Depression/ anxiety one shots

Guilt of not remembering tw ed sh⚠️

I woke up and instantly felt like shit. I was hungover, and I didn't remember going to sleep back in my room. Me and my fiancé Araye had gone to the bar with her friends.

I sat up and rubbed my head.

"Araye! Are you here?" I asked wondering if she'd stayed the night. We hadn't moved in together yet.

She came into the room with a straight face and yanked open the blinds causing me to throw my face under the covers in pain.

She yanked them off of me.

" What are you doing? Stop!" I yelled.

" No, do you know how much you embarrassed me last night, huh, do you!" She yelled at me.

" No?" I said confused. "I don't remember doing anything."

" Ugh. Stop pretending, there's no way you forgot puking on my bosses shoes and flirting with the bartender." She said angrily.

" I did that?" I said shocked. " Oh my god I'm so sorry if I did that.I really don't remember."

"Well here's how you can make it up to me." She said and I looked confused. "First, I want you to apologize to my boss. I already paid her for new shoes, but you better give her the best apology you've ever gave. Second, since you wanted to flirt with someone else go for it. You're single for a week, don't contact me until I come back."

I felt like crying. She'd never acted that way with me ever before but I listened.

She left and so did I. I went to Araye's boss's office to apologize to her and I did, so full of guilt and embarrassment.

I got home and she texted me. " Glad you apologized to my boss. Talk to you in a week. Bye."

I cried. I read the message over and over again and felt so guilty, guilty enough that I couldn't bring myself to eat.

As the days went on I felt worse and worse. I hadn't eaten in 3 days and I only drank water because I knew I had to.

By day 5 I felt exhausted. I just was crying and sleeping, and sleeping and crying.

Day 6 and seven were better because I knew this torture was almost over, but I still couldn't eat. I felt like puking everytime I tried to.

I expected a text but there was nothing. A day 8 happened, and a day 9, and a day 10. By day 11 I was spiraling. I figured something bad must've happened to her but I couldn't reach out because what if she'd just been testing me. I didn't leave my room.

On day 12 I cut myself. I had dropped my water glass on the floor and it broke. I went to pick the pieces up and a piece cut my arm. I realized it felt like something other than this hell I'd been living so on day 13 I did it again, on purpose. I did it so many times because each time I'd forget for a second, but it never lasted long enough.

Day 14 came and my phone dinged. " Okay you can text me now." She had texted. She had done 2 weeks when she told me 1.

" I'm so sorry for what I did and I hope that you'll eventually forgive me. It won't happen again I promise." I texted back.

" Okay. We are good then baby. Want me to come over?" She texted back.

I thought about it. I still felt horrible and that I didn't deserve to be around her. I responded back with, " I do yeah, but I actually think I came down with something over these past couple days and I really don't want to give it to you."

" Oh no, I'm so sorry baby. I don't mind though, I can come nurse you back to health with some chicken noodle soup and a movie." She texted back.

" No, I really think it's best we let this thing go through my system first. You have that project proposal soon." I answered.

She called me. I picked up with a fake cough I made sound real.

" Geez baby, yeah that sounds awful. I'll doordash you some meds okay, that tea you like?" She asked.

" Thank you." I said in a faked hoarse voice and through in some more coughing.

" Okay well I don't wanna make you talk. I'll check on you later okay?" She asked.

" Okay." I said the same way as before and hung up.

I still hadn't eaten. I felt ill. I cried until I fell asleep. When I woke up again there she was. Sitting in my chair in the corner.

" Hey baby." She said. " I moved my presentation back a week. I want to take care of you."

She moved to me and put her hand on my forehead. " Baby you're not hot, you're freezing."

" I'm fine." I said.

" I don't think that's the case love. Talk to me, what's been going on." She said.

" I've just felt kind of ill." I said not lying about it.

" Let me take a look at you, get up for me." She said encouragingly.

I, in my hoodie and sweats didn't protest. I stood up and she immediately put my arms up and took off my hoodie. She had her suspicions and she wasn't wrong. I had a tight long sleeve underneath.

" Charlotte when's the last time you ate something?" She said looking concerned but stern.

" I'm not sure exactly. Feels like days." I said.

" How many days? The truth, right now." She demanded.

" Fourteen." I said quietly hoping she wouldn't hear me.

" Fourteen! Holy shit Charlotte, I know I said not to contact me but this wouldn't been an exception. Baby your health is so important to me. Talk to me, I need to get you something to eat." She said.

" I just felt really sorry and I couldn't eat, I tried, but I couldn't do it, I'm so sorry." I said.

" Hey it's okay, you gotta eat something right now though." She said and took out a granola bar and handed it to me.

" Eat." She said and so I did.

" Good." She applauded slightly. "Now what else did you do to hurt yourself while I was away? You should've called. I wouldn't have faulted you. This is always an exception."

I knew she'd find out and this was my chance to fess up so I took off my shirt and stood in front of her with just my bra on. My arms were littered with cuts and she held her head in her hands visibly upset before speaking.

" Any more?" She asked cautiously.

I took my skirt off and she saw my thighs.

" That it?" She asked looking like she was about to break.

"Yes." I said.

" I'm gonna take some days off." She said. " You need to recover and I need to help you."

I nodded in continuing guilt.

PSA: I don't condone this toxicity. If this is you, you deserve better. Just a story.