Logan's Version

LV 5 (scene 8) - Quick Scheme Syndrome

Kelsea, Rudra, Danny, and Jesse are observing Logan on his computer in the living room. They're watching from the kitchen, and after some seconds of patient waiting, they murmur among themselves.
Jesse: I'm sorry. Why can't we just ask our parents for the money?
Kelsea: Mr Logan already gets paid to watch us.
Danny: Technically, we're asking for our parents' money. Logan just happens to have it [laugh track]
Rudra: There's just one little issue we have to fix.
Harrison: (walks towards them with an irritated expression) That b*tch that calls herself Sunny's friend made me arrange my room today.
Jesse: Excuse me?! You're not supposed to say such a word!
Harrison: (scoffs) U mean b*tch?
Danny: Harrison, no! Arrange! You're a Porter [heavy laugh track]. (He stands up) Let's go home for a while. Ladies love Danny's way of magic [laugh track]
Kelsea: I wish the memory erasing device in science movies wasn't just a prop.
Jesse: Speak for yourself! We've been friends since kindergarten, and he just surprises me in the strangest ways [brief laugh track]
Rudra: Wait. Where's the punchline?
Jesse: Friends. Strangers. The irony in the words "strangest things" and "friends"? Rudra, you should understand. Those are your types of jokes.
Logan: (offscreen) Wow, you're cornier than I unexpected [brief laugh track]
Jesse: (almost subtly) Speaking of corny, I've always thought you were incredibly funny
Kelsea: I remember when you used to make those funny jokes on your solo TV show.
Logan: (shrugs as he goes to the kitchen door) I mean, I am funnier than Tracy thinks. In fact, you could say I'm a "fun fact" person [laugh track]. (Jesse, Rudra, and Kelsea fake laugh at his word play, alongside Logan)
Rudra: That's so hilarious.
Logan: Good times. (grins) How much do you want?
Kelsea: Mr Logan, what makes you think we want money?
Danny: (walks in) Drop the act, sweetheart. He's not as oblivious as you think.
Logan: And he's right. You know, nothing gets past me without me knowing. (Tracy walks past him going through a few clothes that belong to Logan. She seems to be unsatisfied with the few she wants to borrow, so she makes a "bleh" face. Since Logan is backing her, the teens are the ones watching her complain in a manner similar to a silent movie [laugh track])
Kelsea: Yeah, nothing really does get by without you knowing.
Logan: And speaking of knowing, my manager, Allison Jones, will be stopping by later today to collect a bag from my room. Give it to her without any scheming questions.
Rudra: Mr Logan, don't you mean "further" questions?
Tracy: (comes out of the room) No, we mean scheming. Y'all scheme too much, and it's the boring type of shenanigans [brief laugh track]
Logan: (admiring Tracy) Wow, your green T shirt is really good on you. (The two start walking out of the door) Funny, I have this exact same type.
Tracy: (grinning "surprisingly") Logan? You don't say [laugh track]

