Depression/ anxiety one shots

Thanks for telling me ( tw ⚠️ su!c!dal ideation)

That is the 3rd time in a row my phone had rang. She kept calling me and I felt bad ignoring her but I was afraid of what would come out of my mouth if I picked up.

I hadn't really left my bed for a few days and I knew I was worrying my girlfriend but I just knew once I started talking to her I wouldn't be able to stop and I'd tell her all about how I didn't think I could do this anymore.

It's not like I had a bad life. I was just very depressed and lately it was getting to be too much and my head went to dark places I couldn't get myself out of.

I decided to ignore the phone and go back to sleep to avoid everything once again. When I woke up it was to her sitting at the foot of my bed.

" Ellie, what are you doing here?" I nonchalantly asked but was internally surprised she would just show up.

" What do you mean " what am I doing here" ?" She said. " You haven't picked up the phone since yesterday and I knew you hadn't left the bed so I was really worried about you baby."

" I'm fine." I lied and she could clearly tell.

" No babe, you're really not. Can I help you up? Maybe get you into a shower and get you some food?" She said and grabbed my hands gently starting to pull me up when I roughly yanked my hands from hers and she looked at me shocked.

" No!" I yelled. "I just want to go back to sleep, please leave me alone!"

" Baby I can't leave you like this. I'm scared." She said with a hurt look in her eyes.

I sat up. " Scared? Scared of what ? That I'll do something to hurt myself? That I'll try and k!ll myself ? Well you should be ! It's the only thought that's been occupying my fucking head for the past few days ! I don't want to do this anymore!" I yelled and she looked scared at my tone. " I , I can't do this anymore." I said softly and broke into tears.

" I love you Ellie , so much, but I can't be what you deserve. I can't Ellie, I just , I can't do it , I don't wanna, I don't , I can't ." I said struggling through my words and she pulled me in wrapping her arms around me.

" Shhh baby, it's okay, I'm here , I'm here and I got you, okay love, I got you." She said trying to calm me while I buried my head into her chest and sobbed while she smoothed my hair.

Once I stopped crying she slowly released her arms from around me and leaned back to face me.

" Baby, I love you, so very much , and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. Thanks for telling me everything. I'm gonna be here to help you through this." Ellie said grabbing my hand.

" I'm sorry for yelling and worrying you by telling you . I'm sorry." I said.

" No don't apologize love, I'm so grateful you told me . I think we need to call your doctor and get you back on some meds though ." She said.

I waited a minute before I spoke . " Okay, I'll try." I said and we called and made an appointment.

" I'm proud of you. I know it's always hard to do that." She said.

" I'd do anything you asked." I said .

" Well I'll remember that for our next fun time in the bedroom ." She said lightening the mood and it made me smile. " But on a serious note , you have to want this for yourself, not just because I want you to ." She said.

" You're right, and I do, I guess I just needed a little push." I said.

" So do you maybe want to try and get out of bed for a bit ? We can just go to the couch and I can get you some food." She said.

" Yeah I'll try." I said and mustered all my energy to stand up.

She stood as well and grabbed my hand , leading me to my living room. She made sure I was all comfortable and had a show on before going into the kitchen to make me something to eat.

Once she was done she brought it to me and we sat together snuggling and watching a show when she randomly paused it and turned slightly to look into my eyes.

"For the record , I don't know what good deed I did to possibly be able to deserve you. You're the most  amazing person I've ever met and I'm incredibly lucky to have you in my life. Please don't ever leave it. Please don't ever leave me." She said and a tear fell from her eye which I in turn reached up and gently wiped away for her.

" I'm not going anywhere. You're here for me and I'm going to make sure I'm here for you whenever you need me. I love you." I said.

" I love you too." She said and she kissed me before we got back to our show.

(I've been dealing with this lately and thought it'd help to write about, so this is what I did. You guys let me know if you have other topics you want more of ! Hope you are well and please reach out if you feel this way! Talk to family , friends , or even comment on this if you need someone ❤️

Suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255
Crisis text line- Text HOME , to 741741)