Ready? Not Really.. (Fem USUK) •IN EDITING•

Amelia

I didn't want to love Alice.

I mean, lesbians are gross! How does the sex even work? And the porn.. ugh! No!

But it wasn't the sex appeal or anything that attracted me to her. It was that dumb smile I saw on her face when she was happy and the damn goofy looks she gave me when she thought I wasn't looking. It was the real her I'd known the first few years we were friends that I knew was buried deep down inside her. I was in love with that part of her.

And yet I bullied her.

Every. Single. Day.

I saw how I destroyed her, and I kept on doing it. I just wanted her attention, no matter what it took to get it. So I kept on calling her names and hiding the clothes she had in her gym locker. I just wanted an excuse to see her more.

Even now I had butterflies seeing her on the bleachers at practice. Did she like me in my cheer uniform? I hoped so. I know I liked it.

At water break, I stared at her and hoped she wouldn't look up from her chemistry textbook. Her bangs covered the top of her eyes, and she bit the eraser of her pencil every now and then when she was thinking. Even from here, I could see the freckles splashed across her nose. When she looked up, we glared at each other, and I got weird feelings down below at the sight of those beautiful green eyes and scrunched up eyebrows. Weird, I know. I'm a weird chick. A weird dick when it came to her. I so badly wanted to run to her and apologise for all the shit I've put her through and just hold her.

But I didn't.

I never would.

So I watched her do her chem homework, and she pushed her hair back to read about chemical reactions. And I just loved her.

I loved her, I loved her, I loved her.