Depression/ anxiety one shots

Lucky coincidence (tw sh⚠️)

A way I take out the guilt of harming myself is by going to the gym. I hate the gym, there's too many people and I feel like everyone is always staring at me. Another shitty thing about it is the leggings and long sleeve shirts because another thing I hate is being hot, it's just so uncomfortable.

Anyway early today around one in the morning I relapsed. I had two weeks prior and I felt so deeply disappointed in myself that I knew I had to make myself go to the gym once I woke up some hours later.

I got ready and ate a banana before heading to my car to go to the gym. I put on a sad playlist and cried as I drove because I felt that I had failed again.

Once at the gym I swiped my card and started off on the treadmill. I do a little 15 min jog to warm up, so I was really only on their for a little bit when this woman came up to me.

" Oh sorry what's up?" I asked as I took out my earbuds.

" I was just wondering if you'd be off that soon since all the other ones are being taken up." She asked in a tone that I couldn't tell if it was snarky or not.

" Uh yeah, I only have like another two minutes." I said.

" Okay great." The women replied and stood there literally waiting for me to finish.

I cleaned the machine for her and then went on to my next machine. I did thirty minutes on the elliptical and ten on the stairclimber when I decided to move to weights. When I grabbed a weight someone bumped into me and so my arm got scraped against the rack. I winced in pain but just picked up another weight and moved to an open area.

As I began my four sets of twelve I noticed I was feeling pretty lightheaded. I had barely had any water and so I figured I should sit down.

I went into the women's locker room and sat down on the bench when the woman from the treadmill walked in.

" Hey, I just wanted to apologize for bumping you into the weight rack. I should've said sorry right away but after the whole treadmill thing I was truly embarrassed. I'm very sorry, are you alright?" She asked.

" Yeah, I'm fine. Just need some water I think." I said and got up to sip from the water fountain when to my luck it sprayed my entire torso.

" Oh shit." I loudly said as I distanced myself from the broken thing and tried to wring out my shirt.

" Woah that thing really got you. Here you can borrow this other shirt I have, it's clean I swear." The woman said and handed me a tank top from her bag.

" Oh no I'm okay, thank you though. I'm sure I'll dry off soon enough." I replied for obvious reasons.

" No I insist." She said still trying to get me to take the shirt.

I went to refuse it again but I noticed something which in turn made her notice too. I was bleeding. The fall on the rack must've opened things again and standing made blood drip down my hands and onto the floor.

" Oh my god, you're bleeding.$" She exclaimed somewhat calm and I quickly held my wrist upwards to stop gravity from revealing any more.

" It's nothing. I'm all good." I said and went to hurry out of the locker room but she stopped me.

" Sit with me for a second kid how about it?" She suggested and gently guided me back to the bench.

" I know this is none of my business from an outsider point of view but given that I'm a therapist I couldn't just let you leave like that." She said in explanation.

I just sat and listened in silence as she continued. " I'm Maxine and I'm 43 years old, how about you?"

" I'm 21." I replied avoiding giving her my name, she was a stranger after all.

" I remember what it was like at that age. Coping was rough. Now I'm not going to force you to do anything whatsoever but I have a pretty strong inclination that the blood I saw is from self harming activity, so if you wouldn't mind I'd like you to have a look at your arm so I know if you'll need to seek medical attention." Maxine said as my face went dull.

" I'd really like to leave actually." I replied feeling uncomfortable.

" And you may, of course, but think for a second about the pain you're in. Don't you want this to stop? Aren't you tired of living this way kid? I can help you. I can get you an appointment at the place I work and you can start that road to recovery with proper help, because I can tell nobody is helping you now." She refuted almost desperately.

I sat in silence for a minute before she could tell I wasn't quite ready to decide so she pulled out her wallet and a business card from it that she handed to me.

It corroborated her story and I found her more trustworthy than before.

" I'd show you but then other people here might walk in and I don't find it fair to subject them to that." I said meaning it fully.

" Alright, how about you meet me at my office then?" I'm gonna go pay for another month here and then I'm heading right over. The address is on the card if that's what you'd like to do. I'll be there until 5:00pm just doing paperwork so you wouldn't interrupt a thing.

" Okay." I said and watched Maxine leave.

I left shortly after as well and sat in my car in the parking lot of her office for two hours before I finally got enough courage to go in.

I got up to the front desk and a man around my age who was the receptionist asked me who my appointment was with.

" Oh I actually don't have one. Uh, Maxine told me to stop by." I said realizing how unprofessional I sounded.

" I'll call and ask, one second." He said and called her office.

" Ms. Markson, someone is here for you and says they have no appointment." He said and waited for her response before saying, "Alright you're good to go, go straight to the left and it's the third door on the right."

" Thanks." I said and followed his instructions until I reached the door that said Maxine's name on it.

I knocked and she opened it up with a smile. " Glad you could make it. Come in." She said.

I listened and when she gestured towards the couch for me I sat down.

" Take your time." She said as she noticed some anxiety in my face and in my hands as I was picking at my cuticles.

" Okay. I'm ready, but I can't do it, you're going to have to. I give you permission." I said as I held my arm out for her anxiously.

" Are you sure?" Maxine asked.

" Yes." I said quickly wanting it to be over with already.

" Alright, 3, 2, 1." She counted down before carefully sliding my sleeve up to reveal scars and cuts up the entirety.

I started to cry as I saw her staring at them.

" Hey it's alright. I'm not judging you. Good news is that these don't need a hospital, just some regular cleaning up." She said and began taking things out of her cabinets.

" Are you okay with me doing this for you?" She asked.

" Yes." I replied feeling ashamed.

" Alright then." She said and got to work patching me up.

When she finished with the bandaging she slowly pulled my sleeve back down that was luckily dry finally.

" Thank you." I said.

" Would you like to make an appointment here?" She asked as I got up to leave.

" I don't know." I answered honestly.

" No problem, but you have the number on my card and this is my personal." She said and wrote it on another piece of paper for me. " Feel free to reach out if you need to."

" Thanks again." I said and left feeling a glimmer of hope.