Logan's Version

LV 4 (scene 20) - Nanny's Diaries

Tracy and Logan are going through a huge journal in the dining room. It contains notes, entries, pictures, and several scrap papers attached to the different pages.
Logan: It's so funny how much has happened in the past few years. That includes how I've experienced wonderful character development over time.
Tracy: Logan. Let's not lie today, alright? [brief laugh track] The only main development you've had is not resorting to violence to solve all your problems.
Logan: Tell me one time.
Tracy: (reading) August 3rd, 2018, I wrestled with Neil at the hospital in order to get Jesse discharged after a serious illness. And I won. Yours truly, the amazing Logan. Keep this as a historic tale for my children [laugh track]
Logan: Tracy, it happened. You don't have to worry about my children.
Tracy: I'm talking about the ones you'll have later. On their behalf, I'm worried about having a hyper crazy dad to cater for them [another laugh track]
Logan: But I'm chill now, and you prefer it to me doing the Logan thing. Besides, I think there's a memory missing. (Just then, Vivian and Kelsea walk in through the front door)
Vivian: Good day, Mr & Mrs. Hilson.
Logan: What did they see in us that they call us that? I have a girlfriend. Are they still surprised about that? [laugh track]
Kelsea: In actual fact, some people think you're two-timing each other [another laugh track]
Vivian: By the way, I just came to return Jesse's history textbook to him. And I'm already beyond exhausted. (suddenly yells) JESSE! I BROUGHT YOUR HISTORY BACK!
Jesse: (offscreen) THANK YOU, VIVIAN! I'D BE RIGHT OUT WITH YOU! (Jesse comes out of the kitchen)
Logan: What's with all the yelling? I didn't raise you like that in the 5 years I was your guardian [laugh track]
Tracy: You were his teacher, so? [brief laugh track] (Jesse proceeds to collect the book from Vivian, but Logan calls his name)
Logan: Jesse? Vivian? Don't move. I have to take this. (He hands Tracy his phone and rushes to stand behind Jesse and Vivian with a silly smile on his face) Jesse's first break-up. Take the picture [laugh track]
Tracy: (shrugs) Whatever you say, Logan. (She clicks on it twice)
Kelsea: How did I get to know Jesse and Mr Logan again?
Tracy: Through an audition gone wrong [laugh track]. (She takes a shot of the picture. Logan is smiling widely, while Jesse and Vivian have both confused and annoyed facial expressions. It is shown that the picture is already in the scrapbook, and the preceding event is a memory. Kelsea, Danny, Jesse, Logan, and Tracy are going through the scrapbook, with the latter two laughing heartily at the picture)
Logan: It was a very relatable memory, thank you very much.
Tracy: And throughout last week, Jesse wouldn't talk to both of us. (turns to Jesse) Again, aiding and abetting doesn't work in this situation. I had a job, and I needed the money [laugh track]
Kelsea: Hey, what's this picture? (The picture is of Logan, Tracy, Camillo, and Simran outside a Starbucks mall, making fun poses)
Tracy: I can remember this picture like it was yesterday. (She looks up to the ceiling as though the flashback is in the ceiling. She clears her throat, and the others roll their eyes and stare at the ceiling too [laugh track])

Flashback...
The four adults, contrary to the picture of them smiling, are, in fact, annoyed that the offscreen photographer is taking a long time to take the picture.
Tracy: (in between her teeth smile) Dude, if you don't hurry the heck up!
Logan: You're so lucky I'm setting a good example for my fans. Or you would've been a good example of a non fan [laugh track]
Frederick: (removing something from his right cheek) Would you all just chill? And Logan, I'm not your fan.
Logan: Says the entitled (blaring horn) who has always (blaring horn) everything up since we started the show. You're a (blaring horn)
Tracy: OK, who the (blaring horn) is censoring us?! We need him to hear them! [laugh track]
Frederick: Good thing I've never heard those words before. And I've taken it. (He hands the phone to the four, who check it out. But they're unsurprisingly shocked)
Simran: Frederick, what is wrong with you?
Camillo: Why would you even - (they all raise their heads to see Frederick isn't in front of them. However, they sight him boarding a bus with some luggage) [laugh track]
Tracy: I'm sorry. Did he just take our bags?!
Logan: (typing on his phone) Don't sweat it so much, Tracy. The one thing he's not taking back with him is his job [brief laugh track]
Simran: You're not the boss.
Logan: I know. That's why I'm using your phone [laugh track]. (Simran searches her purse and her pockets and realises Logan is using her phone. She frowns at him, but he just shrugs) What? Frederick isn't the only one with a tapping problem. (He gets a notification on Simran's phone. He opens it and reads it loud) He texted back. He said, "Logan, you're a total [blaring horn]." (Tracy, Simran, and Camillo open their mouths in shock at the insult they just heard) [laugh track]
Camillo: Why are we surprised? We've been called worse [brief laugh track]...

