The Sun and Her Moon- Remus Lupin

we all need friends

There was days of Aveline's life where something juicy would happen, and she would rush to her girls— Marlene, Mary, Lily, and Alice— and spill every last detail. They'd give her advice, tell her what to do.

Though currently, Aveline had no one. Certainly, if Lily knew she was alive she'd have Lily, though to Lily,  Aveline was quite literally dead.

Marlene was dead. Alice was gone. Mary had left them all behind with a series of memory forgetting charms.

All she needed was someone— anyone— to talk to right now.

Which is why she found herself standing outside Kingsley Shacklebolt's apartment door, banging on it furiously.

He opened the door with a tired look in his eyes. Though his eyes widened as he saw her.

"Avel- I mean Elowen. What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

He could tell by the look on her eyes everything was not okay. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, bright blue eyes threatening to spill.

Aveline considered herself a strong woman. She had gotten through many horrible things in life— but she was so done.

She just needed her people. Her Remus. Her Lily. Her James. Her Sirius.

"Come in," Kingsley told her, as he stepped aside and beckoned her inside.

The second she stepped foot in his apartment, it was like everything that Aveline was holding in, starting to rush out. Her breathing quicken as she held her hands about her head.

"I can't do this. I really can't do this Kingsley," she cried, now pacing in his living room like a maniac. "I understand what Dumbledore is saying, but I'm not cut out for this. I know I get to see Remus everyday but it's not the same and I miss him and James and Lily and Sirius and Harry. And I miss being me. And I want to be Auntie Aveline and not Professor Grey for Harry— and fuck I really can't do this. I keep slipping up and Merlin I fucked Remus—"

"You WHAT?"

Aveline nodded, placing a hand on her forehead in stress.

"I know. I shouldn't have done it but I was drunk and couldn't help myself and he's going to hate me when he figures out that it was really me because that's fucked I had sex with him well I was lying pretending to be someone else and I can't loose him because I love him so much and he's all I really have ever wanted in life and I shouldn't have slept with him," she rambled in one long breath.

Kingsley looked at her, a very shocked expression on his face.

"You've been there for less then a month and you already managed to fuck Lupin?" he clarified.

Aveline nodded, "I know I'm horrible."

Kingsley let out a scott, "I honestly expected this to happen, but not this soon. Besides, you only had sex one time —"

"Nine," Aveline muttered.

"NINE TIMES? You fucked Lupin NINE TIMES?" He exclaimed.

Aveline threw her head in her hands, sinking to Kingsley's floor in pure defeat. She was a horrible horrible person. A lying, manipulative, horrible person.

"Aveline," Kingsley said softly, "it's okay. You've been dead for over a decade, no one can blame you for getting a little carried away with things. I honestly think it was unfair for Albus to ask this of you. You've already been through so much."

All she could was cry into her hands like a little pathetic whimp.

Where was the Aveline Rosier she knew? The one who looked the Dark Lord in the eye and laughed?

She was just so tired. All she wanted was her Remus, her friends and her life back. She was so sick and tired of jumping through hoops, and playing all these sneaky games just to win fights she didn't even know she was fighting.

"I have to tell him," Aveline muttered, her lip trembling.

Kingsley let out an odd noise, raising his eyebrows. "I mean, it probably is a bit weird to tell Albus you fucked Lupin nine times—"

"No!" Aveline exclaimed scrunching her nose in disgust. "I'm not telling Albus anything. I'm telling Remus who I am. He deserves to know."

She was prepared to bare any consequences thay came with telling Remus. She could deal with Dumbledore's wrath.

Though there was still that little voice in the back
of her head that asked— am I really putting him in danger?

She thought a lot about what Dumbledore had told over the last couple days. That the people she loved were at risk for even knowing she was alive.

"Dumbledore has his reason. He always does," Kingsley tried to reason, but his tone wasn't very convincing. He spoke as if he barely believed the words itself. "But Aveline if I was Remus I wouldn't give a shit if I was put into danger by knowing you're alive. I'd want to know. I'd rather die being by your side, than die protected and safe."

Aveline was staring down at the floor in front of her, tears in her eyes.

"So what do I do Kingsley?" Aveline asked, in a small timid voice.

Kingsley had seen Aveline Rosier face dozens of death eaters without as much of a tremor in her hand. He had seen her bleeding physically to the point of borderline death, and the way she snickered like a manic and kept going.

And yet this was the most fragile he had ever seen this very strong woman.

She looked broken. Utterly broken. And it wasn't the way she cried and held her knees to her chest, it was in the look in her blue eyes as she looked up at him.

"I'm just so tired of it all," she whispered, and if he hadn't been focused on her lips he probably wouldn't have been able to make out the words. 

"Tell him," Kingsley told her sternly. "If it's breaking you this bad Aveline, you need to tell him. You deserve to be happy."

"But so does he," she responded. "And what if I tell him and ..."

She trailed off— there was many ends to the sentence.

And what if I tell him and it puts him in danger.

And what if I tell him and he dies.

And what if I tell him and he was happier without me.

And what if I tell him and he doesn't love
me anymore.

"Aveline," Kingsley sighed, and the man moved over to where she was sitting on the floor, crouching down next to her. "I was by Remus's side when you died. I watched him over the past decade turn into a shell of who he once was. He never stopped loving. He never stopped wishing you were alive. I know with my entire heart that Remus would want you to tell him, more then he would want you to keep him safe."