Logan's Version

LV 5 (scene 6) - You're a sicko for a bad romance

Once again, the scene opens at Clarkson High, with Kelsea packing her books into her backpack. Just like the previous scene, Danny approaches her.
Danny: Kelsea? We need to talk about something important.
Kelsea: Danny, I'm not going out on a date with Harrison to spite his jealous ex. That only works in the movies I act in [laugh track]
Danny: What? Not that. Something has happened that is about to affect the balance of the universe.
Kelsea: Big words? Why am I not surprised? And what great thing happened that made the universe lose its balance?
Danny: Rudra is dating someone.
Kelsea: HE WHAT?!! (Kelsea bumps into Yariel, and her backpack falls. She also hits her forehead on his, and the two hold their foreheads in pain) [laugh track]. Man, there's a reason we have a traffic sign that says, "Look ahead." (The three students turn around to see a yellow traffic stand that actually says "Look ahead" right in front of the open door).
Yariel: (obviously confused) That was never there!! Who put that there?! [laugh track]
Danny: Yariel, this is not about you. Rudra has a date.
Yariel: WHAT?! (He throws his pen out of the classroom. Just then, someone yells in pain)
Jesse: (offscreen) OH, COME ON! [brief laugh track] (He walks in with the pen beside his left ear. However, he doesn't look annoyed). For someone attempting to blind another person, that was an amazing aim [another laugh track]
Yariel: Thank you.
Kelsea: That wasn't a compliment.
Jesse: What's the big deal about Rudra having a date?
Danny: That's because you don't know who he's dating.
Rudra: (walks in with Rhiannon) Everyone, meet my girlfriend.
Yariel: Rhiannon? That's a weirdly obvious choice [laugh track]
Rhiannon: Come on, I'm not that desperate. (She flips her hair, but Rudra is having none of that)
Rudra: I'm right here, Hudson's ex best friend. Don't be so saucy [brief laugh track]
Kelsea: Whatever. (to Rudra) If it's not Rhiannon, who's your girlfriend? (Just then, Danny's big sister, Sunny, walks in. She has long brown hair, which compliments her green eyes and happens to be slightly taller than Rudra, at least by a few inches. She smiles at them, a smile similar to Danny's Cheshire grin. Apparently, she's in the 11th grade, a year older than Hudson) [brief laugh track]
Sunny: Hi, I'm the sunshine everyone's been waiting for [applause track... for some reason]. Hey, little brother.
Danny: We're the same height.
Sunny: (smirks mischievously) For now.
Rudra: We have to go now, we have lunch together. (Rudra and Sunny walk out of the class, leaving the others in complete shock)
Kelsea: Danny, this might be bad timing, but I'd happily accept Harrison over this unholy union [laugh track]

That same evening, at Logan's house...
Logan: Hold up. Rudra is dating Sunny Potter?? Danny's sister?!
Kelsea/Jesse: YES!
Logan: Sweet Slytherin [brief laugh track]. (He calls out) Tracy?! You will not believe this! Rudra is dating Sunny, Danny's big sister, whom you said has the temper of a thousand angry bees
Tracy: Did you say Rudra is dating Sunny? Or Danny?
Logan: (nods) Yes. [another laugh track]
Tracy: Oh, no. Why didn't he go for Daniella?
Kelsea: Wait. How many siblings does he have?
Jesse: I want to say 5, but let's not calculate the rest to avoid getting heart attacks.
Tracy: I don't know if Danny has told you, but Rudra can't do anything to upset Sunny. She'd blow everything around you up.
Kelsea: Do you mean that literally? Or figuratively?
Logan/Tracy: YES [laugh track]. (Both Kelsea and Jesse look at each other in horror)

The next day at school...
Kelsea, Danny, and Jesse are in the hallways, standing by their lockers, observing Rudra and Sunny flirting with each other.
Kelsea: What are we going to do about them? For some reason, I have a bad feeling about her.
Danny: She locked my brother up in his room for a minor offence. It's not big news that she's crazy. And that's coming from someone crazier than her.
Jesse: (smirking with a raised eyebrow) Is it just me or Sunny looking dayummm today? (Both Kelsea and Danny glare at Jesse, who has this "high and flirty" smirk on his face). [brief laugh track] No wonder she's called Sunny. Cause like the sun, that girl is on fire!
Danny: Did Jesse just get the blues - for my sister?!
Sunny: (approaches them) I'll answer that. And it's a yes. (She smirks at Jesse) Hey, Jesse.
Jesse: (grinning like an idiot) Hello. (He slowly falls to the floor, infatuation written all over his face. Danny shakes his head in frustration). [brief laugh track]
Sunny: Also, I don't like Rudra like that. I just want him for my homework. Too bad, he seems like a nice guy.
Kelsea: What?! Why would you do that? He seems like a nice guy! (pauses) Was that my line?
Danny: Sweet f***! (To Sunny) You better stay away from our friend. Rudra is a very -
Sunny: Oh please, Daniel, save your motivational speech for when you expose me in front of Rudra like they do on TV [brief laugh track]. That's the problem you have with wrong timing.
Kelsea: (to Danny) She's not wrong. (Sunny sashays out while Danny glares at her) We have to do something to save Rudra.
Danny: And Jesse. (The two look down and realize he's no longer passed out on the floor. [laugh track] They don't look too impressed) I think Jesse's gone full-blown douchebag.
Kelsea: What do you mean by that?
Jesse: (walks up to Yariel, who's talking to Sunny. He looks upset about something) STAY AWAY FROM HER, YOU B*TCH! (Jesse punches Yariel, and he falls to the floor, much to the shock of everyone in the hallway). [laugh track] SHE'S MY WOMAN!
Sunny: Sorry, I don't date losers like you.
Jesse: (irritated) Says someone who'll lose her beauty if she continues being a -
Kelsea: OK. I just sanctified my ears last Sunday. Let's get out of here! (She realises Danny is not with her, but about to fight Jesse. Sunny is unfazed as she twirls her hair and sneers at their insanity) Oh, crap! [brief laugh track]
Danny: (beyond furious) What did you call my sister?!
Jesse: I said SHE'S A TOTAL -
Rudra: (runs towards Sunny) Babe! Are you OK?
Sunny: (faking worry) Oh, Ruddy. Save me. These two dorks are trying to hurt me.
Rudra: (falling for the fake act) Just run away, my love. (melodramatically) Let me help you, so you can be free like the butterflies in the meadows [brief laugh track]
Sunny: OK. (She literally flies off by flapping her arms. The three boys start fighting, and soon enough, everyone gets into fist fights, food fights, and...)
Kelsea: (irritated) Pillow fights??! [laugh track] What is happening? Am I the only reasonable one?
Yariel: Actually, it's parody day. See? (He points at a signboard that says, "Let's get this parody started!") [laugh track]
Kelsea: Oh, that makes more sense. (She takes off her sneakers) I know I'm famous, so - (She throws one of them at someone offscreen. When Yariel and Kelsea realize who it hit, they are left horrified).

