now you see me - omc x mason mount

chapter 62 - filling in the gaps

Mason and Jake arrived back to the River's Family home in Yorkshire, shortly after the car carrying everyone else. They'd mainly chatted football on the drive over, realising they had a lot to say to each other after so long not talking.

Jane was making a round of tea for everyone, as the siblings gathered round the fire in the front room.

"Right, I'm going to have my cuppa in bed with the next chapter of my book. Good night all, Mase it was lovely to see you if I don't catch you before you leave." Jane said, popping her head into the front room.

"Thanks for the tea and the room, Jane. It was lovely to see you too." Mase replied with a smile.

"Night mum." The siblings rang in near chorus.

"How is your mum doing?" Mase asked the room.

"Honestly, all things considered, she's doing amazingly. I don't think any of us could've done the past few weeks without her. Obviously she's devastated, but she's just so adamant about what Dad wanted us to do and she's determined to see that through." Molly replied.

"It is so strange us all being back here without him here." George said. "Like, I can't remember the last time all 4 of us kids lived together for 3 weeks."

"Yeah, I do still expect him to come in the door any second." Jake added. They were all so comfortable having this conversation in front of Mase. It always felt like he was part of the furniture.

"But yeah our Jane is a trooper," Jake continued, "don't think she'll allow us to stay here with her too much longer."

"Yeah I'm going to go back to London next week. Try get some normalcy back, if that's okay with you both?" George asked his siblings.

"Absolutely, absolutely. Get back to Jess and give yourself some time to adjust down there." Molly answered. "I think I'm going to stay here for a bit longer. Dan's going to come over a bit too. Once you and Niamh go back to Manchester, Jakey." Niamh never left Marcus's after lockdown.

"Yeah, feels better that we all don't just leave mum all at once, even though she'll claim that what she wants. Plus, we are close enough to be round a bit more in these first few months." Jake said.

"Yeah, yeah. We got this team." Molly smiled at her brothers.

"We do." George smiled back. "I am off to bed though, night all. Well played tonight JJ." He hugged his brother on his way out.

"Bed calls for me too." Molly followed, rather suspiciously, leaving Mase and Jake on their own.

The pair sat across from each other, on the sofa, the log fire burning in front of them. Their eyes met, but neither spoke. Mase began to grin.

"What?" Jake laughed.

"Just missed looking into your eyes." Mase smiled.

Silence fell in the room, bar the crackling of the logs.

"I know we said we'd have a conversation a bit further down the line, but I feel like I need it now. A few weeks aren't going to give me any more clarity. A lot has changed in my life and I just need to know where I am with the bits of it can control." Jake blurted out.

"Okay, I understand that." Mase agreed. "Where do you want to start?"

"Why did you ignore me at Old Trafford in November?"

"In my head, I thought ignoring you was what was best for you. I thought if I just pretended like nothing had ever happened, that you could move on. And find someone better than me. I'd obviously had a huge wobble, and convinced myself you needed to be with someone who could properly be there for you with coming out. I didn't feel I could do that, because I couldn't come out myself."

"And what led you from that, to then being in front of me at Dad's funeral?" Jake followed up swiftly.

"Ermm, look, this answer isn't straight forward. Christmas with my family had led to them having some hard conversations with me, that I'd been avoiding. After feeling totally shit after ending things with you, I think they'd had enough of my wallowing and told me a few home truths.

That really I no one to blame for my situation than myself. Which is fairly tough to take from your own parents. But that led to me starting to get a bit of a grip of myself. Got myself into therapy. There are things that I can't control or change about myself, but I can control my actions to others. And I was selfish and hurt you, just because I was hurting. And I'm so sorry for that.

Then I got that text from your dad. And in that moment I knew I'd just fucked up so bad. It was easier to let myself bury the memories of how happy I was with you, but that text just brought everything flooding back. U21s Euros, Greece, you coming to London, me coming up north. All of it. And I just called your dad straight away.

Classic Serg, he was the one comforting me. I just told him that I thought I'd made a huge mistake. He told me we are born to make mistakes, it's how we deal with them that's important. Then we talked about my sexuality. Helped me put some perspective on it, and just to live my life. Then I asked him why he text me, why spend some of his last time on the phone to me. He said, 'the way I see it Mase, if these last moments for me can help make the coming moments for my kids great, then it makes it all worth it. Those kids are my whole world, you'll understand one day when you are a father. And I'll give everything I have til my last breath, to them." Silent tears left both of them.

"And I asked him, if he thought it was okay to go to his funeral. Which made him chuckle because he said he felt like he had made more funeral arrangements than he had made for any birthday party he'd ever had. But then he said, if I want to try salvage things with you, then yes. So that brought me to be there, in front of you."

Jake wiped his eyes and composed himself. "So that is what you want? To give things another go?"

"I love you, Jake, and I've realised that I didn't ever really stop. I just hated myself so much that any way I could hurt myself, I chose. And it kills me that meant that I took that out on you too. I'm working on myself. I'd love nothing more than to try again with us. But I fully understand if you can't right now, or if you can't get past how I treated you." Mase said, really putting his cards in the table.

"It's a lot to take in Mase." Jake let out a big breath. "But at least I can begin to understand what was going through your head at the time and what's made you want to try again.

My feelings towards you I don't think will ever change, no matter how much I wanted them to. I see that smile and I'm melting all over again. But I think what I want is different this time around. There's things I won't sacrifice again. Coming out has been a tough experience but one of the greatest feelings is liberation and I won't sacrifice that for you. I've come too far since we've been apart to let go of it."

"I get that J, I do. But what does that look like? What do you need of me?" Mason asked.

"I'm not giving you an ultimatum here, or asking you to be open about your sexuality. I mean, I'm an openly gay man and I'm not changing what we do or where we go because of you putting your hiding above our relationship. So basically not asking you to post it on Twitter or scream about it, but if I want to eat out with you, then if you can't handle that there's no point in trying this."

"I think I can handle sushi and some footsie." Mase replied with a smirk.

"Then that's a start." Jake quipped back. "This isn't suddenly back on Mount, and you are in Niamh's room tonight still. But I'm up for trying again. You know how much you mean to me."

"I'm going to prove to you how much you mean to me, how much you've always meant. And even if you decide you can't take me back, I'm always here for you J." They hugged, and a weight lifted off of Jake's shoulders. Clarity amongst the chaos of grief. Though Jake felt like he was being guided through this, and he knew who by. He smiled and they both finally made their way up to bed.