Depression/ anxiety one shots

I promise (tw su!c!de attempt/sh ⚠️⚠️⚠️)

*Gender neutral one. Hope this satisfies the request! And as always, please be safe friends, you deserve safety and care! *💓

I hadn't been to class in a few days. I lied to my mom and faked sick because frankly I was, just not how she thought I meant. I was sick of going through the monotonous days of nothingness. I was sick of hating myself. I was sick of life. I was sick of all of it.

So on the fourth day of my "flu", I decided I was done. My mom left for work early in the morning and I slept until around 2:00pm. Once I got up I made myself something really delicious. I whipped up a whole feast practically, eggs, bacon, French toast, the whole nine yards. I put on my favorite movie as I ate and then I got out a piece of paper and a pen.

I wrote the most heartfelt paragraph I could, trying to explain that nobody was to blame and that it was just me and how my head diseased my body. When I got to the part about my friends Esme and Luca I started to tear up a bit. I told them to lean on each other and not to beat themselves up about it because it's not like they knew. I told everyone I loved them and wrote my friends phone numbers at the bottom so my mother could contact them. I signed it with my signature and then placed it by the doorway along with the pen.

I kissed my dog's head and then let him out into the fenced yard because I didn't want him to have no way to go to the bathroom.

I then went into the bathroom. I turned loud music on my phone so I could drown out the noise in my head and then I took my knife out.

As I began to drag it against my arm I abruptly stopped as my phone rang.

I set the knife down and quickly picked my phone up. I was worried something was wrong with my mom or something.

I saw by the picture that it was Luca calling so I hit decline and set my phone back down.

As I began again I started to cry. I cried for my friends, I cried for my family, but mostly I cried for myself. I knew I had failed that once so happy little kid and I cried for them.

I did it a few more times until I heard a banging on my front door. I tried ignoring it until I heard the lock click open.

" Hey, sorry to just use your hide-a-key, but you haven't answered us and we're worried. Where are you?" I heard Esme's voice loudly speak.

I began to panic. I hid the knife. I tried to stop the bleeding but I didn't have enough hands. There was no way I would put my friends in a position to find me. I wouldn't do that to them. I couldn't do that to them.

I thought if I just could pull myself together I'd be able to get myself out of this scot-free, but then I remembered the note. My music had stopped when the call came in and I hadn't turned it back on so I could hear everything.

I heard the rustle of the paper as Luca picked it up and read it aloud to Esme. He didn't even finish it before the two of them began calling my name and running about my house trying to find me.

I was busy still trying to no avail, to stop my arms from bleeding when Luca started to bang on the bathroom door.

" Esme come quick! The door's locked. This has got to be the room they're in!" Luca said fiercely trying to get it open.

Esme came running and they both began trying everything to get it open.

I was feeling a bit lightheaded but I managed to scoot myself to the door and turn the lock. I moved away from the door as much I could and their next attempt at opening it was a successful one to both of their surprise.

Esme came in first and immediately kneeled down next to me.

" Oh hey there sweetie. You're okay, you're gonna be okay." She said crying and took over for me putting pressure on my arms.

Luca took out his phone and dialed 911. I didn't quite feel fully there but I caught pieces of the conversation while trying to listen to Esme speak to me as well.

" Yes. The address is 893 Frenchman Ave. Please come quick!" Luca yelled into the phone.

Esme saw me trying to lean in on the conversation and tried to redirect my attention.

" You don't have to worry about that. Luca's got it. Your job is staying awake, think you can do that for me?" She asked sweetly while trying to remain calm.

I nodded.

" Good, good. Now I'm gonna push down harder on these okay? Just breathe through it with me alright." She said and push down harder she did. I felt searing pain as she tried her hardest to keep me from losing too much blood and passing out.

I screamed out and I could tell she felt guilty for it. " Ready deep breath in, 1,2,3. Good, good job. Now hold it with me. Okay and now breathe out. That's so good, keep doing that with me now." She said.

Luca set the phone down and I could hear sirens.

" Help me with their other arm." Esme said and so Luca kneeled down beside her and put pressure on my left arm while Esme held down on my right.

" Just hold on a couple more minutes." Luca told me as I felt myself right on the verge of falling unconscious.

I heard Luca shout, " In here!" and then heard the rush of footsteps as the paramedics entered the bathroom.

They relieved Esme and Luca and one of them ushered the two of them out into the hall so they could have more space.

" Alright hun. Don't worry, we got you." Said a paramedic and that was it. I had stayed awake like Esme said and now I could sleep.

When I awoke in the hospital Esme and Luca were right by my side.

" Where's my mom?" I asked as I looked around and didn't see her.

" She'll be here soon don't worry. She's just stuck in a lot of traffic." Esme said reassuringly. My mom commuted an hour and a half to work each day and with the traffic it was over two.

" I'm sorry." I said realizing that I had yet to apologize.

" That note." Luca said. " I had no idea you were in that amount of pain. I'm the one who should apologize. I'm supposed to know these things about my friend."

" Me too." Esme said and got up from her seat to hug me. " We love you. You could've come to us, you know we never would've judged you. I'm just so happy you're alive."

"I love you guys too." I said.

For a moment there was silence so I looked down at my body. My arms were wrapped up and I didn't even want to know what they looked like underneath.

" You should sleep some more before your mom gets here. Want anything to eat? I can go grab you something?" Esme asked.

" Whatever is fine." I said.

" Okay I'll get you some options." She said and squeezed my hand before she left.

" She's right. You should try and sleep a bit." Luca said. " And hey, you gotta call me or Esme, someone, if you feel this way again. Promise me?" He said and I saw him holding back tears.

" I promise." I said and he looked at me skeptically so I repeated myself. " I promise."