The Life Series Oneshots

{Incorrect Quotes 20! (Boat Boys Version)}

Hi, my motivation still hasn't fully returned, so here, have some incorrect quotes (boat boys version).

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Etho: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.
Joel: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

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Etho: Hey, it's your turn to wash the dishes.
Joel: I'll wash the walls red with your blood.
Etho: Okay, but before that, wash the dishes. Also, use soap this time.

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Etho: Father, I have sinned.
Joel: Daddy, I've been naughty.

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Joel: *Turns on the kitchen light*
Etho: *Sitting at the table, eating bread*
Joel: It's four in the morning.
Etho: Turn the light back off.

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Joel: Thanks for pulling the fire alarm, you saved me from giving an oral report about The Scarlet Web.
Etho: You were too lazy to read the book?!
Joel: I was too lazy to watch the movie.

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Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests?
Etho: Death penalty.
Joel, from the gallery: Etho, it's just a parking ticket.
Etho, whispering into the mic: Please kill me.

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Joel: How do tall people people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you?
Etho: Joel, it's four o'clock in the morning.
Joel: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

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Joel: Are you busy?
Etho: Yes.
Joel: Cool, listen to this.

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Joel: Okay, truth or dare?
Etho: Truth
Joel: How many hours have you slept this week?
Etho:
Etho: ...Dare
Joel: Go to bed.
Etho: I don't like this game.

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Joel: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Etho: Joel, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

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Joel: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.
Etho: Three words.
Joel:

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Joel: As a responsible adult-
Etho: *chuckles*
Joel: ... As a responsible adult—

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Joel: My friends say I'm the most charismatic out of the group.
Etho: Well, you always have a smile on your face.
Joel: Thank you.
Etho:
Etho: What drugs do you take?

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Etho: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.

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Joel: If we don't get out of this alive... If we're both about to die... I love you, Etho!
*Neither of them die*
Etho: ...
Joel: ...
Etho: So do you wanna talk about somethi-
Joel: No thank you.

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Joel: Look, Etho, it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and its Monday.

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Etho: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?
Joel: wHat?
Etho: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.
Joel: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

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Etho: According to the footage here, you shook the vending machine and when the shake alarm went off, you punched the glass and broke it.
Joel: ...I was hungry.

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Joel: If we're in trouble, just throw Etho at the problem, and hope for the best.

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Etho: Slash gamemode creative.
Joel: Dude, this isn't Min-
Etho: *starts levitating*

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Joel: Hey Etho?
Etho: Yeah?
Joel: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?
Etho:
Etho: ...What.

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Etho: What's this?
Joel, hugging Etho: Affection!
Etho: Disgusting.
Etho: ...Do it again.

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Etho: I don't need to touch grass, I need the fall of capitalism.

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Etho: Life is like Joel. It's short.

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Joel: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Etho: Literally or figuratively?
Joel: I have to specify?

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Etho: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Joel: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Etho, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

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Joel: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??
Etho: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

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Joel: I'm having problems with a guy...
Etho: Like his dead body won't fit into your trunk kind of problems, or you like him kind of problems?

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Joel: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner.
Etho: Joel, It's 1:15 am, what the fuck.
Joel: Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not.
Etho: Well, I mean yeah.
Joel: So come downstairs while they're still hot.
Etho: Wait, you just made them?
Joel: Yeah, I wasn't tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish fillets.
Etho: Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time Joel.