Depression/ anxiety one shots

Walls (tw sh⚠️)

I got home after yoga in the morning and my girlfriend Nichelle was just standing in the kitchen with her pocketknife, in the middle of slicing across her stomach.

" Oh shit." She said and dropped the knife once she saw me and quickly let her baggy shirt back down.

"Baby, what are you doing?" I asked sad and confused.

" Nothing babe, it's all good. I'm gonna go get some groceries, need anything?" She asked as she snaked her keys off the counter and headed for the door, walking right past my awe struck face.

" Stop." I said holding my ground and so she turned to look back at me. " Put your keys down and let me look at what happened."

" Since when did you tell me what to do?" She asked rhetorically and very clearly agitated.

" Please love. Just come sit down." I said and pulled out a chair.

She begrudgingly sat and so did I so I could make proper eye contact with her.

" I know you don't want to talk about this. You want to run because you think I'm going to think that you're weak huh?" I asked.

" So what, I am. I'm so disgusted with myself Mabel, I'm sorry." She said emotionless.

" You don't need to be disgusted with yourself baby, this is something so many people deal with. I'm just sorry I wasn't noticing how you were hurting." I said.

" I'm fine really. I won't do it again okay, end of discussion." She said and tried to get up but I put my hand over her lap to stop her from moving.

" You have this really thick wall up right now love, care to tell me why?" I asked softly.

" Because this isn't an issue and I don't need to be taken care of or anything. I take care of you, not the other way around baby. Please just let it be that way." She explained.

" If you were just in a bad mood I would respect you wanting to deal on your own, but this Nichelle, you cutting yourself, I can't that leave alone. Please just lift your shirt and let me have a look, I'm not judging you darling, I just need to make sure you're okay." I told her.

" Fine." She said looking defeated as she lifted her shirt up for me.

I got out of my chair and bent down next to her to get a closer look. The cuts were still bleeding.

" I need a paper towel, don't move." I said as I got up and grabbed a few from the kitchen before rushing back to her and putting pressure on her stomach.

" Fuck." She said under her breath as I pressed down.

" I know, I'm sorry baby." I said. " Just a bit more."

I held the paper towels for another minute or so before the bleeding stopped. Luckily the cuts weren't all that deep.

I then wet another paper towel and cleaned all the dried blood from her stomach before going to get Neosporin and bandages from the bathroom.

When I got back she had stood up and was again going for the door.

" Baby, sit back down okay?" I said and she turned to face me again, this time with a broken look in her eyes.

" If I stay right now I don't think I'll be able to stay strong in front of you, and I'd hate that." She told me.

" I know you'd hate that, but I don't care about any of that baby. Yell, cry, sit there silently, whatever you need to do I don't care, just let me help you." I said glancing at the chair to let her know I wanted her to sit down.

" I'm going to regret this." She said and sat back down, lifting her shirt once again to let me bandage her up.

As I placed the final bandage I looked up at her and silent tears were streaming down her cheeks.

I reached up my hands and wiped her eyes before holding her face and kissing her softly.

" It's all going to be alright my love." I said. " Let yourself be taken care of. Let me take care of you. It's okay."

She leaned forward and rested her forehead on mine for a bit before pulling away.

" Okay." She said. " I've been feeling really off lately, like not sad or angry or anything really, I can't place it, and I just wanted it to go away."

" I can understand that. I'm sorry you're going through that." I said reaching out to hold her hands. " I'm here, come to me when it gets bad."

" It just feels wrong. I'm supposed to keep you safe and be your rock, and right now I feel more like a burden to you." Nichelle said sadly.

" We are supposed to keep each other safe love, and right now I need to step up to do that for you. You aren't a burden. If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be. I love you, all of you and I'm here for all your hardships , even this horrible pain you don't know how to deal with, I'm here." I assured her.

" I love you too." She said as another tear slowly fell from her eye.

" Now can I hold you? I know you're hesitant so I understand if you don't want that, but I just wanted to offer." I asked.

" Okay." She said nodding, so her and I went to the bed and I held her in my arms until she fell asleep.