Depression/ anxiety one shots

We got this tw sh ⚠️

My girlfriend and I have this rule. We are both self harm addicts and so we created the rule that we do random body checks of each other to keep us accountable. Of course, it doesn't always work and it's not always random. Sometimes the incentive is better than the risk but then guilt approaches.

"Anessa", I said to get her attention as we were watching a show.

" What's up ?" She said and paused the show.

"Body check." I said guilty sounding and she knew I was coming clean.

"Sweatshirts off" She said and we each took our sweatshirts off.

" Sienna. When did you relapse ?" Anessa asked me when she saw the cuts on my forearm.

" Last night." I said.

" It's alright baby, thank you for telling me. I'm here for you." She said.

" Thank you." I said and then continued our process by saying, "Shirts off." We each took our shirts off and then I saw them. There were new cuts littered on her stomach. She had been clean almost a year whereas I only broke a month.

I gasped. " Oh love, what happened?" I asked.

" I just feel empty." She said looking down disappointed in herself.

" Well I got you, okay love. I'll clean you up and we will figure out how to get you back to good." I said.

" Baby. Your arm." She said pointing as one of the cuts re opened and was starting to bleed again.

" Oh, it's okay. I'll clean it up once you're resting." I said.

" No ma'am. We've always cleaned each other up after and that doesn't change now. I will take care of you baby." Anessa said.

" Okay." I said softly.

She bandaged my arm and then I bandaged her stomach before kissing up her sides where she has scars. She took my non- bandaged arm and kissed the scars up it. I kissed her and she kissed back but stopped it to talk.

" Baby, you know we have to have this conversation. Why did this relapse happen?" She asked.

" I was just so sad and uninterested in everything and everyone and I felt bad about it because I thought I was making you feel bad." I said.

" Okay. I want you to know I don't feel like you've been less interested in me lately or anything like that and I'm not upset with you." She said.

" Thank you love. I'll try to talk to you about how I'm feeling next time. I'm sorry, I know I should've just talked to you." I said.

" It's alright, I should've talked to you too, but I'll talk to you about it now." She said and paused nervously before saying, " I'm suicidal Sienna. I know that's not something you want to hear but you need to know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I just thought that I could relapse and that would help me feel better and then I could heal up before you'd ever find out, and I know that's bad and stupid and I'm sorry." She said and she started to cry.

I pulled her into my arms and held her head against my chest as I tried to soothe her sobs.

" It's okay love, let it out, I got you. You and me, we're in this together and you didn't let me down by relapsing and you definitely don't have to apologize for being suicidal. It scares me of course, but that's because I love you so much. You're my world Anessa and I'll do everything I can to make you feel better and to feel happier."

" Thank you. I love you too." She said still crying as I rubbed her back.

" What can I do to help you right now in this moment?" I asked.

" Can we move to the bed and you just hold me there? Being in your arms makes me feel safe from those thoughts." She said.

" Of course baby." I said helping her up and moving to the bed like she asked.

I put on one of her comfort movies and she cried a little more before eventually falling asleep in my arms.

I kissed her head and whispered, " I'll always keep you safe."