TMD: Preferences|Imagines|Oneshots

courage (c.c.) (requested)

(A/N: This oneshot was requested by sunshineonthestreet. Thanks so much for the request! I hope you like it! Sorry it took me so long! This oneshot deals with the topic of an eating disorder so please read with discretion! The song title I used is the song of the same name by Superchick. Now, on with the oneshot!)

‼️DISCLAIMER: This oneshot is rated PG-13 for mentions of an eating disorder. If this subject makes you uncomfortable, please don't force yourself to read! ‼️

The treadmill I was using let out a 'beep' as it went into cool down mode. I quickly jumped off and ran to the scale. Not liking what I saw, I got back on the treadmill to start another run. These days, I never liked what the scale said. No matter what the number was, it was always too high for me. My stomach growled as I ran but I ignored it like I had done for the past few weeks. I don't know exactly how it started. All I knew was I wanted to look perfect and if that meant skipping meals and exercising until I was exhausted, so be it.

I heard the door to the work out room open but kept my eyes facing forward. I had a feeling who it was but I didn't want to deal with him right now.

"You're doing it again, aren't you?" Charlie asked, sounding on edge.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just trying to up my endurance for future games." I replied, panting slightly. I still didn't look at him, knowing if I did I'd fall apart.

"Y/N, that's bullshit and you know it." He said back, somewhat desperately.

I didn't say anything in reply as I continued to run on the treadmill. I didn't want to have this conversation. Not with him, not with anyone. The treadmill let out that same 'beep' it had already done 5 times in the last few hours, signaling another cool down.

'Perfect timing.' I thought to myself, sarcastically. I forced myself to do the cool down before hopping off the machine and grabbing my water. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Charlie come up to me but I refused to meet his eyes.

"I talked to your mom. She told me it was nice that we'd been having breakfast together for the past few weeks. I didn't know what to say so I told her that I was enjoying spending the extra time with you." He said.

"Well, we have been having breakfast together these past few weeks-"

"No, I've been having breakfast while you've been telling me you already ate at home! And even when you do eat, you take two bites and then push your food around your plate to make it look like you've eaten more. You're exercising until you can barely walk. You're getting those headaches again and you're shivering all the time. What's going on, Y/N? Why are you doing this again?" Charlie said, raising his voice.

I finally looked at him. There was a look of pain and confusion on his face that I knew I'd put there. I ducked my head and walked around him back to the scale. But before I could step onto it, Charlie grabbed my arm and pulled me back into him.

"Why, Y/N?" He asked again. The intensity in his eyes broke me.

Tears poured down my cheeks as I shook my head.

"I don't know!" I yelled as I sobbed. My knees gave out but Charlie's strong arms kept me from falling. All the tension and anxiety I'd felt the past few weeks came flooding out of me as I continued to sob. I felt myself being slowly lowered to the ground, his arms still wrapped tightly around me. Charlie held me as I cried. And I cried.

After what felt like an eternity, I felt my tears finally slow down. Charlie stroked my head as he rocked me slowly, whispering comforting words into my ear. They all sounded muffled but they seemed to help nonetheless as I felt my muscles start to relax.

"I don't know why." I said, burying my face into his neck. "It just started again and I couldn't stop it. Every time I looked in the mirror...all I saw was this fat, ugly person staring back at me and I hated it. I hate it so much! So, I thought skipping a few meals would help. But it wasn't enough. Before I knew it, I was constantly checking the scale again and starving myself. I don't know why I'm like this but I hate it, Charlie! I want to stop but I don't know how!" I said.

We sat their for a while, Charlie rubbing my back as my words hung in the air. I knew he was processing them and trying to think of what to do next but this wasn't something he could fix.

"I want you to see someone."

"What?" I asked, bringing my head up to look at him.

"I want you to see a therapist about this." He said, a look of determination on his face.

"Charlie..." I trailed off.

"I'm serious, Y/N! I can't watch you do this to yourself! You need to talk to someone about this." Charlie said, bringing me in tighter to his body, still rocking.

"What if that doesn't work?! What if they can't help me?!" I suddenly shouted, surprising both of us. I was starting to shake again but his hold on me was steadfast.

"It's a start." Charlie said softly.

The silence from earlier returned. Was I really going to get help for this? Did I want help with this?

"Yes." I said. "I want help."

"That's my Snowflake." Charlie said, kissing the side of my head.

We sat there for a few more minutes until we heard a group coming in to use the weights. Charlie carefully lifted me up with him and gathered my things.

"I'll be with you every step of the way. I promise." Charlie said.

I nodded thankfully, kissing his cheek.

I know this is going to be a long road. But with Charlie by my side, maybe it wouldn't be as lonely.

(A/N: Thanks again for requesting, sunshineonthestreet! I hope you liked it. I just want to say to anyone reading this that might be in a similar situation, you are loved and I'm thinking of you! Until next time! Thanks!!)