Depression/ anxiety one shots

Love and Loss ⚠️tw sh

*Sorta a different style, not sure how I feel about it, don't think I'll do it again unless y'all want me too*

       

          Love and loss are the epitome of every great love story, sometimes where one loves and loses, others where one person takes on the role of love whereas the other takes on loss's role. It left zero wonder as to why the two l's, Louisa and Liliane hurt each other in the last chapter of their story before finally making up.

       Louisa was loss. She had been loss since her very first relationship with her high school girlfriend who sadly died of suicide her and Louisa's senior year. Every relationship after that Louisa never could love the same as she had used to, and she was always the partner who had more baggage and who was never totally mentally well. That made her the perfect match for Liliane at the time because Liliane had never been in a relationship and desperately wanted to be love. She wanted to shower someone with attention, gifts, and cuddles, and she wanted someone to need her. Liliane had what one might call "mommy issues", where she wanted to be there for someone in the way she never had been supported by her mother and Louisa needed someone to get her mind off the pain she had inside.

        At first things were running smoothly and both women were content in the relationship. Louisa got to be held and Liliane got to hold her and care for her. They were both getting what they wanted from it until after Liliane asked it to be an exclusive relationship. Louisa reluctantly said yes and so they became girlfriends. What Liliane didn't know though was that soon into the agreed upon relationship Louisa was struggling more than she ever had been. She had become a secret alcoholic, drinking before every encounter with Liliane because she truly did love her and didn't want her to sense that she wasn't doing well because she didn't want to burden her.
Eventually months later, Liliane found out about Louisa's alcoholism and in prophecy of Louisa's fears, it did burden her. She didn't want it to, but it just did. She'd help Louisa stay sober for a few days to a week, and then she'd drink again, and it was tiring Liliane out. Liliane eventually got up the courage to tell Louisa and that's where everything really blew up.

        When Louisa finished hearing all that Liliane had to say she fell to the ground in shame and sobbed with her face in her hands. As Liliane saw Louisa drop to her knees, she tried to crouch down to comfort her but Louisa shoo'd her away with her arm. Liliane dodged the arm and went back in again for a hug which caught Louisa off guard, so she succeeded in holding her. "Louisa I need you around, I love you" Liliane said to her. "Please, please stop drinking and tell me everything that's wrong."

      "Lili, I'm drinking because I feel guilty for self-harming, which I do because I'm just always so empty and I wanna feel real sometimes. I'm horribly sorry." Louisa said in explanation.

" You hurt yourself?" Lilian's asked shocked.

" Yes, I'm really sorry." Louisa said.

"Could you stop right now?" Liliane asked.

"Stop what? "Louisa asked.

"Stop drinking and self-harming." Liliane answered.

"Like quit them right now you mean?" Louisa asked worried.

"Yes, like are you an addict Louisa? Can you quit right this second because I asked you to." Liliane said in a statement-like question.

"Uh I don't know, maybe." Louisa said trying to be realistic.

"That's not good enough for me. I will make arrangements to have you treated in an inpatient facility. I love you, but you need help, help I don't know how to give. I promise I will work on learning how to better be there for you, but you have to have help now, it can't wait." Liliane said.

        While of course Louisa was a grown adult, as was Liliane, Louisa knew not to go against Liliane's decisions, so she just nodded. She would do what Liliane had decided for her. She knew she really did need help and deep down appreciated Liliane for it.

       After several weeks of treatment at the mental hospital Louisa finally came home, but she didn't come home the same. Liliane found this out the hard way when she went to hug her girlfriend outside of her car when she went to pick her up. She put her arm up to put it around Louisa, and Louisa flinched, almost without realizing she did it. It was almost unnoticeable though and she pulled her in for a long, tight hug.

      Once back at their house Louisa brought her bag in and held the door for Liliane. She also started a load of laundry and started to cook dinner which were all things that were usually hard to make herself do. The pair ate, and Liliane questioned Louisa all about the hospital, but she deflected effortlessly every time, turning the conversation back on Liliane.

      The next morning, Louisa had a class to go to, so she woke up earlier than the girls usually did and took a long shower to be alone with her thoughts and her tears. She was silently sobbing in the shower.
A couple minutes later Liliane woke up, likely due to the shower noise as she was a light sleeper, but she got up and went to go say good morning to Louisa. She entered the bathroom right as Louisa who was still trying to silently sob, had gotten out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel.

"Baby, why are you crying?" Liliane asked her face saddening as she saw Louisa's tears.

"I'm not, it's the water from the shower, it just got in my eyes." Louisa lied and Liliane knew she
did.

"Sweetie, I know I wasn't exactly a trustworthy person to come to before, just shipping you off, I feel bad about that, but please just tell me the truth now. I may not be perfect, but I'm better equipped to help you now, so what's going on love?" Liliane asked.

"I was hit in there, sometimes by other patients, other times by staff, but um l'm really not okay Liliane. I was put on loads of medication and was held down and sedated for simply asking if I could see a different therapist because mine was making moves on me. If I wasn't empty before, I certainly am now." Luisa said.

"Oh shit, I'm so so sorry that happened to you baby. Please never should've sent you away. I'm so sorry baby. What do you want or need from me, anything at all, I am here, and I promise to never have you sent away like that ever again." Liliane said.

"I just want to be allowed to feel like shit and look that way too. Can I just do that, can I just lay on vou and just exist for awhile?" Louisa asked.

"Absolutely you can. I love you." Liliane said and Louisa cuddled in with her on the couch and let herself fall asleep feeling safe for the first time in what felt like forever.