tuckson/is it my fault?

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It's been 24 hours since a friend of a friend had called Olivia at her office

"I just wanted to let you know, Ed's gone Olivia, he took his own life"

Olivia spent a few moments alone in her office, before Fin came in, offered to drive her home. She declined and collected herself before she finished the work day the best she could

When She got home, Noah was alseep already, she told Lucy goodbye and  made a quick dinner but never touched it. Instead she stared at her computer as she Googled countless questions

"What are the treatments for brain cancer?"

"Can you survive after having a tumor in your brain?"

"What causes the brain to allow us to harm ourselves?"

She ended up on a Wikipedia page for a man named Pence Humphreys, a neurologist and author who was also in his own battle with his brain

She didn't think, she just acted, she bought his most recent book on the human brain and was able to get same day delivery at 8pm, by 9 it was outside her door and by 10:30pm she was several pages deep

She doesn't blame herself, not necessarily, but she needed something to justify why he would do this, why he wouldn't try to get rid of the tumor before resorting to this

She stayed up all night reading till the words became blurry and she wasn't processing simple words. Noah should  be waking up in an hour and she has to get some amount of sleep. She forced herself to the book down and shut her eyes for a few moments but as soon as she shut her eyes her memories  took over

"What do you think about Paris?"

"Paris?...I like it"

Their voices rang through her head as she tried to tune them out for only a couple minutes of sleep till her alarm went off and she heard Noah rustling around outside her door

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