The Life Series Oneshots

{Incorrect Quotes 8!}

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Computer: Please enter a password.
Joel: *types in Lizzie*
Computer: Your password is too weak.
Joel: How fucking DARE YOU-

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Skizz, jumping out of Etho's closet: BOO!
Etho:
Skizz:
Etho:
Skizz: *makes a sad face*
Etho: Ahh! Oh my god! You scared me!

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Skizz: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away.
Tango: What makes you say that?
Skizz: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it?
Tango: Skizz... You don't have a clue about this thing, do you?
Skizz: *screams in anger*

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Skizz: What's the most efficient way to burn calories?
Bdubs: Exercise more!
Etho: Set yourself on fire.
Tango: There are two kinds of people.

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Scar: Alright, so the vampire's gravestone is—
Grian: Cenotaph.
Scar: What?
Scar: It's only a gravestone if it marks the location of a body. A monument honouring someone whose body isn't present is a cenotaph.
Scar: I'm... not sure that's how it works if the body gets up and walks away on its own.
Grian: There's a precedent for gravestones being reclassified as cenotaphs if the body is later removed and reinterred elsewhere. There's no rule that says the body itself can't do the removing.
Scar: Okay, but the body is very much coming back. That's kind of what we're here to accomplish.
Grian: So it's a temporary cenotaph.
Scar: And naturally our greatest concern here is avoiding semantic ambiguity.
Grian: Semantic ambiguity is how vampires get you.

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Lizzie: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name?
Pearl: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though... I don't know.
Lizzie: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

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Cleo: So what's for dinner?
Pearl: I can't tell you, it's a soup-prise!
Cleo: ...
Cleo: Is it soup?
Pearl: I soup-pose it could be! *winks*
Cleo: Please, enough with the soup puns!
Pearl: Wow, you're soup-per mean.
Cleo: STOP!
*one hour later*
Cleo: It's fucking tacos?!?!?!

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Pearl: Alright, what pizza toppings should we order?
Gem: Anchovies and pineapple.
Lizzie: I like beets!
Cleo: Have you guys ever had a cheese-less pizza?
Pearl: I'm disowning all of you.

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Ren: Hey Martyn?
Martyn: Yeah?
Ren: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?
Martyn:
Martyn: ...What.

[----------]

Joel: I try to avoid pointless group activities. You know like school Christmas Parties or Jury Duty. To me, the most awful sound in the universe is that mangled first note of your peers singing happy birthday.
Grian: Cool stance. Counterpoint: these are free cupcakes. Get over yourself and take one.