Depression/ anxiety one shots

Psychic (tw sh⚠️)

I awoke to the obnoxious sound of my phone ringing and so I felt around for it in my bed with my eyes still shut trying to savor the last seconds of sleep I was getting.

When I found it I brought it up to my face and opened my eyes to see who it was.

My older brother was calling which surprised me because he never called me, like ever, so I was kind of worried.

I picked up and said " Hello", extremely sleepily.

" Harmony? That you?" He asked confused.

" Yes? Who else would it be? What's wrong Sterling?" I asked trying to stay calm but internally was thinking something bad happened to our parents or grandparents.

" Oh nothing, I don't know. It's stupid really, I just was at the fair with my girlfriend and she dragged me in to see this psychic. I thought it was bullshit until the lady told me to check in with someone who's life may not be very harmonious at the moment. Maybe it's just a coincidence but even Kellie thought I should call you, so here I am. How are you doing?" He asked after his rambled explanation.

" You saw a psychic?" I said trying to hold back my laughter but failing. " You, Sterling Turner, saw a psychic? The man who doesn't even believe in karma?"

" Oh shut up, Kellie's super into that stuff okay, not me, but for real, you didn't answer my question, so how are you?" He asked once again.

" I'm fine." I said, my laughter dissipating.

" Just fine? Talk to me sis, we haven't talked in months, catch me up." He insisted.

" If it's okay I'd really rather just go back to sleep." I explained.

" Sleep? Harmony it's 4pm, were you sleeping when I called?" He asked suspiciously.

" Yeah, so what? I'm off work today and tomorrow. Why can't I sleep?" I questioned.

" Because it's the middle of the day? Were you taking a nap or have you been sleeping all day long?" He asked, digging for more information.

" I've been sleeping all day okay, but really that's not a big deal. I'm just catching up on some sleep that's all." I answered honestly.

" Even if that was true, needing the whole day to catch up on sleep makes me think you aren't sleeping the rest of the time. I don't know what's going on with you but something is. If you don't want to talk to me on the phone that's fine, I'll just come over." He said getting more intense.

" No Sterling, really I'm fine. Just tired. I'll talk to you later okay? Alright love you bye." I said and hung up, afraid of what he might say next.

He was right after all, something was going on with me. I had been in a fairly bad depressive episode that stemmed from being demoted at work for a mistake I made on accident with losing some files. It seems dumb but it really affected me and it only got worse from there.

One night I was cooking something and a drop of hot oil splashed out of the pan and hit my arm. I was taken aback at first but then I realized that for a split second I wasn't thinking about how much of a failure I was, I was thinking about the pain and I wanted more.

That same night I took out a lighter and used it to replicate that same sensation the hot oil had brought me and I felt relief. Short lived relief, but relief nonetheless.

It had been two months since that night, and I'd burned myself pretty much every day after that.

I decided to go back to sleep and put my phone on mute this time. I awoke again a couple hours later to a banging at my door and multiple messages and missed calls on my phone.