Logan's Version

LV 5 (scene 9) - The Lacy Couple

Kelsea is shown coming out of Logan's room. Apparently, she just finished searching for something.
Kelsea: Mr Logan, I couldn't find the book anywhere.
Logan: Are you sure?
Kelsea: Yeah.
Logan: (sighs) Oh, I forgot. Your eyes must have fallen off, so once you find your eyes first, then you'll find my book [heavy laugh track]
Kelsea: (stunned, yet annoyed) How do you even come up with those?! [another laugh track]
Tracy: (walking in through the front door) Logan, I've always wondered. If there's one toxic trait everyone has, it's knowing the truth but still asking the ding dang liar more questions. And in their minds, they be like, "The drama is going to new heights."
Logan: It's nice to know all the good liars. We might need them for other purposes along the line aside from cheating [laugh track]
Tracy: Speaking of lines aside, we happen to have an interview on Denver's biggest national entertainment talk show, Denverado! (Just then, there's a knock on the door. Kelsea opens the door to see Nigel. She hugs him quickly)
Kelsea: Uncle Nigel?
Nigel: (corrects) Cousin Nigel. (He closes the door) And it's been a while. Especially since Logan had that dizzy spell, where he was like, "abracadabra," and poof! (Nigel pretends to faint like a princess to mock Logan. Kelsea and Tracy stifle their giggles) [laugh track]
Logan: What a lovely reminder.
Nigel: Besides, I've got great news. We happen to have an interview on Denver's biggest national entertainment talk show, Denverado!
Logan: Tracy already told me. And please, tell me we're the only ones going. Plus, Allison, my manager.
Tracy: It's just the four of us. (Kelsea proceeds to raise her hand) Oh, no. You and Jesse will NOT have another hangout with your classmates. (pauses) Where's Jesse?
Jesse: (walks in through the front door) Hello, everyone. Filming today was pretty weird. Someone wore green for a CGI scene as a way of improvising. Nothing can top that.
Kelsea: Logan and Tracy have an interview together.
Allison: (coming out of the kitchen) The both of you have an interview on the same show?? Oh, no.
Tracy: How did she get here? (shrugs) What do I know? She's a better manager than Camillo.
Allison: This is unexpected. We can't have another Lacy meltdown!
Jesse: What Lacy meltdown? (He freezes in a trance-like state as soon as he asks the question. When the camera closes in on his right eye, the speeding wave of light is shown. The vision opens to show Logan and Tracy arguing heartedly, apparently on a talk show. Soon enough, it turns into a fist fight. Tracy accidentally hits the blonde TV host instead of Logan. Nigel rushes to help the host up, but she pushes him. He falls on Logan and Tracy. All four exchange slaps and blows, and soon enough, a few other guest stars try to either defend or attack the other. Amidst the ruckus, Kelsea comes in front of Jesse and yells)
[Kelsea: NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL A LACY MELTDOWN!! (She grins widely) Get this on camera! NOW!!] (Her yell, "NOW!" echoes as the vision closes, and Jesse is back in the living room. He turns to glare at Kelsea and the adults)
Jesse: At this point, I don't trust that leaving you two alone on an interview is the best idea. Kelsea and I have to follow you there.
Logan: The interview is for us. No children allowed. (The four adults start leaving, but Logan turns back and adds) Finally, no quick scheming with Rudra and Danny. I know y'all way better than your parents do - sadly [brief laugh track]
Jesse: (turns to Kelsea as soon as they leave) And we know them better than their future children do. Kelsea, they're going to fight again on live TV. We have to do something.
Kelsea: But how? Two of us can't sneak into the building while the live interview is going on. (She stands up and adjusts her blouse) We need a mad scientist and a rocket scientist.
Jesse: What does that make me?
Kelsea: The one who gets all the answers wrong.
Jesse: Says someone who's going along with dumb one. That automatically makes you dumber more than myself. That's right, I stated it [brief laugh track]
Kelsea: (raises an eyebrow) Dude, that wasn't even funny. Where's the punchline? The actual one.
Jesse: Do I have to do everything around here?! (He gets a wooden slate and hits it quickly with a closed fist, as though it were a punch. He turns it around and grins) There, you happy now? (The slate literally has a punch line) [laugh track]...