The Life Series Oneshots

{Incorrect Quotes 11!}

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Martyn on stage: Everyone's talking 'bout climate change,but when is Ren gonna start talking 'bout some underwear change? Am I right ladies?
Crowd of People: *cheers*
Martyn: *pulls out a gun and shoots Ren until they run out of bullets*
Martyn: *reloads, then shoots Ren until they run out of bullets*
Martyn: *looks into camera after a brief pause* Who killed Ren?

[----------]

Etho: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.
Skizz: You are literally making a Valentine's day card for Bdubs.
Etho, pointing their hot glue gun towards Skizz: You're on thin fucking ice.

[----------]

Tango: Three of the four elements are represented as types of hockey. Air hockey, ice hockey, and field hockey. Fire hockey needs to be a thing.
Etho: Fire hockey absolutely does NOT need to be a thing.
Bdubs: Do you care NOTHING for the balance of the four elements?!

[----------]

*talking on the phone*
Jimmy: Remember how I said that Grian and I were gonna have a calm night out for once?
Joel: Yeah...
Jimmy: Well, we're in jail.
Joel: *hangs up*

[----------]

Grian: How does one turn their emotions off?
Scar: Okay, so first go to settings.
Scar: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first.
Grian: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?

[----------]

Etho: You need to stop swearing so much.
Tango: Shut the fuck up.
Etho: Yeah, that's not how you do it.
Tango: Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it.
Etho: Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine.
Tango: Shit the beep up.
Etho:
Tango: SHUT, DAMMIT! I MEANT SHUT!

[----------]

Impulse, teaching Skizz to drive: Okay, you're driving and Tango and Etho walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Skizz: Oh, definitely Etho. I could never hurt Tango.
Impulse, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

[-----------]

Joel: Lizzie, are you drinking... drinking hydrogen peroxide?!
Lizzie: It says H2O2! That means it's the sequel to water!

[----------]

Grian: I can catch one of them. Let's go, Mumbo.
Mumbo: I didn't volunteer.
Grian: A stake out needs two people! Think, Mumbo. Who's gonna watch all the crime stuff while the other one eats a hoagie?

[-----------]

Watchers: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.

[-----------]

Scar: So, Bdubs is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Cleo: Why?
Scar: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Bdubs, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.