Logan's Version

LV 5 (scene 20) - De Factual Finale Logics [FINALE!]

Tracy: (voice-over) This not so special scene was written for the purpose of filming in front of a live studio audience.
Logan: No, it wasn't. It's the 2020s, and no one's gonna be at a theatre or cinema.
Tracy: Can we just start the comedy and end the whole Logan's logic thing?
Logan: Fine. (He clears throat and starts narrating) It all started like every other normal day in downtown Denver. Who am I kidding? It's never normal in my side of Denver [laugh track]. Anyway, it seemed normal, but it was going to be a special day like no other.

The scene opens in the living room where Danny is pacing back and forth. Just then, the doorbell rings, and Danny opens it. The visitor is Rudra.
Danny: Where have you been? I've been waiting for an hour.
Rudra: Sorry, the traffic is insane today.
Danny: Dude, you live 3 minutes away.
Rudra: In that case, I overslept [laugh track]. Where's Mr Logan? I need to see him first, and I'll get back to you. (He runs to the kitchen where Logan is mixing flour in a bowl) Good morning, Mr Logan. Do you need my help in the kitchen? (Logan is frozen for some reason) Mr Logan? Logan? Are you having a vision? [brief laugh track]
Logan: (Quickly finds his voice and yells) DANNY?! TRACY?! That guy who looks like Rudra is pretending to be Rudra again!!
Rudra: Wait. Again?! [laugh track]
Danny: Long story short, Rudra? There are two of you. (Rudra is confused) Yeah, I know it's cringe [laugh track]
Tracy: (walks in answering a phone call) Logan, I've got great news and not great news. The great news is, you finally got that fancy telenovela role you've always wanted in Vegas.
Logan: That's amazing news! That means I'd better start packing and meeting new people. But I also have the thriller thing in LA.
Tracy: You're Logan. You'll find a way to balance it.
Danny: What's the not so great news?
Tracy: Montana got into a pretty bad car accident. He's fine, but he's still in the hospital. Apparently, he was stressed with acting and took advice from Nigel to take a break and drive without looking back [laugh track]
Danny: Nigel obviously meant driving through life. That's coming from someone who never thinks straight cause his thoughts are always on the road.
Rudra: Wow, say you're an empty head without saying so. Danny finally comes to terms with his true authentic self [brief laugh track]
Tracy: Seriously, if we all took certain words and advice literally, we'd be having big and unreasonable problems.
Danny: Well, when will Montana be returning home? Cause I need him to tell Rudra that he crossed the line with those hurtful insults this time. (Logan and Tracy look at each other and then at Rudra. They notice his legs apart, his right leg in front of a slightly long white line that has been drawn with chalk [laugh track]. Rudra and Danny are still fuming at each other)
Logan: Something tells me they've been waiting to use that line. (He exhales as he realizes the punchline) Great, the irony of life just struck [another laugh track]
Tracy: Let's just go, shall we? (They quickly leave the house)

Later...
Tracy: (discussing with Logan) I can't believe she wants to break up with him. I mean, the guy is a billionaire. And they could have cleared up their misunderstanding if she was always attentive to him.
Logan: (shrugs) People break up with billionaires all the time. You have nothing to worry about. Besides, don't get involved in their issues.
Tracy: How do you think we paid for those hotel rooms for 6 months at Vegas?
Logan: (realizes what she's implying and immediately yells) OUR RICH LIFESTYLES ARE AT RISK! TEXT THEM! TEXT THEM! TEXT THEM!!! [laugh track]
Montana: (walking in with a sling around his shoulder) Hey, homie? T Train? Thanks for letting me crash here, especially since you're practically leaving Denver for a longer period of time than before.
Tracy: How long do you think 2 years is?
Montana: Yes [unnecessary laugh track].
Logan: Wow. Remember when we left in 2022 and the kids called us non-stop. Danny practically boarded a bus to see us at the movie premiere.
Tracy: (solemnly) And he didn't make it.
Montana: But he's still breathing fine. (pause) Isn't he? [laugh track]
Logan: Montana, did you just say breathing, but without the letter "g" in it?
Tracy: How do you even know what he said?
Logan: It's a black thing [laugh track]. (To Tracy) Hey, Danny hasn't said anything about us travelling. Every time he's here, he just evades the topic entirely.
Montana: Well, people have different ways of expressing their feelings.
Tracy: But that's the problem. He's very expressive. He's like the human form of a highway express.
Montana: Cause accidents happen on highways?
Logan: Oh, no. Danny invented highway accidents [laugh track].
Tracy: Danny's with the group. We're adults, but they're his age. I'm sure he's telling them how he really feels cause he'll be more comfortable with them.
Logan: Well, I have to go out soon. Allison and I need to make some closure with Mr Ruslan concerning the final edits.
Tracy: No problem. I'll be here looking after Monty like the nice person that I am. (Logan leaves the house, closing the door behind him. Tracy turns to Montana with a warm smile on her face)
Montana: Dude, never in the history of nicety does a self acclaimed nice person ever end up being nice.
Tracy: Wow. You know, that statement proves that the doctor finally fixed your brain.
Montana: How?
Tracy: (grabs a pillow and hits his broken arm, making Montana yelp in pain) Why will you interpret "wheels of life" as actual wheels?! This is why I got my own place months ago! (She stands up and walks away angrily while Montana holds his arm in pain. He glares at Tracy as she walks off [laugh track]).