Depression/ anxiety one shots

Straight forward (sh tw ⚠️)

"Baby, I'm worried about you." I randomly blurted out while me and my girlfriend were eating dinner.

"What?" She said. Not that she didn't hear me , it was just really weird timing.

" I'm, I'm worried that you're doing something harmful to yourself Alana. Is that true?" I asked softly.

She put down her fork and got up from the table , running down the hall and into the bathroom, locking herself in there. I chased after to and knocked on the door.

" Baby?" I said. " Please come out of there , you don't have to be scared love. I just want to talk."

" I can't." She said and I could hear she started crying.

" Why not honey ?" I asked gently.

" Because, because you'll hate me and be so mad at me and I can't take that, I just can't do it." She said.

" Baby, I am not going to be mad and I will not hate you. I promise." I said .

No answer.

We had only been dating a couple months so I hadn't told her this yet, but she needed to know. I needed for her to trust me that I could never be mad at her for this.

" Alana." I spoke as I slid down the wall,  facing the door . " I'm 6 months clean of self harm. I know you haven't noticed my scars yet , they are precisely hidden, but I thought now was the time to tell you. When I noticed this past week that you only wore long sleeves , even on the hot days, and that we haven't had any spicy time , I knew what was happening, because that was me at one point."

The door opened. Alana didn't say anything, but she walked up to me and pulled me up from the floor and into her arms.

She began to cry again and so I moved her head into my neck and rubbed circles on her back.

" It's okay love. I promise, it's gonna all be okay." I said. " Would you like to tell me what's been happening?"

" Okay." She said meekly, so I took her hand and lead her to the couch .

" So what's going on baby?" I asked while pulling her hands into my lap and holding them.

" Uh , my parents are getting a divorce, I'm , I'm probably going to lose my job because my depression is making it hard to show up to work , and I, I'm constantly worried I'm letting everyone down, so , for the past week , I've been coping by self harming. I'm sorry Mella ( may + uh) ." She said tears streaming down her face.

" That's a lot babe. I'm so sorry about all of that. I'd like to dive deeper into the root problems that caused your self harm and we can work to find solutions and or better ways to cope, but my first priority has to be making sure you are physically okay. Did you just self harm on your arm , and how did you do this?" I asked wanting to be sympathetic but very worried about her physical well-being.

" No." she said and looked down crying.

" Hey, hey , it's okay baby. I'm not mad at you, I just need to know." I said tilting her face back up to meet my eyes.

" I used a pocket knife." She said quietly.

" Okay , thank you for telling me. I appreciate the trust you are giving me right now, so much. Was it at all rusty?" I asked .

" No, it's new. I bought it last week." She said.

" Good , very happy it's not rusted. That would be bad. I have a big ask of you baby. Can I please see your self harm? I gotta make sure there's no infections." I said rubbing her shoulder.

She froze and then started breathing heavy as more and more tears spewed from her eyes. She was having a panic attack.

" Shh, it's alright baby." I said as I pulled her into me and held her tight. This usually helps her. " You got this, just breathe through it. I'm here love."

" Umh , uh, thank, huh , you." She said between breaths.

When she calmed down I got up and got her some water and offered a suggestion.

" Would it help you feel more comfortable showing me if you saw my scars? " I said nervous because I worked very hard to hide them and nobody has really seen them before.

" Maybe." She said . " But if it makes you uncomfortable, then don't."

I took off my shirt and turned around. I knew she needed this. She saw the scars that littered places along my shoulders and back and reached out her hand.

" Can I ?" She asked and I nodded.

She ran her fingers across every scar before turning my face toward hers and kissing me.

" I'm so fucking proud of you." She said in a change of attitude. " I know this probably wasn't how you wanted to tell me , if you ever wanted to, but I'm glad I know now because I have another thing to add to my list of why I love you so much. You're so strong and powerful to be able to have been clean for so long. You're amazing."

" Thank you." I blushed. She wasn't usually like this , but I loved it.

" I'll show you." She said and stripped out of her top and jeans.

She held out her arm for me and I took it. It looked bad, but not infected.

"You clean them afterwards?" I asked and she nodded. " Good." I said before looking at the cuts some more.

" Can I bandage this for you?" I asked to which she once again nodded.

I went and got supplies , and I added Neosporin to her cuts before wrapping it up with gauze wrap.

" You said there was more?" I questioned.

" Yeah. My thigh." She said and I looked down.

It also didn't look infected which I was grateful for. I took care of the cuts there too, before pulling her back into a cuddle position.

" I love you baby, so much. This can't happen again though okay. I won't be mad if you slip up, but I'm going to do my best to be here so you don't. I know it's so fucking hard , but I got you baby, you can lay all your problems on me instead of your skin. We can talk them out. I know you're skeptical, but trust me , it helps, it really does." I said and she smiled.

" Mella." She said. " I love you so much. I'm going to try my best to stop and to talk to you when I feel like coping that way."

" I'm glad." I said and we were up on the couch until like 4 am talking.

(What do y'all think of this? I'm not a fan. My style seems weird and I don't think I like it. )