The Life Series Oneshots

{Incorrect Quotes 12!}

Grian: I've been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Scar: Wow. They sound stupid.
Grian: But they're not. They're really smart actually. Just dense.
Scar: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know... "Hey! I love you!"
Grian: I guess you're right. Hey Scar, I love you.
Scar: See! Just say that!
Grian: Holy fucking shit.
Scar: If that flies over their head then, sorry Grian, but they're too dumb for you.
Grian: Scar.

[----------]

Etho: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Bdubs: I wrote you a poem.
Etho, already crying: You did?

[----------]

Tango: *kisses Etho*
Etho: !
Tango: ...Did you steal my chapstick?
Etho: Did- did I what?
Tango: My chapstick, Etho. Did you steal it?
Bdubs: Tango, for the love of God, not this again.
Etho: I- No, I didn't steal your chapstick. We use the same chapstick.
Tango: No, there is absolutely no way we use the same chapstick, because it was only sold on one Etsy shop two years ago and they discontinued it, and I loved it so much that I bought the last of their stock, and I keep it in my freezer so it doesn't go bad. It's been discontinued for three years. No one uses the same chapstick for three years. So unless you've been eating a whole fuck ton of something that's flavored like chocolate and popcorn, you absolutely stole my fucking chapstick.
Etho: Chocolate and popcorn?
Bdubs: Why do you think it got discontinued?

[----------]

Ren: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt.
Martyn: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

[----------]

Joel: If you could guess, how many brain cells do you have?
Lizzie: Dorito's cool ranch.
Joel:
Joel: I'm just gonna assume zero for now.
Lizzie: I love that song.

[----------]

Scott: The scariest president had to be Rushmore because he had four heads.
Martyn: Yeah, it's a good thing we captured him in that mountain, even if we have to live in fear of the spell wearing off.
Cleo: Do you two still believe in that legend? Come on, Rushmore was killed a hundred years ago! We're safe now.
Pearl: You people have clearly never taken a history lesson. His body was never found.

[----------]

Martyn: If you had to choose between Jimmy and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?
Impulse: That depends, how much money are we talking about?
Jimmy: Impulse!
Martyn: 63 cents.
Impulse: ...I'll take the money.
Jimmy: IMPULSE!!!

[----------]

Jimmy: I bet you can't make a sentence without the letter "A"!
Grian: You thought you just did something there, didn't you? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon.
Joel: Fuck you.

[----------]

*Bdubs is considering cancelling plans, and Scar and Cleo are advising them on what to do*
Scar: Just don't go.
Cleo: Say you're ill!
Scar: Pretend to break your leg.
Cleo: Really break your leg!