Depression/ anxiety one shots

Combined was too much (tw suicide attempt⚠️)

*Calling this one 18+ as it deals with extra mature topics!

" Skyscraper. Skyscraper." She whimpered out our safe word.

I immediately stopped everything I was doing. " I'm so sorry love, are you alright?"

" I'm fine." She said but began crying.

" Oh love I know you aren't fine. Can I hold you?" I asked as I moved back up to the top of the bed but she flinched as I got closer to her.

" Not right now." She said. " Can I just have some space actually?"

" Yeah, yeah of course I'm sorry." I said and got off the bed and left the room, closing the door behind me.

I smacked my forehead with my hand a couple times as I entered the living room muttering the words " I'm an idiot" under my breath.

I felt really shitty, especially knowing how shitty I'd made Bonnie feel. I must've not of realized how rough I was going with her but still, I'd hurt her, and I felt bad.

I decided to get her a nice cold glass of water and I heated some of her favorite dino shaped chicken nuggets for her.

When they were done I knocked on the door.

" Yes?" She asked. " I still need space, could you give me that the rest of the night?"

" Sure love, I just made you some chicken nuggets and got you some water, can I bring them in for you real quick and then I'll leave?"

" Just leave them by the door pretty please. I'm not mad, I just need some time alone. Text me when you get home safe okay?" She said.

" Okay love. Have a good night, I love you." I said as I set the plate and glass down and left out the door in just my sports bra and shorts on because I'd left my top in the room.

I got in my car and drove home silently with just the sound of her cries replaying in my ears.

When I got home I texted her "home❤️❤️❤️" and she liked it. It showed she was typing something but then it stopped and the bubble went away.

I took off my shoes and instantly went to my room to lay on the bed but once I got there I couldn't get on it. I just kept staring at it knowing Bonnie was in her bed hurt and I knew I couldn't sleep there that night, so I went back out to the living room.

I plopped on my couch and it still felt wrong, me being able to sleep comfortably while I had made her uncomfortable, so instead I decided to lay on the rug.

As I tried to sleep I just felt so sick with myself, and feeling sick with myself made me feel even sicker because if I was feeling such self pity when I should've been thinking about how to not hurt her again, I had no position being dominant with her.

I layed there until I saw the sun rise, and then I got up having not slept, to take a shower. Afterwards I went back to the living room and sat on the couch. I made some tea to try and feel better and I sipped it while listening to the birds chirping outside as my head pounded from the lack of sleep.

An hour or so later I knew Bonnie would be awake so I called her.

" Good morning love, I just wanted to say I'm sorry again for last night. I won't ever be that rough with you again I promise. Are you okay?" I asked.

" I'm fine, for real this time. I just needed some time but we are still on for dinner tonight, pick me up at 8:30?" She suggested.

" Sounds perfect love, I'll see you then." I told her and heard her hang up.