Depression/ anxiety one shots

Patio finding (tw sh⚠️)

So there I was on my back patio at two in the morning, my back to the railing, and a knife in my grasp.

I had been so dissociative for weeks, a very empty dissociation though. It's almost like a bout of depression but stranger, more confusing, and more dull if that's even possible.

Not that it did much, only offering a short and slight distraction, but hurting myself was all I had. As I dragged it across my leg it felt like I was watching myself do it and I couldn't feel it the way I usually did, so I kept going.

Unfortunately for both me and my leg it still wasn't doing what I needed so I didn't stop, I just kept going and going until I broke down in tears, realizing I couldn't feel a thing other than the cold air.

I was about to do it again when the back door suddenly opened and I saw my roommate's horrified face.

My mind went full autopilot and so I stood up calmly and said, " I'm sorry, I'll clean everything up in the morning. Sorry if I woke you."

" Um, no, holy shit." They said too stunned to speak a full sentence.

I moved past them and started to walk back to my room but the grabbed my arm.

" Margot. Stop, just wait here, I don't know what to do or how to help so I'm gonna go get Aspen, they'll know what to do." Said my roommate Kellen.

" I'm fine Kellen." I said.

Ignoring me, Kellen went and knocked fairly loudly on our other roommate Aspens's bedroom door.

A semi-sleepy Aspen opened the door.

" What's up?" They asked confused why they'd been woken up.

" Come here, it's Margot." Kellen replied and ushered Aspen to the living room where I was awkwardly standing.

" Oh geez Margot, what happened?" Aspen said looking shocked.

I didn't answer because this situation was only making me dissociate more and more.

" I found her on the patio with a knife. Should I call 911?" Kellen asked Aspen concerned.

" No, just go into the bathroom, get me a wet cloth and the first aid kit okay." Aspen directed before stepping closer to me.

" Okay Margot, can I have you sit down for me?" They asked softly and motioned to a chair.

I didn't answer, I just sat like I was asked to.

" Margot what's going on right now?" They said as they kneeled down by me. "You seem not here, did you take something, pills?"

" No." I said because I could tell they were worried, even though they were trying to act collected and calm.

" You promise?" They asked again not fully trusting my answer.

I shook my head up and down.

" Can you give me a verbal answer Margot? I've really got to know" They asked.

" Yes I promise." I said.

" Okay good, good." They replied and then yelled for Kellen. " Kellen, did you find everything?"

" Coming." Kellen yelled back with a wet rag in one hand and the first aid kit in another.

" Great thanks." Said Aspen as they took the rag from Kellen's hand.

" Okay Margot, I'm just gonna clean off your thigh now alright? You tell me if I'm hurting you too much and if you can't verbalize anything just tap my hand." They said and started to wipe the rag over my thigh which while painful, did start to pull me out of the state I was in.

" Are you sure we shouldn't call 911? It looks pretty bad Aspen." Said Kellen standing there, still just holding the first aid kit.

" Trust me. She'll be alright. If you want to go to the hospital though I'll take you right now Margot, no problem, do you want that?" Aspen asked as they finished up with the wet cloth.

" No, I'm okay." I said back.

" Okay, in that case can you get me out the antibiotic cream, some gauze, and some tape Kellen?" Aspen asked.

" Yeah." Kellen said, obviously still worried, but did as asked.

" Thanks." Aspen said as they began to spread the ointment across my leg before wrapping the gauze around and taping it in place on all sides.

" Alright now that you're all fixed up, let's talk about this if you can." Aspen said and sat up in a chair across from me.

Kellen sat down as well and the pair waited for me to say something.

" Uh, I'm really okay guys. I just do this sometimes when I get really dissociative but it's fine, you guys do not have to worry." I said.

" So are you still dissociating?" Kellen asked wearily.

" I mean yeah, but only a little. Just the average day to day." I said.

" This is everyday?" Aspen asked trying to hide their shock.

" Well yeah, it's not always as bad as this was but it's definitely everyday." I replied.

" Okay so why do you hurt yourself during it?" Kellen asked.

" It can sometimes distract me and bring me into reality again for like a quick minute but tonight nothing I was doing was helping. I'm really sorry I dragged you both into this but I really just want to go to sleep now." I said.

" Okay do that, the sleep part, not the other part, and maybe we can talk more about this tomorrow?" Aspen asked hopeful.

" Yeah, sure." I said and thanked the both of them before going to my room to plop on my bed feeling loved but also defeated and ashamed, and it's with those emotions that I fell asleep.