas" I told her "What did she do?" well she couldn't do anything because she just called me but I didn't know it was her "Her sisters called me, well I thought it was her sisters but it was her, and I heard that she was drunk and she start telling me how much she misses me and stuff like that" I explained her "Stuff like what?" She really wants the details "You know the same thing that I told you" I told her "The same thing that happened in the photo shoot? She asked and I nod

"Do you have an answer of what you are feeling about all of this?" She asked and I sighed "I already answered you that question" I told her but she shook her head "You haven't, you just kept telling me that you don't like it and that she needs to stop but you can't tell me why you want her to stop and why you don't like it" she said and I groaned "I don't know ok, it's not as easy as it seems" I told her "I can't tell you what you feel but I have an idea of what is happening" she said "And you won't tell me because I need to figure out all my shit by myself" I told her earning a glare from Emma "I'm sorry, all my stuff" I apologized "I will tell you, it might help you to figure out your feelings" she said and I nod to let her continue "You are scared Y/N" she said and I looked at her confused

I am not scared of anything "Scared of what?" I asked her not believing what she is saying "You told me that you always end hurt in your relationships, you told me that the love you had for Elizabeth was epic and that you never felt it before, you told me no one made you as happy as Elizabeth did, but you told me that when you started to believe that no one will hurt you again because you were with the right person, she hurt you, and that you felt broken hence you are here" she said "I'm sacred to be hurt again" I realized and she nods "That's why you didn't let Daniel came closer either, because even if he is not Elizabeth you are scared to be hurt again" she said and I looked at her confused "I didn't let Daniel in because I didn't feel ready and because I don't want anything with him and now I don't even want to see him not when he shouted my secret" I told her and then shut up