Flashback ends...
Logan: (to the teens) You don't have to look at me like that. You kids say way worse. (to Tracy) Remember when Jesse said the F word to Lincoln at school when he was 5?
Tracy: In his defence, he heard it from you. Besides, Gerald and Stephanie weren't exactly impressed. Try pacifying an irate parent.

Another flashback...
Stephanie: I AM AN IRATE PARENT! [brief laugh track]. And I'm not exactly impressed at this.
Gerald: (walks in through the front door) who the (blaring horn) is trying to be Jesse's new dad? And why would you say such in front of him? (To no one in particular) Stop censoring my words! He deserves to hear me! [laugh track]
Logan: (confused and nervous) Mr. Gerald? Mrs Stephanie? It's not what it looks like. And this house is filled with children, we shouldn't use such language
Gerald: You've right (heaves a sigh and asks - angrily) WHOM THE FUCK-
Jesse: (offscreen, in agony) DAD, NO! (5 year old Jesse's cry is heard while Logan stares at both Gerald and Stephanie complete annoyance) [laugh track]
Logan: (irritated) Mr Gerald?! You've made Jesse cry. WHAT THE ACTUAL F-
Jesse: (still offscreen; throws a random notebook at Logan. The book hits Logan right in the mouth) Don't ruin my vocabulary [another laugh track]

Flashback ends...
Kelsea: (shrugs) Hmm. No wonder Jesse acts like he's traumatised.
Danny: He IS traumatised. He got psychic by accident [laugh track]
Logan: And none of you are gonna let me live this down, are you?
Everyone: Yep [another laugh track]
Logan: Well, we're travelling to New York soon for the movie shoot and premiere. Let's see how the adventure will go.
Tracy: I just hope it will be fun and exciting like they do in road trip movies.
Logan: Tracy, making road trips fun is my job. Trust me.
Tracy: What about Madison and Mario? We have to tag them along. Include Camillo, too.
Logan: Camillo already quit. He practically hates me.
Tracy: He hates that you're broke and an introvert based on your wavering financial status [brief laugh track]. Besides, it can be a "thank you for all the trouble you've put me through in the name of managing" road trip [heavy laugh track]
Danny: Why can't you take us along?
Logan: You have a family, bro [brief laugh track]
Jesse: We'll miss you, Miss Tracy. And Mr. Logan. (He puts his arms around the two adults and sulks) Take me with you. They'll drive me crazy.
Kelsea: You mean, take ME with you. I'm a famous person related to a famous person whom you famous people know of. On the bright side, it will help boost my acting career [brief laugh track]
Danny: Or you can take me, and I'll become the angel you've always wanted me to be. That's something we all want. It's a threat, not a promise.
Logan/Tracy: (exchange slightly scared glances at each other) Travelling alone, here we come!! [laugh track] (They stand up to leave, but Jesse, Kelsea, and Danny hug them tightly)
Jesse: Have a safe trip, dad number two.
Danny: Get something for us, mom number two. Don't tell Logan, but I always preferred you more. (Logan and Tracy stare at Danny)
Kelsea: (to Danny) Remind me not to tell you any further secrets [brief laugh track]. But I'll miss you both a lot.
Jesse: Call us every day!
Tracy: We will.
Kelsea: Come on, let's leave them to pack up soon. (The three kids start leaving the house)
Jesse: My baby teacher has all grown up!
Danny: (sobbing inaudibly) And my family friend is now a star! That's my fake mom right there!
Kelsea: I'll take it from here. (She puts her arms around the boys as they leave the house. As soon as the door is closed, Logan and Tracy face each other to talk)
Logan: OK, that was weird even for me. But I'm so relieved we won't be babysitting these children for two whole years.
Tracy: I'll miss them, though. (pauses) That reminds me, I think we have to go now. Madison, Mario, and Simran are waiting outside. (She carries her two travelling bags with her outside. She turns back) Are you ready?
Logan: Yeah. I just need a minute. (Tracy nods and walks outside. Logan exhales and looks around to take it all in, the home he and Zoey bought 8 years ago with their joint finances, before it would officially and legally become his own when Zoey got married. Logan grinned for a while; he was somewhat accomplished now, and he was about to live the New York dream. He walks out of the house and says). See you in 2 years. (He closes the door behind him as the applause track is heard ending the scene).