EO oneshots//1998//2022

Noah Porter Benson p2

(Warning, brief mentions of Olivia's past with Lewis, and heavy ptsd scenes)

So how'd you come to adopting Noah?" 

Olivia hesitated, the story of how she got Noah is one of its own but its also deeply tied to the parts of her life she has yet to tell Elliot, and definitely not one she wants to tell while at dinner 

"Um, if I tell you this, you have to promise to not ask questions about the missing parts, I will not talk about that here and you have to understand that" Olivia said 

Elliot nods "I understand" 

Olivia clears her throat "I found Noah on one of my first cases back after...um, after I went through some stuff. He was just a baby and I felt drawn to him, protective over him, more than any child we've dealt with, so I stayed on top of it, I went to his court hearings, I tried to find his family, langhan was even the one to represent him and then uh.." 

Olivia's head flinched slightly 

Elliot glances down at her hand starting to shake, he noticed her cheeks turned red and she's taken about 15 sips of her water 

Olivia clears her throat again, she noticed years ago whenever she talked or thought about this her throat would close or mouth would get dry..ptsd at its finest, at least the smells stop

"some stuff happened again, but this time I felt like he was calling to me, to get through it, to stay aliv-...to get to him, to be a mom, to be his mom..Um, so I did, I got through it, then they were about to send him to another foster home when lindel asked me if I would consider fostering him, since I was the one consistent person in his life...I did, and a year later I was able to adopt him" 

Elliot can't stop looking at her hand and her now half empty glass of water 

Olivia notices and pulls her hand back "you promised remember" 

"You're shaking Liv"

"It'll stop..it usually does" which was true but Olivia noticed it wasn't just her hand shaking, her leg was just as fast and her heart wad pounding, she felt like the heat had been cranked to max and for the love god there's not enough water in her glass. shit, panic attack "um, I'll be right back, I'm gonna go to the ladies room"

Elliot watched her all but run away 

Olivia pushed the door behind her as she gasp "not now, please not now" she whispered to herself as she leaned her hands against the sink and gasped again trying to get air in her lungs, she stared in the mirror only to see her own reflection from when she was at the cabin stareing into the miror, it flashed in her mind like a horror movie when the scary bad guy appeared in the mirror,  except it was her own imainge "please stop, please stop, please stop" 

Elliots phone buzzed on the table, his heart droped when he seen a text from Olivia 

*come here*

Elliot glanced around for a second before headed to the women's bathroom, he poked his head slowly only to hear Olivia in full sobs, he immediately steped inside and saw Olivia gripping the sink, half bent over in uncontrollable sobs 

"I cant-i can't breathe, I cant breathe" Olivia gasps in between sobs 

Elliot rushed over immediately only for Olivia to back herself up 

"Please, please dont touch me" Olivia's back at the wall as she contuined to sob 

Elliot watched her as he put his hands up "You have ptsd" he said quietly 

Olivia sobs harder as she nods 

Elliot felt his own tears building "I dont know what to do" he whispered and watched Olivia slide down the wall