My captain

Trauma

I wake up in the middle of the night. Leah is laying on her back next to me. My arm is over her stomach and I feel her strong grip around my arm. Her breathing is fast so I assume that she isn't asleep yet. Maybe she woke up or she never fell asleep. She sounds like she is panicking a bit. Her nails are literally pressing into my skin.

"Leah? Are you okay?" I lift up my chest a bit and turn on the light. She looks at me with a heavy breathing and doesn't say anything. She looks like she is having a panic attack.

"Hey, it's okay. Look at me." I try to get her focused. I hold her face with my other hand and she looks into my eyes.

"Everything is fine. You are safe. I'm here." I say in a calm voice. Her eyes are quickly moving through the room like she is searching for something. I gently stroke her cheek and finally get her to look into my eyes. She is still hyperventilating.

"Shh, baby. Focus on my breathing." I show her how to breathe calmly. She tries to focus and synchronises her breathing with mine. It takes her a while since her breathing is still going pretty fast. I keep my own breathing slow and wait until she calmed down.

"I can't sleep. Everything keeps replaying in my head." Leah says.

"What can I do to help you?" I ask. I feel so useless because I can't make her feel better.

"I don't know. Nothing." She just says.

"Do you want to come and lay on my chest?" I suggest. I think that this would make me feel better.

"Yes." She says and moves closer to me. Her arm is holding me strong around my waist and I try to make her feel as safe as possible. She rests her head on my chest and I dig my nose in her hair. I breathe in her scent and give her a few kisses on her head.

"Remember, you are safe here. I won't let anything happen to you again." I whisper at her. I see how Leah puts her nose in my shirt to get my scent in her nose. It's sweet how she does that. I slowly move my fingers through her hair and hope to distract her with that. I feel so bad for her and I still feel like I failed at protecting her from what happened. Her breathing got a bit more flat and she seems to be calm. Her eyes are closed and she is still strongly holding on to me. I hope she can sleep now. She moves her head around a bit for a while. I keep stroking her hair and her arm to get her to sleep. I just hope that she will get better in the next days.

The next morning, I wake up with Leah still sleeping on my chest. I don't want to wake her up because she really needs the sleep. I check on her and stroke through her hair. She looks so peaceful now and it looks like nothing has ever happened to her. I gently kiss her head one time.

Louis starts to cry a bit later. He is probably hungry. I feel how Leah moves her head as she wakes up from it. I was hoping for her to sleep a bit longer. I have to get up to feed Louis now.

"Le, I'm sorry. I have to get him. I will go to the living room to feed him so you can continue to sleep here." I say.

"No. Don't go. Stay here with me." Leah immediately says. She sounds desperate and scared. I can't leave her alone now.

"Alright. I will stay." I say. She rolls her head from my chest and I get up to get Louis out of his bed. As soon as I picked him up, I go into bed next to Leah again. Louis is still crying in my arms. Leah is now laying on her side with her eyes on me and Louis. I start feeding him and smile over at Leah.

"How are you feeling? Do you feel any pain anywhere?" I ask.

"My ribs hurt." She says. I saw the bruises at her ribs and they really looked like they will hurt.

"I have to go to the doctor later to get my hand checked. Can you stay here? You won't be alone, Louis will stay with you?" I say.

"Yeah." She answers even though I see that she doesn't want to.