It's OK To Not Be Ok...Right?

84. Let's Talk About Sex

It made a lot of sense to Sloane now. Why he always stopped before things went any further. Why he held back during their little make out sessions. Sloane was beginning to think he didn't find her attractive. But if he had never done it before and wasn't sure how to or if he was ready, then Sloane didn't want to push. It was a big deal and -

"No, I'm not a virgin," Draco said quietly, now completely red faced and wishing he was down in the dinner hall.

"Oh," Sloane said sadly. She didn't want to but she couldn't help letting some insecurity creep in. "Is it me?" She asked in a whisper. She wasn't sure she even wanted to hear the answer.

Draco's head snapped up. Her? She thought that Draco had some sort of issue with her. She thought that - he wanted to kick himself. He took her hands. "Not at all," he assured her. "You are sexy as hell!" He smiled. "I am one lucky bastard."

Sloane sighed in relief, but the feelings didn't go away. She could still feel nerves radiating off Draco and his heartbeat was going crazy. There definitely was something wrong. Maybe he just didn't want to talk to her about it. "I didn't mean to push you. If you're not ready or you don't want to talk. I just thought...well every time we are here you stop things from...progressing. which is fine if you aren't ready but I couldn't help but think maybe you had regrets or -"

"Regrets?" Draco asked panicked.

Sloane nodded. "Yeah, you know...with me. I mean you were adamant you weren't ready for marriage. Maybe you aren't ready for this." She gestured to the bed, too mortified to say the words.

Draco began to rub her knuckles with his thumb. Be felt bad. His stupid insecurities were getting the better of him. This ridiculous notion in his head was stopping him and Sloane thought it was regret...over her. He kissed her. "It's not you. I promise."

He was going to have to tell her. Going to have to talk through this stupid issue he was having. He had been having. For years. "Do you have time for a counselling session with me?" He asked hopeful.

"Always," she smiled.

Draco pulled her onto his knee. The closeness, feeling her skin on his, somehow made him feel better. Sloane knew he was struggling so she wanted to be as supportive as she could. She held on tight to him as he was to her.

"I've had sex before. Over the summer between 6th and 7th year." He explained. "Her name was Darla."

"Ok," Sloane said to encourage him. She already hated Darla.

"She was the daughter of one of...his followers. Her father used to come to the house a lot and he would bring her some times," Draco was talking calmly. He had never told anyone about Darla. "She was very...outgoing. It was her mission in life to be a Death Eater. She was so jealous that I was one. Crazy fool."

Sloane shouldn't have been smiling but she could feel that Draco felt nothing but regret when he spoke of this girl. "Anyway she came one night for a drinks session with her father and mother. I was...well pissed and she took me upstairs to her guest room and...well...we..."

"Had sex," Sloane filled in the blank. "It's alright you can say it."

"I'd rather not," Draco groaned. "But yeah we did. It was my first time and I was feeling pretty smug. Until the next day when I heard her laughing to a few others about how bad I was in bed. She said I was clueless and not worth her time." He sighed, mortified to be talking about this. These were feelings he had tried to bury.

"What a bitch!" Sloane gasped making Draco smile slightly.

"She said she wanted to test me out to see if I was any good and said she was better off sticking to her 'other' partner. She said he was more experienced and she only slept with me to try and make him jealous. I was a pawn in her little game for the man she really wanted. The man she had seduced almost weekly since her father started to visit the Manor."