Depression/ anxiety one shots

Roomates but more tw sh ⚠️⚠️⚠️

So my friend Penny and I had just moved in together. She was always struggling and once she finally stopped I started. I was always there when she fell, and she fell a lot. This is what happend when I fell...

" Tumarah." Penny called out to me angrily. " What the fuck is wrong with you! You've been acting all moody all night."

"You don't wanna know. I am fine, just leave it alone." I said.

" Stop being such a bitch and just tell me already. You're starting to piss me off." She said and my heart felt like it was being punched directly.

"FINE!" I yelled. " YOU WANT TO KNOW SO BAD SO I WILL JUST FUCKING TELL YOU. I HAVE A SELF HARM ADDICTION AND I'M CLEAN RIGHT NOW BUT I DO NOT WANNA BE!"

She backed off and looked at my pitifully for a second before flashing on her look of rudeness back on me. " Are you kidding me right now. You know I'm just recently healed and I cannot deal with you right now. I need you to be less of a problem." She said rolling her eyes at me annoyed at me.

I shut my mouth the rest of the night. When she went to bed I crept into the kitchen and swiped a knife and headed to my room. I had made her feel worse. "I'm a terrible person." I said softly to myself and took the knife to my thighs and then to my forearm.

The next day Penny pretended that nothing had happened between us and asked for a ride to class, which, I of course, gave her.

I decided to skip my classes and just go back to our apartment. I cried, one, because I was still feeling guilty for upsetting Penny, and two, because my relationship with my girlfriend was getting abusive and I had to cope.

I went back to my bathroom and cut myself up more, a lot more. Before it was just my upper thighs and singular for arm, but now it's both thighs until mid thigh, both for arms, and a shoulder. 

As I finished cleaning myself up I got a text from Penny saying she'd be home late from class and asked if I could have door dash at the apartment by the time she got home. I did it. I felt like I owed her.

I continued to cut myself more and more until nearly every part of my body had cuts or scars on it, basically just my face didn't. My girlfriend said I was too ugly to look at and broke up with me after angrily punching me for hurting myself in the first place.

Several months later and I've had to stitch myself up twice. I couldn't let Penny find out and mess up her progress. She's been going to therapy more and she had actually apologized for her behavior towards me and said I could always talk to her. I thought it was one of those empty gestures though so I didn't say a thing.

Anyway,

About a week later Penny was speaking to me but I was zoning out.

" Are you good?" She asked loudly and I snapped out of it.

" Ob sorry." I said. " What's up?

" Oh I'm supposed to analyze veins to match certain fabric shades to. Its for my design class and I was wondering if I could match yours?" She asked.

" Uh no thanks, sorry Penny." I said and went to go to my room.

" Really Tumarah?" She said annoyed. " Can I just see your arm." She said and grabbed my arm making me panic.

I yanked my arm out of her grasp before she could roll my sleeve up and she was now pissed off.

" Seriously, what's wrong with you this time?" She asked more concerned than angry.

" Nothing." I said and went in my room and shut the door but before it could close, Penny began pushing against me causing the door to open more.

I tried to fight her, but she was stronger, and she came into my room and cornered me behind the doors.

" Tumarah. It's either you roll up your sleeves, or I do it." Penny said it a soft but controlling tone.

I lifted up my sleeves and she saw the mixture of fresh cuts, healing cuts, and scars. So many scars.

She audibly gasped and instantly started weeping. " Oh my god. I'm so sorry Tumarah, I should've listened to you when you tried to tell me you needed help. I'm so sorry." Penny said tears flowing from her cheeks.

I stoically lifted up my hands and wiped the tears off her cheeks with my thumbs.

" It's okay Penny." I said trying to soothe her.

" No, no, no." Penny said forcing herself to stop crying. " I will not be making this about me. Please let me help you Tumarah." She asked grabbing my arms gently and rubbing over my scars lightly.

" Okay." I said as I got lost in feeling cared for.

" Hey hunny. I need you to talk to me okay." She said and I nodded as she continued rubbing over the scars on my forearms.

" Are there more?" She asked.

" Yes." I said embarrassed and scared for how she'd react.

She took a deep breath and asked, " Where?"

" Everywhere, basically." I said and I could sense her panic start to grow.

" Can I see?" She asked nervously. She had never self harmed as far as I knew, and I think I was the first person she knew who did it, so I was worried about her reaction but I nodded anyway.

I took off my jacket exposing my upper arms and neck, as I was in a tank top. Her eyes widened. I took off my pants and she covered her mouth with her hand. When I took off my shirt and she saw my stomach I could tell she was holding back tears.

" Uh there's more, but I don't know if you want to see them." I said.

" How oh my god?" She gasped.

" Under my bra." I said.

" Oh god Tumarah. Yes, if you're comfortable with it, please show me." Penny said.

I unclasped my bra and she saw the scars that littered my chest.

I stood there, empty, basically naked as Penny was fighting back tears at the sight of me.

" I should've noticed. I let you down and you didn't deserve this. Please let me get you all cleaned up from these recent ones." She said pointing at my stomach end thighs. " And then I'm gonna be here for you okay."

I let her clean up the most recent cuts I made and then bandage me. She helped me to our couch and sat by me, but not super close.

" Are you okay?" She asked. " The truth. I can handle it."

" Okay. No. I'm very not okay.  But I can't even tell you why anymore. I just am addicted to the only happy parts of my days and I don't think I can stop doing it, even if I wanted to." I said in a monotone voice.

" Can I go put my clothes back on now?" I asked.

" No. You're nowhere alone right now. You can have a blanket." She said and grabbed me one to wear.

She turned a show on and I sat staring blankly almost through the tv.

" Do you trust me?" She asked.

" Yes." I said coming out of my space.

" Lay down on your side and put your head in my lap." She said.

I did what she said to do and felt her soft hand brush my hair out from under me and started to give me a head massage and play with my hair.

" You aren't alone anymore." She said and I drifted off to sleep in her lap a few minutes later.