Depression/ anxiety one shots

Broke ( tw sh⚠️)

"Hey Sammy, can you come in here a sec."  My girlfriend Amelie asked from the living room of her apartment as I was in her bathroom doing my hair.

" Yeah sure what's up?" I asked as I came into the living room and sat down next to her on the couch.

" I've been trying to talk about this with you for awhile now but I couldn't figure out how, so I'm just gonna go for it." She said and I could tell how anxious she was.

" You can tell me anything baby, say what you need to say." I said encouragingly.

" I want to break up." She said sadly.

I was taken aback because it seemed like everything was going great, but I just sat there waiting for her to continue with a stoic look on my face.

" I'm really sorry Sammy, it's just that I feel like I've fallen out of love with you and it isn't fair to me or to you to continue being together." She said, picking at the nail beds on her fingers. " I feel awful about this and about hurting you, I'm so sorry."

" It's okay. I understand. Don't feel bad." I responded calmly.

" Okay you're scaring me. Why aren't you mad, please just be mad at me, yell at me." She pleaded and began to cry.

" Because I could never be mad at someone I love. Just because you don't love me anymore doesn't mean I don't still love you. I want you to be happy Amelie, more than anything in the world, so if this will make you happy then I'm okay." I said shoving any emotion I had down as hard as I could.

She continued sobbing so I pulled her in and let her cry on my shoulder as I soothed her.

" You're amazing, and I hope you find happiness too, I really do." Amelie said as her tears subsided.

" Well I suppose I should go. Let me just grab my bag and I'll be out of your hair. If you find anything of mine you can keep it, do whatever you want with it okay? And text me if you need anything, I'm here." I told her and grabbed my stuff before heading to the door.

She hugged me before I left and promised if she found something of mine she'd keep it in a drawer for me in case I changed my mind.

I thanked her and walked back to my car before driving back to my apartment.

I set my bag down once inside and then went straight to my room. I took my jeans off and put on my sleep mask to block out the light, before climbing into my bed and going to sleep.

I woke up a few hours later and after checking the time I went instantly back to sleep. I didn't want to think, I just wanted to sleep.

I slept throughout the day and throughout that night. The next morning when I woke up everything hit me pretty hard.

What hurt the most wasn't that she broke up with me. It's that she fell out of love with me. I replayed scenario after scenario in my head, trying to figure out the exact moment she'd stopped loving me, and I tried to deduce what I had done to make it happen. 

Over the next few days I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper. I had called out sick with the flu from work. I slept as much as I could and when I wasn't sleeping I was just laying there thinking about what was wrong with me. I hadn't eaten since the morning she dumped me, but I sure was drinking.

When I was able to get myself out of bed I'd go to the fridge and get a beer or a glass or wine to help ease my pain, but it never really did.

A week later and I was still in a deep depression. I'd actually quit my job because they needed a doctors proof I couldn't come in, and I didn't have that. I was a big saver, so I new I'd be fine being unemployed for a couple months if it came to that.

I ran out of alcohol and didn't bother trying to get more because I found it useless anyway. Instead I did something I vowed I would never do again, I cut myself.

I was years clean and it was all gone in a second. I instantly regretted my decision but I didn't care, I kept going because it gave me that momentary release that I felt I needed.

I didn't cry though, not once. I tried but I just didn't have it it me.

After nearly another week of sleeping and self harming multiple times a day, I realized if I didn't ask for help in the moment, that I never would.

I called up a close friend of mine who also happened to be an ex of mine. We were never serious though, just a silly high school fling that barely lasted a month.

As the phone rang I tried to figure out what I would say, but I didn't have enough time to come to a conclusion so I just decided to wing it.

" Hey." I said as Brielle picked up.

" Hey Sammy, what's up?" She asked casually.

" I hate to do this, but are you free at all soon? I think I really need help." I said as the anxiety built up slowly in my chest.

" Yeah, yeah I'm free right now. What's wrong? What kind of help do you need?" She responded with a sense of urgency.

" I'm just in a pretty low place." I answered.

" Okay, well I'll leave right now. I'll be there in a couple hours okay. Don't do anything bad please."Brielle told me.

" Okay." I said. " I won't."

She made me promise and then graciously thanked me when I obliged. I decided to kill the next two hours by sleeping so I did just that.

I awoke to Brielle calling and a knocking at my door.

" Hey hun." She said solemnly as I opened the door looking an absolute mess.

My hair was a mess, I was in the same pajamas I'd been in for days, and I was fifteen pounds skinnier than the last time she'd seen me.

" Hey." I said back and let her inside.

" So tell me what's been going on Sammy, sit with me yeah?" She suggested as she sat down on my couch.

I sat and after weeks of no tears, I began to cry as I explained everything. " Amelie broke up with me and told me it was because she stopped loving me and I just fell into a really bad depressive episode. I, I relapsed Brielle, and I haven't stopped since."

" How long has it been?" Brielle asked concerned.

" It's been a couple weeks since she broke up with me, and it's been a week since I relapsed. I tried to refrain, I tried sleeping, even tried alcohol but nothing helped. I quit my job. I just know this is a problem and as much as I hate burdening you, I need help." I answered as I tried to stop the tears from coming out of my eyes without an ounce of luck.

" Oh sweetie. You could've called me a lot sooner. I got you now though, I'll help you." She cooed.

She held me as I cried and I layed on her lap for what felt like hours before I sat up.

" What now?" I asked feeling helpless.

" You're gonna show me where you've been self harming and I'm gonna make sure you're not in any physical danger, I'll clean you up and wash your sheets to get you on a clean slate, and then we're gonna find you a therapist." She dictated. " I'm staying a few days."

" Thank you." I said softly.

She nodded and said, " You're welcome hun, now show me where you've been hurting yourself so I can help you."