Logan's Version

LV 5 (scene 13) - Desperate Street Kids

Black screen. And then, the voice-over.
Jesse: Logan's Version was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Kelsea: Sweetie, that audience was prerecorded before they weren't live anymore. Start rolling before our payroll becomes a prerecorded living thing too [laugh track]
The scene opens with Kelsea, Rudra, Danny, and Jesse discussing on a Saturday evening at Lovely Place.
Kelsea: (drinking water) I've gathered you all today because we might have finally gotten Heather out of Logan's life for good.
Jesse: Why is there a might in that statement?
Danny: Because I don't trust that woman! He tried to get my homie cancelled on the Internet [laugh track]
Jesse: Dude, I love you. But do not say homie like that ever again [another laugh track]
Kelsea: We all don't. Well, while we wait for the next drama, there's a really cool after party that Sigourney and her people are hosting. And WE have to be there
Jesse: That's not a bad idea. We could meet at my place and then, with permission, we'll attend it.
Rudra: Don't you mean at Mr Logan's place?
Jesse: He's my guardian. And everyone says he's my second dad, so...
Rudra: So, self-claiming to be Logan's kid just sucks out of the fun of us mocking you.
Kelsea: Classic Carmichael. You just make Logan's jokes funny [brief laugh track]
Danny: Dude, honestly -
Jesse: (cuts in) I'll ask Miss Tracy to order the pizza variety special that you like!
Danny: (turns to the others) Everyone, be nice to Jesse. That's my guy you're mocking like that. Even though he makes corny jokes.
Jesse: (smirking) Thanks, best bro. (He fist bumps with Danny, who stands to leave. Jesse mouths to them) Suckered! (Both Kelsea and Rudra stare in shock) [laugh track]

Later, that Saturday afternoon...
Tracy: (knitting a sweater on the couch) Absolutely not [laugh track]
Jesse: But it's really important for my social stand in the acting industry. Besides, you're supposed to be the cool guardian.
Tracy: Yeah, and I'd be cool with you not attending the party. And that's me sounding like your parent.
Jesse: No offence, but add "grand" to that, and we're more than cool [laugh track]
Tracy: (confused) Grand? (She looks at the sweater and glares in annoyance. She drops it beside her on the couch) You know, your generation thinks knitting is strictly for the oldies. And I used the word, generation, like my grandma does [another laugh track]. My point is, just because you're popular doesn't mean you have to attend every teen party in the world. And Sigourney isn't an exception.
Jesse: But Miss Tracy -
Tracy: (cuts in) No buts. Logan is coming back today, and I can't be the one to get teased for having myself carried away by your shenanigans.
Jesse: (looking frustrated) I was afraid you'd say that. (yells) Pull out the big gun!
Tracy: Huh? (She is interrupted by Danny walking in and bouncing a basketball simultaneously - while dressed as a stereotypical jock, ruffled bangs showing clearly because of his blue face cap worn back; He's also wearing a blue-and-white jersey and grinning confidently)
Danny: You summoned? [laugh track]
Tracy: I was going to say, never say "guns" like that, considering the fact that it's you. But -
Danny: (cuts in) But you have to let us go for that very important function.
Tracy: Because Sigourney is there?
Danny: Absolutely not.
Tracy: I stand by what I said. (to Jesse) And now that I think about it, why did you summon Danny?
Jesse: Because he's your favourite. Isn't that true, Parker? (He turns to where Danny is supposed to be standing. Jesse and Tracy are both surprised at how he disappeared)
Tracy: I'm sorry, did he?
Jesse: He followed the back door.
Tracy: (exhales in relief) Thank God! [laugh track]. (She goes back to knitting her sweater. Jesse walks towards the kitchen but stands right in front of the door)
Jesse: (smirking) And so will I [gasp track]
(The screen freezes, and just as the screen fades to black, we hear Jesse on a voice-over)
Jesse: (narrating) It was at this point that their lives would take a drastic turn - for the worse. (The colour changes to a black-and-white screen. But then...)
Kelsea: (voice-over) Carmichael! Change it back to its original colour! Where do you think we are? In a 1960 Psycho documentary?! [laugh track] (Just then, an apple drops to the ground, and we hear the teens vocalising as soon as Logan's Version appears on the now enlarged fruit).
Jesse: Seriously? You just had to use the Desperate Housewives theme, didn't you?
Kelsea: What? It's a great show! [laugh track] HEY?! No laughs allowed! [angelic vocalising]