About an hour later, Kelsea and Jesse are the only ones at home, waiting for the said Allison to show up. Well, they aren't just waiting.
Kelsea: (irritated) How could we not find the said bag? He just said "a bag" and expects us to just figure it out. (almost loudly) What kind of description is that?!
Jesse: (surprised at her almost bossy voice) I didn't know you had a second angry voice that's as thick as your last name. It sounds more Forrest-er than usual [heavy laugh track].
Kelsea: (sarcastic) And what does the first one sound like?
Jesse: Like that. (Just then, an idea pops into his head) Allison might know the exact description of the bag. When she shows up, she'll tell us what it looks like, and we'll just check where and what's in it.
Kelsea: And if it's money, we could slip out a few cash. Or make a few fake ones since he might have counted it. (wonders) Jesse, why didn't you suggest it before? It's brilliant.
Jesse: 'Cause every time I have a suggestion, you'd tell me to shut it!
Kelsea: In my defence, Logan's door is pretty squeaky. So, shut it and help me think of how to deceive Allison. This is where you have one of those glimpses and tell me what to do.
Jesse: You've known me for 7 years. Visions don't work that way! [brief laugh track] And we can't clearly trick Allison. It'd be way too obvious.
Kelsea: What of Danny?
Jesse: Danny's is a stereotypical athletic, almost 16 year old jock. It will clearly backfire.
Kelsea: But we don't have any choice. (She brings out her phone and dials his number) I'm calling him. (She waits for a short while. Then, Danny picks up, and she starts talking) Danny?
Danny: (walks in with Harrison) I already saw Allison park outside. And Harrison's here to help in case it backfires.
Kelsea: (surprised) How do you keep doing that? Although, frankly, I'm not that surprised.
Jesse: I'm his best friend, I'm the one who should not be surprised. (He comically brings out an unending string of handkerchiefs tied together out of his shirt after feeling an itch) What in the - [laugh track]
Harrison: (to Danny) You and Sunny were right. I could've never guessed where you hid them [another laugh track]
Kelsea: And that's why I'm never surprised [third laugh track]. (Just then, the doorbell rings. The teens all sit and chill on the couch with Harrison. Then Kelsea raises an eyebrow) Wait, who's getting the door for Allison?
Jesse: I'll do it. Besides, I heard that Allison has a wonderful smile (He stands up and proceeds to open the door. There at the door is a brown skinned lady of Afro descent. She's about 5 feet 9 inches tall and has long brown braids tied in a ponytail. She's dressed in a formal black gown and dark brown wedges. However, she has a serious look on her face)
Allison: Jesse Carmichael? Your guardian sent me here.
Jesse: (trying to be coy) You mean, my uncle?
Allison: Child, I've bills to pay and budgets to build, and getting the bag helps, thanks to your guardian. Now, please, help me get the bag your guardian asked for [laugh track]
Jesse: What's the colour of the bag? And also -
Allison: (walks in) Brown, big, like a messenger bag, heavy weight, at an eastside. (Jesse closes the door and simply walks to Logan's room)
Kelsea: (to Danny) Wow, she is not smiling at anything. And Jesse is supposed to be the funny one.
Harrison: My brother says it's the economy.
Kelsea: Wow, Danny. I had no idea that being educationally bleak is your thing [brief laugh track]
Jesse: (looks around Logan's room) Where's the bag? (He remembers Allison saying "east side" and finally sights the bag at the east of the room. He hears the "cha-ching" sound and quickly skims through the bag, but he only finds several documents and scripts. He hisses in disappointment at what would have been a jackpot moment and simply takes the bag with him, handing it to Allison)
Allison: Thank you, Carmichael.
Jesse: (almost rudely) It's Jesse. (With a sweet tone) Have a wonderful afternoon [another laugh track]
Allison: (oblivious to the sarcasm) Yeah, you too. (She walks out with the messenger bag and goes into the street. She approaches a blue Sedan, opens the door, and enters the driver's side. In the front passenger seat is Logan wearing sunglasses and smirking in the most dramatic manner possible, while Tracy is scrolling on her phone. Allison is obviously unimpressed) Mr Logan, I'd kindly advise you to never smirk like that ever again in your life. (She flips her hair slightly) Sir [another laugh track]
Logan: It's fine. At least the credit card is still here.
Allison: How do you know?
Tracy: (at the back seat) Because those three have searched everywhere, including that bag, for money since "daddy" here wouldn't lend them any. (glaring at Logan) Even his precious Jesse.
Logan: Well, I'm sorry for trying so hard to teach Jesse the value of money. And he's an actor.
Allison: Yeah, he's a child star. You should help him somehow, and in the money issue, you could've said no
Logan: I literally said NO.
Allison: That's not how I remember it [brief laugh track]
Logan: You weren't even there! (frustrated) Is there anyone who's out to further annoy the heck out of me?
Montana: (enters the car) Yeah. Logan? What's this that I hear you did to poor innocent Jesse? You could have just said no.
Logan: That's it. Everyone, out of the car!
Allison: It's MY car. Try again, sweetie [laugh track]. (She drives off with the others)...

At home, Logan is seemingly lecturing Kelsea and Jesse on the importance of saving money.
Logan: And those are the reasons that make saving money very important. Besides, you're like teen famous, and you're one of the lucky ones whose parents or family members don't drink all of their wealth and strength.
Kelsea: You're right.
Jesse: We should always save money. (The two smile at the camera as though they're in a commercial. Logan raises an eyebrow at the two as though they've lost it) [brief laugh track]
Logan: What's up with you two? You look like commercial breaks.
Kelsea: We're literally on a commercial break.
Allison: (revealed to be filming them) What? I'm co-hosting a fundraising charity event, and their faces are enough to bring in the money. (She stops filming) Be grateful you're in it cause I was going to hire either Nigel Forrester, Tate McRae, or Jason Momoa.
Tracy: (runs in suddenly) YOU KNOW JASON MOMOA?!! GET HIM ON THE LINE, NOW!!! (She's smiling widely and jumping in front of a stunned Allison like a 10 year old girl)
Jesse: (clarifies) We don't say the name Jason in this house. Jason, Harry Styles, Brianna Brown, and Shawn Mendes. It's a weird list
Allison: Lemme guess, Kelsea is a fan of all of them?
Kelsea: Actually -
Logan: (cuts in) Allison, the important point Kelsea is trying to make [brief laugh track] is that you've got a big fundraiser to plan. Tracy and I will help out anyway we can. (He opens the messenger bag and brings out a stuffed bunny and an endless string of handkerchiefs [laugh track]) How did this even get in here?
Danny: (quickly hands a navy blue backpack to a stunned Logan) Sorry, my brother kinda took yours by mistake. Don't worry. Your files are intact. (He starts leaving) Who does he even get the idea to do all this crazy stuff? Cause I know it's not me [brief laugh track]
Kelsea: (to a confused Allison) Add his name to the list, too. You'll thank me later [final laugh track]