5 minutes later...
Kelsea, Rudra, Danny, and Jesse are in the principal's office.
Kelsea: I'm so sorry for throwing my shoe at you. I was targeting him.
Danny: Be specific, Kelsea. Just say his name!
Jesse: At least she chose me.
Kelsea: (to Rudra) Rudra, Sunny doesn't love you. She is not the butterfly you fell in love with since the first day you talked to her
Rudra: That was this morning [laugh track]
Tucker: You do realize I'm filling in for your actual principal?
Jesse: Mr Tucker, we don't care [brief laugh track]. (to Kelsea) Kelsea, I haven't told you, but (instrumentals to a random love song start playing) I have loved you since the beginning of time. When I look into your eyes, all I see is ... (singsongy) cause your hips don't lie! (He starts dancing on the table as he sings) And I start to feel it's right, all the attraction-
Tucker: (to the camera) Is that even appropriate for a 15-year-old? (shrugs) Who am I kidding? (Everyone starts singing the "la la la" bridge in "What makes you beautiful" by One Direction. Soon enough, they dance out of the office into the hallway. They are joined by other students and teachers as they dance separately, including Yariel and Sunny. However, the "la la la" transitions to the Tik Tok chorus, "Don't stop, make it pop..." They start dancing randomly, either waltzing, line dancing, or just straight up throwing their hands in the air while swaying their waists. As soon as the music starts to fade, Yariel jumps on a nearby chair and lip syncs the giggle at the end of the song while ruffling his hair) [final laugh track].

(Or so we think. As the screen cuts to black, gentle breathing is heard. It becomes rapid, and Logan is seen, eyes wide open first. He sits up in his bed, shirtless. He seems panicky about something)
Logan: Wow. I had the craziest dream. Everyone was singing and dancing like they were in a musical. (He heaves a sigh) Good thing no one sings like that in real life. (Just then, the intro to the instrumentals of Sexyback by Justin Timberlake are heard. Logan turns on the lights, but just as he's about to leave the bed, Nigel and Tracy waltz in singing the chorus of the song)
Nigel/Tracy: I'm bringing sexy back! [applause track]
Logan: Oh, no. (Tracy dances towards Logan, but grimaces. The song stops, followed by the record scratch) What? You've not seen six-pack before?
Tracy: You're hot, but I can't do this. Nigel?
Nigel: (exhales) Fine, but this is the last time. (He struts towards Logan and feels his packs while lip syncing the chorus repeatedly, "Go ahead, be gone with it... get your sexy out")
Jesse: (offscreen) DO Y'ALL MIND?! THIS IS A TEENS' SHOW, YOU PERVERTS!! [heavy laugh track]
Nigel: (smirking) That's not what it's called where I come from.
Logan: Oh, no (the screen cuts to black again)
SPLASH!
Logan: (He coughs as he wakes up on the couch. He opens his eyes as he looks around to see Tracy, Nigel, Kelsea, and Jesse surround him, although his vision is hazy) What happened?
Nigel: (raises two fingers) How many fingers am I holding?
Logan: How did you even get here? [brief laugh track]
Nigel: I just came in some minutes ago. You were still unconscious.
Kelsea: You panicked and passed out when we told you Sunny and Rudra were coming over.
Tracy: But don't worry, they're not coming here anymore. (Logan exhales in relief)
Jesse: They're already here. (He widens his eyes to see Rudra and Sunny dressed in a tux and wedding gown, respectively. Logan passes out [laugh track]. A few minutes later, Logan wakes up again and sees Jesse)
Logan: Oh, Jesse, you're here. I dreamt Rudra and Sunny were happily married.
Jesse: Oh, it wasn't a dream. They're together. Well, unmarried, but they're together. And now that I hear it, I think it's my turn to pass out [laugh track]. But they aren't here anyway.
Logan: Well, so much has happened in just a space of 3 days, and the week isn't over yet. Danny was psychic for a day, and Sunny found love, or rather someone who's desperate for it. Nothing can surprise me further.
Jesse: (He pauses as his facial expression shows that he's hiding something, Logan leaves him and goes outside) Yeah. Surprises are the worst [final laugh track]